Tech-tock, tech-tock....

One more day, gentle readers, one more day before rehearsal is a thing of the past. Of course, I do admit that I felt like it was already Sunday about halfway through this particular tech rehearsal. We did a cue-to-cue....well, not really, since we also ran everything in between the cues, which is why it took so long. And I'll never understand acting notes at a tech rehearsal--especially one where you are going over the same cue fifty times in order to make sure the lights are right. (I'm not sure how they could be wrong considering nothing has changed over the last 30 years, but hey, who am I to say anything?) But we got through everything, and the best part of it was we got PAID! Huzzah! That magical thing that keeps people flocking back to work for weirdos like these. I'm telling you--I seriously want to look into putting together some kind o children's theatre in the near future, because I have to believe I can put something out there that is at least as good as what I'm doing now (at least quality-wise. I'm probably more than a few years away from their production values) and somehow manage to not only pay my actors well, but also allow them to do something a little more creative than paint-by-numbers acting. So if anybody wants in and has ideas, passion, or money (ESPECIALLY money) let me know. Besides, I need to do SOMETHING when I get back.

So my long rant and ramble about Illinois' governor in last night's post was called out (as most of my crap is nowadays) by my friend Naomi. (No need for an alias--anyone who comments on this blog has to understand and accept that they will be referred to in it.) Apparently, Al's predecessor didn't do exactly the same thing, or even close to it. His miscreancy and backroom dealings ended up killing some kids through lousy trucking licenses. Now, that is pretty shitty, and nowhere near as harmless as what Al did. I certainly don't want to say that Al did something that bad. In fact, I don't think he did anything bad, which I think the post posited. I will also fess up to the fact that as far as state government goes, I know jack-squat. Mostly because the only way to follow politics is to watch the news, and I have yet to see any American news broadcast that isn't either painfully biased, or insipidly vapid. And, to be honest, state politics is boring. Especially to someone with a very limited attention sp--what was I talking about? But I did think that the governor of a broke state trying to sell a Senate seat was funny. So let it be announced with a barbaric yawp from the highest points of the land--Al got a raw deal. And I guess that in future, I'll actually do some (shudder) research before I start spouting about things that you can actually look up. But I warn you, there's gonna be a lot less funny....

Okay, that's not even remotely true. There will be plenty of funny , and I doubt I'll do any more research than I do now. But it's good to have dreams. They're what keep us going. For example, i dream I won't have to go through another tech like what I just did today. The nice thing is, that dream WILL come true, because tomorrow is a dress rehearsal, notes, then load out. Ahhhhhh..... I'll try to keep everyone updated, via blog, of where I'll be with the Great Space Poe-ster. (Oh, that's good...) so if I'm in your area, let's drink! (Trust me, I'll need it) So stay tuned--you know once the traveling starts, stuff gets good!

Is it over yet?

Meet the New Boss

Twelve hours, gentle readers. Today's tech rehearsal was twelve hours long. Okay, eleven, since we did get an hour for lunch. But we started at 8 in the morning and left rehearsal at 8 p.m. In between those hours, we unloaded a truck over a snowbank, set up the set, (which goes together in a wholly different way than the last one I used on the last tour, and the design is far less efficient) I went on a doughnut run and reloaded the van with all the crap we couldn't fit in it yesterday, sat around for two hours after everything finally got put together and set up waiting for Ted to finally get back from the wilds of Massachusetts where his other show was, ran through all our scene and costume changes until we were all ready to collapse, and reset everything for tomorrow, when we work through ever single story on stage with costumes. I really did feel bad for Ted. He's the type who will beat himself up at the drop of a hat if he does something that inconveniences anyone or puts anyone out, and he ended up getting to rehearsal around 4:30 or so, when he had estimated getting back at 2. And when he got in, he of course didn't have any real time to breathe or get his bearings because we needed to get through everything as quickly as we could. But he pulled through, and the whole thing took about 3 hours, which isn't too bad considering some of the costume changes people have to make in this show. The only truly annoying part of it was listening to Levitt snipe at her husband, who is Chamber's master electrician and Lighting designer. The two of them together is like listening to a shrewish and unfunny Nichols and May. All the bitter back and forth with none of the laugh lines. A simple conversation about going to the van to get something can turn into a near-shouting match in about three sentences. That really makes for a comfortable working environment. Wheeeee! I'll call Levitt's husband...Kato. Now, before I get a slew of comments (yeah, right) about how uncreative the name Kato is, since it's not a challenge to anyone reading this, let me say that while the name may not be that interesting, the reason behind my choice is. Just in case anyone doesn't know, Kato was the chauffeur and sidekick of the Green Hornet. There was a TV series about the Green Hornet in the 60's, and Kato was played by none other than Bruce Lee.Now, in case anyone is wondering, Kato (Levitt's husband) is about as far removed from Kato (Bruce Lee) as anyone could be and still be in the same species. The reason I chose the name is that Bruce Lee HATED playing Kato. he was constantly putting the role down and complaining that it was beneath him and his martial arts skills (and if you watch the "karate" Kato performed on the show, you have to agree with him) THAT is why Levitt's husband is named Kato. No-one I have ever seen bitches and complains about the work he has to do, and thinks more of himself in relation to the work than he does. He makes it very clear that he is far better than the work he is being required to do. Now, he may be correct, as Bruce Lee was. I don't know, I've never seen anything he's done except Chamber, and he's adequate at that. BUT, he has been with them for several year now, so you would think if the work was THAT beneath him, he would pass it by and move on. But of course he doesn't, because it pays very well. That's the type of thing that pisses me off. If you're so good and the job you're doing is so meager and petty, then quit, or leave when your contract is up. And if you're doing it just for the money, then fine We've all been there. But then at least be happy about the fact it does provide you with decent money and accept that that's where you are right now. Then, when you've made that money, move on. But if you're going to keep coming back to a job you think is so far beneath you, then you just look like a hypocrite whenever you bitch and moan. And it's not just Kato I'm talking about. I've done a log-running show in Chicago with a number of people who come back over and over to do the show even though all they ever do is bitch about the lack of quality in the show and the stupidity of the people running it. But they do it for the paycheck. And there's nothing wrong with that. But when you're constantly talking the job you keep coming back to down, then you look like an ass and a money-grubber. 

So I have heard interesting news today. Apparently, Illinois has a brand new governor. Yep, Rod Blagojevic has been impeached and removed from office for allegedly (though I guess it's not so allegedly anymore) trying to sell Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder. This is, I have learned (along with Governor-in-Exile Blagojevic) that such an action is illegal and frowned upon in the halls of government. Justice has been dispensed swiftly and the rot has been cut out of the State capitol, allowing us to move on and welcome with high hopes, his replacement, who will surely be a man of stellar character and integrity.

What a load of shit. You realize that Blagojevic's (Jesus, that's a pain of a name to type over and over--let's call him Al--as in Capone) predecessor was also removed for pretty much the same damn thing? And that Illinois has one of, if not he most corrupt state government in the union? I mean hell, New Jersey looks at us and asks if we could please clean up our act, because we're bringing down the class of the joint. It's ludicrous. Al didn't do anything generations of Illinois governors didn't do. And please, any state that has a Daley running its biggest city doesn't have any room to point fingers at a little Senate seat auction. Let us not forget, gentle readers, that Illinois has a horrific economy. Basically, the state is broke. Like seriously broke. A-large-man-named-Vinnie-keeps-calling-asking-when-you're-gonna-have-the-money-broke. I look at trying to sell a Senate seat as a creative, out-of-the-box solution to stimulating the economy. Sort of like using lottery earnings for education. It's like a church raffle, only for something somebody wants, and not your grandmother's cobbler (you know, the one you always break a tooth on?) And why shouldn't the Governor be allowed to sell the seat? I mean, it is his responsibility to appoint a replacement. Who are we to quibble with what criteria he uses? I mean, if we just threw it open to the people to vote for a replacement, it would just end up going to the person who spent the most money campaigning, right? So this way, all that money ends up in the state's coffers, and not the major media's. I say that's a win-win! And let's not forget, gentle readers, that a corrupt man surrounded by righteous men doesn't get anything done. Al is only able to be corrupt effectively if there are other corrupt men around him willing to play ball. So is Al the one to blame? Why are we singling him out? There are checks and balances in our government. If Al was soooo corrupt, where were the checks and balance? Easy--the rest of the state government were taking checks to increase the balances in their bank accounts. So let's not demonize Al. He's just doing what every leader of the great state of Illinois has been doing since....well, since Al's namesake actually DID run everything. And do we really think that his replacement isn't going to be just as corrupt? Or are we just hoping he'll be more discreet? See, i think is just a witch-hunt, driven by the desire to get Chicago the 2016 Olympics (An idea which is bad on every level, by the by.) I think Mayor Daley is behind the whole thing. Get a questionable guy out of office, show the Olympic Committee that Illinois is the place they want to be. See? Way more corrupt than Al, but more discreet. (That's gotta be the first time the Mayor of Chicago has ever been described as discreet.)

Well, I hope the replacement is everything everyone could hope for. And I hope that despite this, Chicago does NOT get the 2016 Olympics (no city who hosts the Olympic ever comes out ahead financially and did I mention the large man named Vinnie calling about that money?) And I hope that tomorrow's rehearsal is over before the news comes on.....

Time to get out.

So it's official--we have loaded out of our rehearsal space and start the hectic three day odyssey that is tech. It'll be especially interesting considering that tomorrow, Ted won't be there for most of the day. We start at 8 and he won't get there until around 2. He's local, and works with a local children's theatre as an understudy, and tomorrow is the one show they need him to fill in for. As usual, when it comes to theatre, it's really all about the timing. But tomorrow won't be all that big a deal anyway. We'll load in learn how to put everything together, then run all the scene shifts, work with the costumer, then run a bunch of difficult things (Headless Horseman, etc) so everyone gets a feel for what the lighting is going to be like backstage. (I can tell you what that'll be--NONE) We more than likely won't do any runs tomorrow at all, which is fine with me. If we can get all the pain in the ass technical stuff out of the way all in one day, then we can have the next two as actual dress rehearsals rather than slow and onerous work-throughs. That'll be worth the tedium tomorrow is sure to bring.

It'll be even more annoying since I've worked with Levitt during tech before and I know what a burr in one's saddle she can be. The only way it could get worse is if her husband is going to be there tomorrow as well. The two of them together create this black hole of smarmy smug sarcasm that sucks your soul in and won't let it go. Basically, both of them find it impossible to talk to anyone without sounding like they're talking to a particularly retarded chimpanzee. I guess the only reason to respect them is the fact they talk to each other like that as well, so at least you know they don't play favorites. But it does grate on one's nerves. I realize that when she explains things about the administrative tasks, I know what she's going to say before she says it because I've done this before, so I already come into it a little bored at having to hear it again, but even for the new people, it isn't necessary to repeat everything five times the minute you say it. I understand that in the past, there have been stupid people who have done things which it should have been good common sense NOT to do, but using stupid as a baseline and treating everyone as if they didn't have the sense god gave little green apples just fosters contempt and resistance. Treating people as if they actually have the capacity to understand what you tell them until you find out otherwise, I believe, results in far fewer incidents of people who should know better acting like idiots. I mean, hell, if I'm going to be treated like I don't know anything no matter what, then I see no reason to act any differently than expected. Make the expectations a little higher and most normal people (even those in theatre) will rise to meet them. 

Not much else happened today, other than me reading a very entertaining story about how President Obama questioned the weather toughness of the people of DC. Seems his girls' schools were closed today due to ice. I don't know how bad the weather in DC was, but if it was anything like we got here in Boston, then I have to say--thee was no reason to close anything. And it's not like DC is tropical on a regular basis, thus making the appearance of ice a rare and unexpected event. But he mentioned it, joking that apparently they need to infuse DC with some flinty Chicago toughness because people in DC can't handle things when it comes to weather. I mean come on, DC, the President's DAUGHTERS were calling you out. That's pretty pathetic when a 10 and a 7 year old have more tolerance than a city government. What would George Washington say? There were no snow days at Valley Forge, you governmental wussies! Buck up! (Of course, I'm not giving up my space heater, but then, I'm not in charge of school closings...)

I need to get on the road. With the rehearsal schedule shortened, I don't have as many days off as I did the last time, so I really haven't gotten a chance to hang in Boston very much, which is a shame since I really do like the city. So my days consist of rehearsal, coming home, eating, and vegging out in front of the computer until I go to bed. Now, i realize that once I'm on the road, my day will largely consist of working, then getting into the hotel room and vegging out in front of the computer until I go to bed, BUT the scenery will change.....and once you're on the road, you do try to head out and hang more often. I think that's really why I'm looking forward to leaving and starting the tour. I kinda need people around me. I like hanging out with my coworkers and friends (or as I refer to them, my audience) But seriously, I don't mind being alone, but I've already heard all my jokes, so I really need some other people around to keep myself amused. And hopefully, keep them amused as well. (Though that is a secondary goal only) I also think I'll get less tired if I get less sleep. I'm getting anywhere between 6 and 8 hours a night, and that's really way too much on a regular basis. If I can get that down to the 4-6 hour range, i think I'll be doing a lot better. I also look forward to just getting the whole thing started, because I think I'll have a good time with this group (I do go into it realizing I felt the same way about the last group--and save for two of them I did) and I like the moving aspect of the tour--makes me feel like progress is being made. And the sooner it starts, the sooner it's over and I can go back to my stationary life in Chicago. That'll be nice because I hear tell there's some theatre work to be had out there, and I'd like some please....

So anyway, this has been long and rambling (though not quite as long as others and only slightly more rambling) and the upshot of it all is I'm tired, a little stir crazy, and wanting to get started. So there you have it. Guess you shoulda just skipped to the end. But then you'd have missed the journey, and when it comes to life (and touring especially) the journey's usually a lot more satisfying than the end. (Wow, that sounded deep. Now you KNOW I'm tired)

And the end of the beginning draws near

Pardon me, gentle readers, if I am less verbose than usual this evening. We worked our way through every story today, stopping as often as was necessary to get everything set just perfectly, doing moments over and over like some terrifying Groundhog Day remake until the vehicle that is our show shone like those cars in the car wax commercials where after 50 washes the water still beads. Yes, we worked the hell out of that show because we have one more run-thru tomorrow before we load out and start tech. And the three days of tech are going to be tough. And so, gentle readers, like a baby with diaper rash, my ass is wiped. (I guess this whole first paragraph sorta belies the "less verbose" comment, don't it?) But the show is in far better shape right now. Though I wasn't sure I was going to get through Act 1. We worked the living hell out of Tell Tale, and that's a pretty draining story. (Who knew getting all psycho was so tiring? That's one reason none of you will ever have to worry about me going all batshit--it takes WAAAAAY too much energy)

Everyone's still getting along really well, and my hopes are high for the tour. There just seems to be a lot of...what's the word I'm looking for...sanity in the group. So, fingers crossed. I even think that Levitt and I can get along without too much trouble. It's really just a question of picking your battles, and giving the same amount of courtesy you expect, no matter how much of a nutjob those other people are.... Speaking of nutjobs (only in a most tangential way) I was watching the show "Fringe" online last night. I had heard about it, and it usually comes on after the new episodes of House (back when House's new episodes were on Tuesday) but I never watched it. So, I figured I'd give it a shot. It's very interesting, with it's premise of a bunch of high-level governmental investigators dealing with stuff that seems to defy science and is solved with delving deep into pseudo-science (or as they describe it in the show, "fringe" science. See what they did there?) And the kid from Dawson's Creek actually doesn't suck. I've now watched 3 episodes, and I am of the decided opinion that the show would work a lot better if they got rd of the overly sentimental and ultimately boring blonde female lead. I mean, I know we need someone for the kid from Dawson's Creek to have a thing with, but the character is generic and the actress is just plain boring. As a red-blooded American male, I would very much like to request that TV writers stop writing for blondes, because they do it really badly. It's like they figure that if the character is a blonde female, ten they don't really have to write anything particularly good for them, because, come on, she's a blonde. Isn't that enough to keep people coming back? Redheads and brunettes get better character development, possibly because writers don't think American guys are as obsessed with them as they are with blondes. Well, let me tell you, if that's the case, stop writing for blondes. Because the character you put on Fringe sucks. The rest of the cast is excellent and the show is very strong, but that character....oy. And it doesn't help that the insipid writing is delivered with a lack of emotion usually reserved for Vulcans and androids.

BUT that's not what I wanted to talk about. That is merely background so that you have a better idea of hat the situation was when I get to the actual subject. (Yeah, that "less verbose" thing really went out the proverbial window, didn't it?) When you watch TV episodes online, there aren't as many commercials, usually. Well, this one had a lot more commercial breaks. Which isn't that bad, except that for some reason it was always the same damn commercial. Even that wouldn't have been a problem if it hadn't been for the fact that the commercial was for whatever was sponsoring the online episode: something called G. The commercial gave no real indication of what G was. It merely asked (in a vaguely "street" accent) what G was, then rattled off a string of G words as various sports figures and other celebrities (I assume they were other celebrities, because two of them I didn't recognize at all, and the three-man mime-looking hip-hop group called Jabba Wock didn't strike me as anything to do with sports) slowly passed by the camera. At the end of the list of words, the commercial ended with "That's G." And that was it. What the hell is THAT? If it was supposed to be vague in order to make you want to find out more and go searching, it had the opposite effect on me. I just wanted to find the people responsible and hurt them in many varied and creative ways for being so stupid. But what incensed me more than anything was tat one of the sports figures they rolled past the camera was Muhammed Ali. And I don't mean a clip of Muhammed Ali or anything, I mean the actual Muhammed Ali, in argyle sweater vest, his palsied fists up in front of him, shaking as he held a fighter's pose, his eyes focused on nothing in particular as some anonymous kid looks at him and mouth "wow" as the disembodied voice says "It's the Greatest of all time." Now, i don't object to honoring Ali as the Greatest. But why would you put the guy in front of a camera like that? It's like seeing FDR in a wheelchair, or watching Elvis' last performance. He looked like a little old man (and I do mean little--as in frail and delicate) shaking and disoriented. You want to use him, use an image from either when he was in his prime, or at least still able to stand without looking like a stiff wind would knock him over. There are icons who have aged well, but Ali isn't one of them. And I know he's ill, and that he's still out doing things is supposed to be encouraging, and to a certain extent it is, but they guy in front of the camera the other night was NOT the Ali who was the Greatest, and if you're going to talk about the Greatest, then you owe that man, AND that icon, a little more dignity. Maybe I'm overreacting because I had to see this stupid non-ad over and over again for an hour and a half. But it made me slightly uncomfortable from the very first time, especially since it took until the second viewing for me to realize who the hell Ali was. Or maybe I'm just ooky about aging. I don't know. I'd delve deeper and figure out which it was, but like going batshit, it just takes WAAAAAY too much energy.

So before I head off to bed, I must say, I was more than a little disappointed that none of my gentle readers attempted to either guess or criticize my alias for our SM--Levitt. So, allow me to elucidate. Levitt was the name of the recurring character played by actor Ron Carey on Barney Miller. Officer Carl Levitt was a uniformed officer who would show up in the detective room every so often to deliver mail and otherwise do administrative tasks and take prisoners downstairs for processing. He also had a huge sense of his own importance and was constantly jockeying for position to get transferred up to the detective room. No matter how many time his sails had the wind removed (which was often) he always refilled them with the hot air he had readily on hand. He was a decent guy, just really full of himself and intent on advancement and exercising every last ounce of whatever authority he had. So.....see it now? Good. Anywho, I'm off. Thank goodness I was less verbose.

Springtime for Chamber....

I hope all of you were humming the song from "The Producers" when you read the title of today's post. If not, I worry about you, I really do. So today we had our producer run for everyone's favorite iron-fisted sprite, Spring Sirkin. It went very well, I'd say, all things considered. There were problems due to nerves, as there always are anytime Spring enters the building, but overall, we came out of it okay. Well, as far as Spring was concerned. Her notes were general and overall positive. Pat on the other hand took for freaking ever to get through the notes SHE took, because she of course takes all the detailed notes. And can't stop explaining things, no matter how many times you say OK. I understand making something clear, but after the third "I got it," you should be able to take a freaking hint! But Tell-Tale is coming along pretty well. it's he only story I'm in that I worry about. mostly because it's the only one I'm in where I really have to work against my instincts. And amazingly enough i don't even mean that in a wholly negative way. Some of what Pat and Spring want me to do, I understand and agree with. Some of it is just technical stuff due to the fact we play huge spaces. But some of it is a little difficult to take. (see sonorous baritone post) However, the cool thing is, I added something to the show that pat has never seen before, and that Spring liked! A chuckle. Yep, it's a small thing, but anytime you can slip a new wrinkle into a Chamber character, you take it as a win. So all in all, it's going well. It's also a little difficult for me to play anything really heavy and restrained and dark. It's like I said in the previous post--they seem to have problems with contrasts in characters, and especially if you're playing a guy who kills an old man, hacks him up and hides him under the floorboards, you want to explore some sides to him other than creepy. But creepy is what they wants, so creepy is what they gets. I'm just relieved they like where the story is going because the last thing I need is for them to try another one of their famous last-day cast changes.

After lunch, we did makeup and wigs. Thankfully, I didn't have that much to do, since I had already done it a mere four weeks ago. (Jesus, is that really how long it's been since the last tour ended?) There is a chance I might be dyeing my hair for Tell Tale to reduce the number of wigs I have to wear. (A redhead apparently just can't be an-old-man-hacking, floorboard-prying, filmy-eye-gouging psycho) I'm all for it if it means I can make my heinous Tell-Tale to Sleepy Hollow change easier, but I'm a little worried they're going to insist that I dye it blue-black, which is the color of the wig, and I just do NOT look good like that in real life I'm not sure I want to walk around for 5 months looking like an extra from Twilight. (Though I must admit, the idea of sparkling when the sun hits you rather than turning an embarrassingly bright red is a weight on the positive side of the scale. 

We now bring you this Presidential activity update. I have been told by various sources that it was Fox news, NOT Good Morning America that had the fisting comment. You can see the clip here 

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_soup/b80549_fox_reveals_key_obama_marriage.html

It aired on Talk Soup and I swear to god it's hilarious. I should've known it would be Fox, considering they were the station that first broke the story of the Obamas' fisting fetish way back when he won the nomination and he and she did that right there onstage in front of everyone. Although, at that time, Fox news was more worried about the possible terrorist ties such activity might carry. Now, after much searching and digging, they have finally revealed it for the harmless marital aid that it is. Good to see Fox News right on top of things....so to speak.

Not much else happened today. Tomorrow we have our last full day to work things. Wednesday we do one more run, then load out of the rehearsal space and Thursday we load into our tech space. Three days of tech and then BAM! We hit the road. Well, we head down into Boston proper and do a show there on Tuesday the 2nd, but after that, there's a road involved, I'm sure of it! I'm going to pray that tech goes smoothly. We're doing in three days what they usually do in 8, and our stage manager, whose real name I have used in this blog prior to now, but for whom I shall create an alias, doesn't have the most patient of personalities, nor the kindest of tones. It's kind of like being talked to by one of those annoying 50's kiddie show hosts, only one with none of the sweetness due to the fact what they really wanted to do was Hamlet but instead they're stuck introducing cartoons with a talking kumquat or something. So our stage manager's alias shall be--Levitt. Okay, critics--go for it! Well, it's time for me to hit the hay. See you all tomorrow!

There are days you just feel old...

And last night was a roller coaster of feeling that way then not feeling that way. We had our first full run-thru yesterday, and it did (as expected) kick all of our asses. This show is an energy-sucking black hole when you first start putting it on its feet, and since it was also the end of the week, most (if not all) of us were also dealing with mental and physical exhaustion from trying to throw this thing up in about half the time it usually is thrown up. (Or as I like to say, upchucked.) But the run went pretty well, especially for the fact it was the first, and we were complimented on being as far along as we were. And Tell-Tale Heart didn't suck big donkey balls yesterday as it apparently did the day before, so I felt better about myself as a human being. (It really is a lot easier when you just give in to the fact you do everything the way they've done it before and remove the attempt to bring anything new to the character) So it was with a mix of exhaustion and celebration that Bob, Ted, Alice, Flo and myself headed across the street to Dublin House for drinks after rehearsal. Carol couldn't join us as her boyfriend had just gotten into town and she had other important things to attend to. We had quite a spirited time (and no, that wasn't a pun, no matter how much you all may think it was. I promise) particularly since the place was completely empty when we got there, save for one older black man who I believe works a day job as a Wal-Mart greeter. I say this because he  came over to our table multiple times, encouraging us to eat and drink as much as possible, informing us that not only did 999 BILLION people live in Dorchester, but all were well over 500 pounds, so we had a lot of catching up to do. We also discovered he was the owner and operator of an airline company--New Low Airlines, the selling point of which was not only low prices (we'll fly you anywhere for $2) and unique locomotion methods (It's just like the Flintstones. EVeryone picks up the plane and runs really fast. No non-stop flights) but also the forward-thinking plane design (All our planes FLOAT! Just like the one in the Hudson!) Thankfully he remained jovial throughout our stay and didn't do the  switch from fun-and-happy-hale-fellow-well-met drunk to bitter-and-argumentative-give-me=some-money drunk. Despite (or perhaps because--I do not underestimate the bonding powers of crazy drunken strangers on a group of almost-strangers themselves) his presence, we had a laugh-filled evening discussing topics from how to tell a true board-game nerd (Apparently if you know the company Avalon Hill you rate) to how long one must know Alice before she reveals whether or not she can tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue; from the fact Jack Lemmon kicked everybody's ass in Glenngary Glen Ross to the fact Ted likes to surgically devour eggs and suck chicken wings clean of any trace of meat. So all in all, a typical two-hour conversation for a group of actors sitting around imbibing very good whiskey at very reasonable prices. ($4 for Jameson!!!) After about 2-2 1/2 hours of this, it was appearing as if the group was going to break up and head our separate ways, save that Alice and Flo decided they wanted to find a karaoke bar. This was the first moment I started feeling old, because my first reaction was--I need to go home and go to bed, or a least just relax and not do anything. But, thank whatever force looks out for mid-30's karaoke whores with an inherent need to make a fool of themselves in front of strangers, I decided to say the hell wit it and join them in their search. This of course, made me feel decidedly NOT old, which lifted my spirit-soaked spirits. I knew of a place that I had found near Boston Common the last time I was here, so I suggested we try that. Bob and Ted declined to join us, and so the three of us shivered our way downtown to find some place to blow off a little Chamber-induced steam.

The place I had seen did exist, and was open. It's called Limelite, and besides having a large room with a stage where you can gather with strangers to perform for each other, it also rents out private karaoke rooms. The place is very popular, because it was only 8:30 or so and it was packed. We paid the cover (yeah, a cover at a karaoke bar. Boston ain't right) and bought some drinks (NOT reasonably priced) and found a table right between the blare of the speakers and the whoosh of the cold air coming down the steps whenever someone opened the door. It was filled with college kids who were already well in the bag by 9 p.m. and all dressed like they were in some ultra-hip music video. I marveled at the female of the species' ability to withstand all manner of discomfort for looking good (way too many short skirts and fuck me pumps for the weather we had, but they seemed fine with it) and chuckled that they could do that, but killing insects was still beyond them. The KJ (yes, that's a technical term) was playing music in between the karaoke songs (in between every single one of them, which i found a little odd) and it was of the dance club hip-hop "oh wait, there are lyrics to this thing?" type, which brought BACK the feeling of being old. Luckily, I've been dealing with THAT feeling sine I was about 16, so it wasn't too bad. So the three of us signed up, and it was at that moment that I discovered that this tour is going to be a lot easier than the last, if only in the music department, because both Alice and Flo are nuts about old music--to the point where the music the KJ was assaulting us with was on their "I really can't handle this" list. I mean, Alice, who is the youngest person in the tour at 22 was up singing Patsy Cline and the Drifters. (I know that sounds like one group, but ti isn't) and Flo sang janis Joplin, Frank Sinatra and Linda Rondstat. There was a little moment of panic when Alice had a couple of drunk Solid Gold Dancers on stage with her and the fella in the couple decided to leave his partner (who was so far gone by then, I doubt she noticed) and see if he could get close enough to Alice to learn what she could do with a cherry stem, but she soldiered on and all was well. I of course opened with Viva Las Vegas, which was received decently, sparking another round of "Jesus am I old" thoughts, but when I switched to Joe Cocker I got better response. Of course by then all the under 21s had to leave, so I was performing to a somewhat older crowd. Thankfully both Alice and Flo are the type who feel they've been 40 since they were 6, so all in all, we were all sharing an equal feeling of being slightly out of place. 

We hung out singing and imbibing until about 11:30 or so, when we realized we had to get going since in Boston the subways stop running around midnight. May I just say--WTF??? I found this out last time I was here and I still can't wrap my head around it. What is the point of having mass transit that can get you anywhere n the city and outlying neighborhoods if it stops running before the bars close? And almost all the bus line stop before the subways! I don't get it. But we made our way back and parted company around 12:30 when I got off the subway to walk (yes, walk--n freaking buses) back to where I was staying and they stayed on the subway to get dropped off two seconds from their house. Lucky them. The nice thing was that despite the milieu we found ourselves in for most of the evening, the feeling old was only faint and vague, and I spent most of the night having a very good time, and patting myself on the back (figuratively--otherwise I'd throw out a shoulder, I just know it) for NOT being an old fuddy-duddy and going out to have a good time. It's little things like this that make my day at this point in my life. Chances are we'll go back again before we hit the road, because it was a lot of fun, and the stage and everything was actually quite nice. They need to learn how to better the balance between the music and the microphones, but most places have that problem. It was funny because when I got back home, I was actually still wired from being out and didn't get to bed until about 3:30 in the morning. Now there's something I haven't done since I was young. I also find it interesting that while I do make a point of joking about the fact I am usually more advanced in years than most of the people I work with in kid's theatre, I don't usually feel that way (save for when I make a point of making a joke about it) I've reconnected with 14 of the other 15 people I attended the Burt Reynolds Insitute for Theatre Training with via Facebook, and I find it funny that I look at the pictures they have posted of us back then and even though that was 13 years ago (dear god) I still feel most of the time like it was just a couple years. I don't feel that much different than i did back then. Maybe that means I'm hopelessly immature and incapable of being a fully functional adult (sorry hon.) but I don't know. I just like to think it means I'm not going to become boring. And let's face it, that's WAY more important than being a responsible adult...(again, sorry hon...)

And now the hair-tearing begins....

It couldn't last long. My mellow, even-keeled mood toward the way Chamber does stuff was bound to run out. I just didn't realize it was going to happen so soon after blogging about how mellow and even-keeled my mood was. And I can't say that it's anything about how the show is progressing. Considering the fact that today was the first day we went through each of the shows without stopping, the show is actually coming along about the way and at the speed I figured. Slower in some points, faster in others. I feel pretty confident we're going to be okay by the time we hit tech next week. "So what is it that's harshed your buzz, Andrew?" you ask. It's the fact that today Pat's directorial choices hit that weird Chamber area where she sounds like she's talking to you like other directors, discussing character's motivations and intentions, and then you slowly realize that all she's doing is telling you the exact way to say all the lines, which is the way she's told every single person to say them for the past 30 years, because apparently, Pat only thinks characters should talk in sonorous baritones with as little use of their upper register as possible, regardless of what the emotion being expressed is. And I'm including the females in that. She goes through all these elaborate discussions of why your character is feeling the way they're feeling, and what their body would be doing physiologically at that very moment, and how that would feed into the social mores of the period, and that's why you must speak in a sonorous baritone and use your upper register as little as possible. And if you could also try not to be too animated while you talk, that would be appreciated as well. If you want to give me a line reading, then just give me a line reading. But don't try to tell me how my character is put off by having to have the mother in the room when he tells the father about the fact his son is dead and that's why he doesn't come right out and say it, and THEN tell me to say my lines in a very even rhythm without any indication that I am put off by the fact the mother is there, EVEN THOUGH the lines immediately following my entrance show that I am stumbling over the next few words because I'm put off by that fact. I hate it when people try to talk to me like I'm not smart enough to sniff out bullshit. Now understand, some of the time, the way she wants things read makes sense. But if you listen to the way she does everyone's lines (and she does--most of notes is watching her perform our roles) you'd think every story has the exact same characters. And she doesn't have much use for contrast in characters (unless that contrast results in sonorous baritones) preferring instead that each character have one characteristic that they stick to throughout each story, regardless of what's happening to them. The one exception is the Poe story, and even in that, she insists that the contrasts in the character once again result in a very subdued and (say it with me) sonorous baritone. In Pat's world, no-one ever moves swiftly or gets agitated to the point anyone can tell. I probably wouldn't have had such a visceral reaction to today's notes if it wasn't for the fact that I was making a valid point about the correlation between the written lines, the intention and inner monologue she had already discussed with me about my character in the Monkey's Paw (That death messenger guy) and the contradictory note to say my lines as if I was just a well-trained funeral director who is very polished and polite but not too involved. And she just looked at me and just told me to go ahead and do it that way, as if she didn't understand what i was saying to her. 

Okay, I'm done. Sorry, gentle readers. Although what I typed above is far more cogent and polite than what i was thinking in the midst of being looked at like I was speaking Swahili when I was discussing something any first year theatre student would have brought up. And she TEACHES! Oy. If you need someone to pose a photograph, get Pat. If you need someone to direct you so that there are more than three colors in your crayon box, get anyone BUT Pat. I just had to get that out. But as I said everything else about rehearsal is going fine, and is actually quite enjoyable. I think everyone is coming along well, and we all work very well together. So don't get me wrong--I am having a good time. And come tomorrow, this annoyance will have lessened and I'll have moved on, because...well...because I don't really have any choice. And again, once we're on the road, everything will smooth out. 

I did get one lovely piece of news today. Apparently, on Good Morning America (and if ANYONE can find me a video clip of this, I will give you my first-born. No, really...I'm good for it...) they had some sort of expert on relationships, or love, or something equally specious and ultimately useless, who was discussing the Obamas and telling the hosts how it was obvious they were very much in love. Her evidence? (And this is a direct quote--a direct quote of the person who quoted her to me. Way to go honey!) "You can see they're very much in love because they're kissing, they're touching, they're fisting." Yes, you read that right. Apparently this is something we never knew about the Obamas. And what's even more amazing is that this woman has SEEN it! Sorta makes that whole Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky thing not such a big deal, doesn't it? I just wish that i could have see the hosts' reaction to hearing that. And the even better part is that you know that didn't get bleeped, since, as the late great George Carlin would tell you were he not the LATE great George Carlin, "fisting" is NOT one of the 7 words you can't say on TV. I wonder how many people shot coffee through their nose when she finished that sentence. I would also like to point out that any "love expert" who uses the term "fisting" when she means "fist-bumping" is obviously not THAT much of an "expert". On ANYTHING. It was a piece of information which greatly brightened my day, because it's one of those stories that shows you that no matter how bad your day may be, or how bad you're feeling, there's always someone out there who is having a WAY worse day. You think she got a call from the Secret Service after that aired? "Um...Ma'am, we need you to come with us. It's well-known that leaking information about the fisting tendencies of the First Family is a severe breach of National Security." She's gotta be breathing a sigh of relief that he closed Gitmo. If it had been Bush, she would've BECOME an expert on what she said the Obamas were doing....

I also got one lousy piece of news today. I found out Michael, whom you may remember from last tour and last blog, and whom you should STILL not confuse with Mike (he of the topless truck) got hit by a taxi today in NY and broke his wrist and shattered one of ankles. He is thankfully not hurt any worse than that and will recover, no thanks to the crappy hospital he was first taken to. He finally got picked up by his mom and taken back to the Poconos where he received medical care which had less in common with former Soviet Republics. But he will be out of commission for 10 weeks, not including rehab. Pretty shitty, since the taxi apparently sped right into the intersection and sent him flying. So please, gentle readers, he's not only dealing with injury but also being knocked out (quite literally) of audition season in New York; send him good thoughts for a swift recovery and a huge settlement from the idiot in the cab. He's one of the nice guys from last tour, and as you remember there weren't many of them.

Anyway, that's all for tonight. We have our first full run tomorrow, and I need to be something akin to conscious for it. I promise to try to be less ranty tomorrow. If nothing else, at least tomorrow is Saturday, so we'll have the next day off. Ah....tour....could be worse I guess. I could be a relationship "expert." 

I spent a week there one day.

Pardon me, gentle readers, if I don't get up. My ass has been royally kicked. Today was a particularly long day, since we worked through both Necklace AND Frog--the two stories which have the most detailed bits and blocking. It's a good thing that I like cottage cheese, because by the time we left, that's what my mind had turned into. I really felt sorry for the new people especially Ted and Alice, she they play the Frog and Matilda in Necklace, respectively, and really, those two roles are the ones which are the hardest on the actors playing them due to the physical stresses and requirements. It's especially hilarious when you get through the incredibly slow work-thru of Frog, thinking there's no way you're going to be able to get through a story with that much energy and physicality at the end of the show until you do the run and remember the whole thing runs about 9 minutes. But we have worked through every single story now, so we're ready to start putting the whole thing together, thank god. We're going to end up doing private performances in schools for the entire month of February, which means we won't have a crew to help us with scene changes until march, so we're also going to start putting all the scene changes together as well. That'll save us some time in tech, which is nice since we only have three days of tech, one of which Ted won't be at until almost the end of the day. THAT won't be a long day, not at all.

I have to say, I'm enjoying this rehearsal process way more than the last one. Of course, a great deal of that comes from the fact that I knew what i was getting myself into this time, so all the horror and shock at how Chamber runs their business has no place with me now. And even though it is causing a little more tension and worry, I like the fact the rehearsal process is shorter this time. Maybe it's because I've done the show already, but I'm looking forward to getting this show on the road (literally) and getting back into the routine of the tour. (Even though that routine will require us to load in and out of tiny little school spaces for a whole month. Maybe I need to rethink this whole working for a touring theatre more than once thing....) I do hope I make myself be more productive on this tour than I was on the last one. I have a bunch of projects I want to work on, and I hope I am a little more strict with myself and actually work on them instead of zoning out watching hour upon hour of House. Or maybe I need to just give up now and sidestep the whole guilt issue. Both sides make compelling arguments. Stay tuned--we'll break into regular programming as developments warrant.

So not much else to talk about. The brand spanking new van they let me take home to park I now no longer have, since someone decided to send out a van without full insurance coverage. I'm not sure how it is a company takes delivery of a van that isn't insured correctly. Of course, I also don't know how the van company actually DELIVERS a van without correct insurance coverage. But I've been told that it'll all be worked out tomorrow, so I will once again be wheeled. Oh yeah...a man and his van....how '70's... I've also discovered that we have another smoker in the company--Schneider (which was the name of the building's handyman on One Day at a Time--hence using it as the alias for the electrician--) also partakes in the demon tobacco. I just hope that doesn't undermine Alice's attempts to quit. Although the last few days she's been smoking on breaks a LOT. I can't blame her. Having all this stuff thrown at one can really flip you out, especially when you're being moved in distances of half-inches for some of these poses. But everyone's getting along really well, even with all the stress, and everyone seems to have similar senses of humor, although Ted does have a tendency to freak Carol out with some of what he says. Which really annoys me, because when you get right down to it, I'M the one who's supposed to cross other peoples lines! Hellooooooo! I do believe that was in my contract. Someone get my agent on the phone...oh wait....never mind.

So now Spring may be coming to see our very FIRST run-thru on Saturday instead of waiting until Monday morning. I believe she has some grand high muckety-muck New York business to take care of on Monday and that may keep her from being able to make it in the morning, and since we have to go to the wig and makeup guy Monday afternoon (New Ichabod noses! Huzzah!) she can't come later on Monday. Who knows? Oh, and for anyone who hasn't read any of the follow-up comments, Harvey Kneeslapper was a Muppet who appeared on Sesame Street and was prone to pulling practical jokes and uttering REALLY bad puns. And we're talking old school Sesame Street. Not only pre-Elmo (or as I like to call it, the GOOD years) but also pre-Mr. Hooper's death. (Harvey Kneeslapper auditioning to be one of Robin Hood's Merry Men--with Ernie as Robin Hood--is a fond and lovely childhood memory. And incidentally, one of the few--and maybe only--scenes where Ernie is the straight man.) So there you have it. I will endeavor to be more creative with my pop culture references, so as not to bore too may people with obvious ones. It's the curse of the genius, gentle readers. Once you demonstrate brilliance, no-one is willing to accept just plain old excellence.....but fear not, I shall soldier on. For me, it's really all about my public....

Did I say this was going to be easy?

Well, there you have it, gentle readers. It has finally happened. A little later than last time, and with none of the true hair-tearing and barely audible cursing, but we have finally reached the day where it seemed like rehearsal would never end. Part of that, for me, was because we worked Tell-Tale this morning and after running through the killing and the very end a few times, we ran the whole thing, and then I sat down for notes. Oh dear lord. First off, i don't think I've ever had an experience where I was told I was too subtle. Well, to be fair, Pat never said I was too subtle, but since she was telling me she didn't see things that I knew I was trying to get across, it stands to reason that my portrayal was too small and subtle. Don't worry, my friends, I'm having a hard time believing it myself. In fact, i didn't think I had the genetic makeup for subtle. And while I have to say I agreed with everything Pat was saying she does have this tendency to tell you something, explain it so you understand it, then continue explaining it for another five minutes or so. No matter how many times I said "right" or "yep" or (trying to still be that underplayed subtle guy) "I got it." she would just keep reiterating things to me over and over again. And that's where it gets frustrating for me. Just tell me once. Explain it if you have to, but once I make all those understanding noises, move on. It means I got it and am ready to be infused with the next morsel of brilliance from your directorial smorgasbord.  But that's the problem with some of the people around here. They love to hear themselves direct. Ah well. Like I said, I do agree with most of what she was saying, even though I have to admit, since it all involved intensity and intention, I did come out of it feeling just a little beat to shit. I thought I had a pretty good handle on this thing, but apparently not. Of course, to listen to Pat give examples, I'd be talking like Boris Karloff on valium, so it's a fine line I have to walk. But hey--at least there's a challenge. Gives me something to focus on while I'm napping through Monkey's Paw.

Besides my drawn-out ordeal, we also fit Ted into the Headless Horseman puppet and tried to make sure he wouldn't go careening off the stage, especially when Bob and Alice starting whipping his cape around during the ride. They were yanking on him pretty good, and I was worried he'd get pulled backwards right off the edge of the stage. Thankfully, we managed to get through it all without breaking him, so that's good. And I actually had a pretty high point on the day as well. I got to go back to Costume Works and try on the Ichabod jumpsuit, which fit perfectly. The gals at CW liked it so much they're thinking of making all the Ichabod costumes like that, regardless of how fast the costume change is for the actor. So for anyone out there who may, in the future work for Chamber, play Ichabod, and be presented with an outfit you can get into in about 8 seconds, you're welcome. One of the ladies who worked thee whom i had not previously met came in with her newborn son. And I mean NEW--5 weeks old. Absolutely adorable. Of course he didn't DO anything, but he was neither crying, vomiting, nor pooping, so really, it was the best kind of baby viewing you could ask for.

When I got back from CW, we worked through the Monkey's Paw. And I mean we WORKED through it. It took about 3 hours to get through the whole thing. One reason is that we are stopping and tightening things up far more than we probably would if our rehearsal was longer. But since we have to start doing runs of the entire show come Friday, and we have a producer run on Monday, I think Pat's a little more particular at this stage, if that's humanly possible for her. Working Monkey's Paw, for me, wasn't strenuous, just slow and kind of boring since I'm on for roughly 30 seconds. I did get some good napping in, which any actor will tell you is the most important thing at a rehearsal. And I am now in possession of our van, which is brand spanking new, with less than 2000 miles on it and all the amenities you could possibly hope for. I discovered that Flo, who is from a small town in Texas just outside of Houston, also finds great humor in my T-shirts (I'm batting 1000 with this cast!) and knows at least one Blood Sweat and Tears song. Oh, and both she and Ted like to do karaoke. The road doesn't seem so terrifying anymore somehow. (See, it doesn't take much to make me happy. Now to KEEP me happy, that's a whole different kettle of fish. Now FISH....but that's another story.)

We also met our electrician today. He didn't hang around very much--I'm sure he had electrical things to do, not to mention running around and getting the physical taken care of. But he seemed very nice for the minute and a half or so I talked to him this morning. Like everyone else right now, he seems very laid back. Which is good, because electrician (at least last tour) struck me as one of the more stressful jobs on this tour. His name (alias, that is...) is Schneider. Let's see how obvious everyone finds THAT! And I'm still waiting on guesses for Harvey Kneeslapper......

Well, anyway, I have stayed up far too log and must away to bed. Slowly slogging through Necklace and Frog tomorrow...hope I'm not too subtle.

Is it REALLy that new a day?

Before I get cooking on what I planned to blog about tonight, I realize I have to finish some unfinished business. (Which is really the only kind of business you CAN finish.) Some of you may have been confused by the title of yesterday's post--And then there were 6--though not too confused, since I didn't receive one comment asking what the hell I was talking about. I only realized just now that I had forgotten to include the one bit of information that would've made that post make sense. Yesterday we met our understudy/sound tech/house manager--a very nice young lady by the name of Flo. (NOT her real name--aliases, 'member?) I shall pause while you all take a collective Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! V8 moment. (Pause) Thank you. Flo came in on the train from NY yesterday, and is rooming in the same cast house as Alice. (Hence the alias--I'm not even going to try to make you guess that one. I've been told my aliases are too obvious. Even though I would like to point out that not EVERYONE who reads this blog remembers the 70's....) Anyway, she seems very nice and has already jumped into running sound during rehearsals. She's picking it up pretty quickly, so that's good. We await only the electrician, who will be arriving tomorrow. I don't have much more to say about Flo at this time, since she just got here, but so far everyone's been able to handle both the increasingly slow and meticulous rehearsals ND my sense of humor, so I look forward to the tour with unbridled optimism. 

Rehearsal is still going well, though not as smoothy as before, due to the fact we are now working through the stories instead of just getting the basic blocking down, and Pat is very (as I believe I've said on more than one occasion) FREAKING SPECIFIC. Again, I appreciate it. It makes everything cleaner when we have beats and bits that are timed and worked. And it helps that everyone feels the same way about making sure those thing are clean. Sad to say, not everyone last time felt that way. (Though those people don't read this blog....no matter how had they tried.) So the days are getting longer. AND we have our first run for Spring on Monday. Yep--when they said accelerated rehearsal schedule, they weren't kidding. Eeek. Thankfully, I don't think Spring will have them turn off the heater during the run so she can hear us better like she did with the fans in August so we should at least be something akin to comfortable. Or as akin to comfortable as one can be with Spring Sirkin staring at your every move with her tiny beady evil-old-lady-from-Rosemary's-Baby-whose-name-has-temporarily-escaped-me-even-though-I-used-to-know-who-that-actress-was eyes. But people are already getting off book pretty well, and we're all remembering the basic blocking, so I'm not too worried about it. (Ask me again on Saturday...)

But none of that is what tonight's post is about. As you may have heard, we swore in a new President today. I KNOW--who knew? I mean, they've kept it such a secret. Hardly any press at all. Barely mentioned in the news or on TV. I won't bore you with attempting to discuss the historical significance or ramifications of tis Presidency, since many people far more qualified than I (and some less) have beaten us over the head with the the historical significance and ramifications of this Presidency over the last 3 months. (Preceded of course by the historical significance and ramifications of the election and before that by the historical significance and ramifications of the campaign.) Let me be very clear: I am overjoyed that Barack Obama is President of the United States. I think that his election IS historic, and I think it does signify some wonderful shifts in our national consciousness. And I am hopeful for the future. I also think that he has energized a population that had grown dour and cynical, and that he has visions and plans for this country that, realized, could push us forward by leaps and bounds and perhaps restore our ability to be more than the biggest consumer nation on earth with the biggest bombs and the worst TV. 

That being said, I have to also say that I think some of this energized population has gone a little crazy. And believe me, it is totally justified. Considering the situation this country is in at the moment, and what the last eight years has been like, euphoria at a change like this is understandable and allowable. BUT (oh yeah, here comes Andrew's inner cynic) Barack Obama is not the second coming. Period, end of sentence. Things are not going to change overnight. When we all wake up tomorrow, there will not be 99 cent gas, the mortgage crisis will not have miraculously cleared up, and the stock market is still going to suck. Suicide bombers are still going to kill Americans in Iraq, Israel is still going to blow the shit out of Gaza, and Hamas is still going to blow the shit out of Israel. Nothing Obama has to deal with is easy. Nothing that he has to deal with is going to go away without a shitload of hard work and (get ready for this, America, because it's a word we all hate to hear) SACRIFICE. To fix the problems in this country, Americans are going to have to GIVE a little. Some Americans' taxes are going to go up. Now, hopefully under Obama, the people whose taxes will go up are the people making all the damn money in the country, but taxes will go up. Why? Because research into alternative energy sources, and a national health care reform plan and ways to make sure people get a halfway decent education costs MONEY. And no, we can't just print more. So that money has to come from somewhere. And yes, we can get a lot of it by ending that billions of dollars a day debacle called the Iraq war, and yes we can get a bunch of money by cutting back wasteful government spending, but those measures are only going to go so far. And moving beyond the money issue, should Obama's plans come to fruition, we will have to make sacrifices in other ways. Guess what America--you're not going to get a huge-ass Hummer that runs on corn oil. You'll just have to compensate for your feelings of inadequacy some other way, like clinging to guns and the Bible.

Also, if you think that just because Obama is President and there's a majority of Democrats in Congress all these plans are just going to zip through like water through a goose (or is that shit off a duck's back? I can never remember) you're dreaming. Washington is still Washington, and even though everyone sees a need to do SOMETHING to make things better, people are still going to disagree on what that something is. Yes, there's a greater chance that things will move through in a less watered-down form because of the Democratic majority, but it's still going to take a while. We may not (and probably WON'T) see any of these ideas come to fruition within 4 years. The question for Obama's Presidency is how many of his plans can he get the ball rolling on before his term is up, and how much closer will we be to being in a better place? It took 8 years to take this country from prosperity to depression, from global respect to antipathy from even our allies. It's going to take more than 4 years to remedy that. Thankfully, even though he is an amazing orator, and has been running on a message of inspiration and hope and being able to do whatever it takes, Obama has never shied away from admitting how hard the road ahead is. He has counseled against expecting change to be swift or easy. He understands and appreciates the enormity of the challenge before him. And just for that, just for that awareness, that acuity, and that honesty to warn that it's gonna get darker before it gets lighter, I am overjoyed he was elected. Because it shows to me that maybe, just maybe, America is ready to take the first tentative steps out of the ignorant, uninformed, vapid haze it's put itself into for far too long and move forward into a future where we once again prefer to be led and guided by intelligence and clear vision, by rational thought and diplomacy, by dreams that remind us that we were and still can be a nation that can accomplish anything if we put our minds AND our backs into it, where we can disagree and still respect each other and still work together to find a solution where we both win rather than both receive something that is nothing of what either side wanted. I am optimistic because America elected the smart guy, and what that says about where we are ready to go makes me feel better about this country than I have for a long time. And while tomorrow may not be a new day, at least it'll be a day where we're looking in a new direction. So gird your loins, America, and start up those little grey cells up top. It's time to start thinking AND acting. And I think we just might be up to it.

And then there were 6

Greetings all! I'm sorry there was no post yesterday, but it snowed all day, effectively making it impossible to walk anywhere, so after a slog to the local convenience store to get coffee (Crystal, the lady I'm staying with, only has instant) I decided there was no way in hell I was going back outside unless forced to by a house fire. Thankfully, everyone in the house managed to keep from playing with matches, so I spent a day shut in playing online poker and watching my Monk: Season 6 DVDs. All in all, not a horrible way to spend a Sunday. Especially when Jodi called me and told me that they were pushing today's rehearsal back from 10 to 11 because it was a holiday. Not sure exactly what that had to do with anything, but I'm not looking an extra hour of sleep in the mouth....if you don't mind a hopelessly mangled metaphor. So like I said, a good day, though I have to say, I am already over the whole winter thing. I mean, really, enough is enough. Mother Nature has crammed an entire winter's worth of shitty weather into barely half that time, so I think she can afford to lighten the hell up! Look, I'd even be willing to take the horrifically cold weather if we could just do away with the snow. Cold weather at least doesn't making moving around difficult. On the contrary--it acts like motivation to get your ass moving. So there ya go, mother Nature, there's the deal. I think it's quite a generous offer when you get right down to it. Think it over, have your people call my people.

So today we finished up our blocking, and I have to admit, it was the longest, and to date, most frustrating day so far. Nowhere near as frustrating as any of the first few days last tour, but still pretty hair-tearing near the end. First off, we finished up the Necklace, which, since it's Pat's baby, always takes a while. She's infinitesimally specific about every moment, so it takes a while to get everything worked out. I'll admit the finished product is worth all the frustration, because when everything is running like clockwork, it really does look very impressive. That doesn't help so much when you're going over the same move for the 20th time, but it's something to look to in the future. The surprising thing is how long it took for her to clean up Frog. That's the one that had me the most frustrated, partly because I didn't remember it being such a down-to-the-minutest-detail rehearsal last time. Of course the reason for that is the fact that the first time we rehearsed, Pat was being pulled between two or three tours at the same time so she was only able to swing through every few days, throw out some ideas for bits, then split, so we didn't work any of the bits quite as much as she probably would've liked, or as much as we probably needed. The other problem is that Pat, for whatever strengths she may have, is a really bad verbal communicator. And she doesn't have the best memory when it comes to what some of the sound cues actually sound like, so there's a number of times when she's trying to tell us the sequence of things, and she thinks there's a different sequence than there actually is. Add to that t he fact she's also having trouble actually verbalizing what it is she wants us to do and when, and you get a lot of misunderstandings that result in a lot of redone bits. It frustrates me perhaps more than others because a) I've done this show before and I remember what all our bits were (or should've been) from the last production and b) I may not have many strong points as an actor, but one strong point I do have is a sense of timing for cartoony bits. If you tell me what you want, I can give it to you, no problem. But when what you're telling me is vague, or doesn't match what I have to work with, then I'm going to have trouble, which means I look like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Pat has the picture in her head, she just can't get it out of her mouth. I think that's the main reason she prefers to walk our roles for us and shove us around like chess pieces. I'm far more used to that now, but there are times I still just want to yell at her--"Just TELL me what you want and I'll do it." Or when I'm really frustrated--"Use your WORDS!" But all in all, things are going more smoothly than I would've thought. Though Pat is also doing the whole seeming way overly protective of us and our physical well-being thing. Which believe me, I appreciate, even though she seems to do it on odd things. ("If you're finding it difficult to sit there on the platform, because it stresses your back, then feel free to lay down while we work this.") I find this mothering funny (in an odd, ironic way, not a Harvey Kneeslapper kind of way....oh, and 50 points to anyone who knows who THAT is) only because when it comes to tech and things like having lights in the wings or backstage so we can see where we're going during some of the scene changes, it's "No, that'll ruin the look of the scene change." Never mind that there were many times people going offstage ran into lights or platforms, we wouldn't want to ruin the look of the scene change. That's just the little idiosyncracies that make Chamber Chamber. 

The interesting thing right now is that I've been out of Chicago for less than a week, and I already feel like I've been gone for a month. It's a fascinating dichotomy, because I do enjoy the work and I even enjoy the touring lifestyle, for the most part, but after four months or so of it before, this new stretch of rehearsal at least, is a little less exciting. I mean, I enjoy putting the show together, since I'm doing different things, and I enjoy meeting new people, but I don't think I really had enough time home in between the end of the last one and the beginning of this one to really feel like I finished something. But then I enjoy this a hell of a lot more than a regular job or unemployment, so I can't complain too much. And if the damn TV show ever gets off the ground, I'll be running around the country on a bus, so maybe this is perfect practice for it. I just miss all my friends, none of whom I got to visit and hang out with enough when I was home, my dog, whom I did not get to walk enough when i was home, and my wife, whom I did not get to....well, I'll keep the blog PG rated....but it wasn't enough. :-) (And no, I don't necessarily miss those three groups in that order, so calm down, honey...) Anyway, I am looking forward to getting o the road and actually getting to do the show, but I am also looking forward to getting back to Chicago and getting back to putting together what passes for my career. I know touring's part of the life, and I'll probably do some more in the future, but I really plan on trying to stay put as much as possible for a while once I make it back to the WIndy City. (Unless someone has a kick-ass role with a even more kick-ass paycheck. Hey, I never claimed NOT to be a whore....)

So that's all the news that's fit to print (and even some that isn't) so I'll talk to y'all later. Oh, and 100 points to anyone who can figure out what the aliases of my castmates refer to. (And no, Marta, you don't get to play, because I already told you...) Let the Googling begin!!!!

Everybody's working for the weekend...

So here we are, gentle readers. We have arrived at the end of the first week of rehearsal. (Yes, I know it's actually only been three days, but trust me, when you work for Chamber, that's as good as a week.) We have now at least roughly blocked every single show, save for the latter half of the Necklace, which will be finished on Monday. And again, things have gone surprisingly smoothly. (Does anyone else ever find it weird when you put two word that end in -ly next to each other? I don't know why it would be incorrect, but it always sounds that way whenever I say it out loud.) Or at least they did until Pat left for an afternoon meeting (hence why Necklace isn't finished) and Jodi took over blocking Frog for us. As much as one might chafe under the micro-managerial style of Pat, it's like a breath of fresh air when compared to the chaotic, frantic mess that is being given blocking by Jodi. She rushes through large chunks of the script, shouting directions from her table (half of which are wrong) in a decidedly non-specific manner . ("Exit Left" Which left? We have three! Up Left? Down left? Straight off into the wings?) This was done mostly so that the girl playing the narrator knows where her sound effects are, since she does most of them in fine Foley fashion. That would be great if Jodi could remember where they come in. But hey, it's not her fault. She's only worked for the company for five years. Now, to be fair, I understand not being clear on which bits are in or out, since every tour is different with that, but the placement of these sound effects really shouldn't change. I don't know. Maybe I just need something to bitch about since I haven't been doing enough kvetching, but I could see the blindsided looks in the new people's faces since they had just gotten used to all the blocking being so precise. It's a lot to ingest all at once, and it's even more difficult when it's being fired at you from a verbal salad shooter. However, despite that, the day went well, and the two ladies and I went across the street to the Dublin House (A decidedly non-Irish Irish bar which has no draft beer and really good wings) to have an after-rehearsal drink, some dinner, and generally figure out who the hell we all are, since we really don't have that much time to kibbutz (now why does that word mean both to chit-chat in a relatively gossipy way AND a Israeli settlement?) during rehearsal. But I have had a chance to conversate with pretty much everyone by now so here it is--you know you want it--the cast!

Me: You know me. You certainly don't want to hear my impressions of myself. Of course if that's true, what the hell are you doing reading this blog?

Bob: (remember--I promised aliases) He's about ten years older than me. In fact, I believe he may be the oldest one in the cast, a title I relinquish with joy. He's also the only other person in the cast that's toured with Chamber before. He seems very nice and even-tempered. he also has a love of puns and quirky humor, so god help the rest of the cast when the two of us start going. He's very methodical and as I said before, strikes me as a little OCD. But he seems to share my attitudes toward touring, which is to just relax and try to be as considerate of everyone else as possible. And since he's dealt with life on the Chamber road, I doubt he'll end up being a problem. So really, as Ichabod, I couldn't ask for a nicer arch-nemesis. He also plays the Inspector in Tell-Tale, Brom in Sleepy Hollow, Mr. White in The Monkey's Paw, the other Narrator in Necklace, and the Stranger in Frog.

Ted: He's a local, and I can't get a read on his age yet. I figure he's older than I am, but he could also be around my age. It's hard to tell. He's a character actor, so that makes things hard to determine. His pop culture references peg him as older, but then, so do mine. He's very affable, and is a ready source of all manner of information, so I'm thinking a game of Trivial Pursuit is out of the question. He's new to the whole Chamber experience, but seems to be taking it all in stride. He seems very easygoing, so at this point, it seems like the guys are going to be able to get along pretty well. Thankfully, he's got the same sort of twisted sense of humor I do. That's good, because on some of these drives, we're all gonna have to be able to laugh at things  that just aren't funny. He also plays The Old Man in Tell-Tale, Balthus Van Tassel in Sleepy Hollow, Herbert White (or Mommy's Little Zombie, as I like to refer to him) in the Monkey's Paw, poor put-upon husband Bernard in The Necklace, and the Frog in Jumping Frog.

Alice: She is the youngest person in our tour (at least until the electrician and understudy show up--I have no idea how old they are) at the tender age of 22. She's also the only smoker on the tour, though she's trying to quit. (NOT cold turkey, thank heavens for ALL of us!) She's the native New Yorker, from up near Albany. Tall, lithe, a dancer-type who, by her own admission, doesn't dance. (There's nothing I like sharing the stage with more than a contradiction.) She has a taste for whiskey, so you know that whatever else, she can't be all bad. She has a very well-developed sense of humor, which is evidenced by the fact she finds my T-shirts very funny... From what I've gathered, she hasn't toured before, but at least so far, she seems to be able to deal with the weirdness with good humor and a positive attitude. (And an occasional whisky don't hurt either...purely medicinal) She also plays Katrina in Sleepy, Amelia in the Monkey's Paw, social climbing Matilda in the Necklace, and the Girl Frog in Jumping Frog

Carol: She's been a little quieter during this rehearsal process than most of the others, and has spent some breaks in the rehearsal room looking at her script. But she is very outgoing, quick-witted, and has a solid sense of humor, both about the whole situation in general, and herself. Lives in NY now, but spent a number of years in Arizona, so according to her, she hasn't been warm since she got here. I don't think that's an exaggeration at all. Hell, I haven't been warm since I got here, and I'm from Chicago! She'll turn 25 during the tour, so there will be celebrating. I'll turn 37 during the tour. There'll be less celebrating. She is the darker hair to Alice's blonde, and while she does not share Alice's penchant for whiskey, she has been known to knock back a few beers when the occasion calls for it. I don't believe she has toured either prior to this, but she has done summer stock, and if you can stand being cooped up with a bunch of people in the middle of nowhere for a summer, then really, a van isn't that much worse. After all, at least the scenery changes. Sorta. Neither of the ladies is particularly keen on the truck driving aspect, but they're both game to try it, so that bodes well. All in all, Carol seems very friendly, upbeat, and dedicated to getting her stuff down as soon as possible. Which is good, since she plays the Narrator in Sleepy Hollow, Mrs. White in Monkey's Paw, Madame "I probably should've told you this earlier, but..." Forestier in the Necklace, and the Narrator in Jumping Frog. Yep, just call her Madame Exposition!

Speaking of driving trucks, the story of how our truck from the last tour got the top of it sheared off under a bridge came up--and I didn't bring it up! Jodi did. Ah yes, my last tour is now being used as a cautionary tale. I feel so proud. What makes me feel even better is that the rest of the cast was appalled and amazed when the heard the story. That makes me feel very optimistic about the future of any of our vehicles on this tour. So for those of you who were on my last tour who are reading this, know that the hellishly long day we put in, the angst and frustration we felt, and the murderous rage which welled up within us...(okay maybe that last one was just me, but back me up...) were not in vain. Cold comfort, I know. But with this weather, what more can you expect? 

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Okay, before I say anything else, I need to say this. It is freaking COLD! And it just needs to stop. Whatever the climate is doing, whatever lesson it's trying to teach us, okay, we get it! Back off! We all understand that we humans are mere gnats in the face of Mother Nature and if she really wanted to she could wipe us all out without breaking a sweat. (Especially in this weather.) We got it! Now turn up the thermostat! It's so cold (pause) Come on, you DID say "How cold is it?" didn't you? If you're reading this, you damn well better have. It's so cold I'm getting out-of-state calls telling me my car won't start. Okay, not the greatest punchline in the world, but it is true. Marta called me this morning telling me my car wouldn't start. Sadly, I was in possession of neither 700 mile-long jumper cables nor a car at this end to hook them up to. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a great lesson one learns when one becomes a husband. (SIngle guys, listen up. This will save you some frustration later in life) Sometimes, all they really want is for you to say, "That sucks, hon. I'm sorry." And let's face it, we can remember that. The incorrect response? "Well what the hell am I supposed to do about it? I'm in Boston!" (And for the record, that is not what I said. I would never reveal my location.) Oh, and for those disappointed in my punchline--It's so cold that smokers can't tell when to stop exhaling! Yep, that's me--the Ralph Malph of the 21st century. The real reason I want this cold weather to disappear as quickly as possible is that until such time as it warms up, I am forced to do something that I despise more than a 9-5 job. Wearing  a hat.

Understand something. I do not usually wear hats. Not unless I'm also wearing a costume, reciting lines, and getting paid. However, since the temps have been lower than Bush's approval ratings, (How sad are comedians gonna be after January 20th?) I have been forced into wearing one in order to keep warm and be polite. WHat? Polite? Whatever do you mean, Andrew? Well, I'll tell you. Crystal, the very sweet, kind, considerate woman with whom I am staying during my tenure here in Boston, saw one day that I was sans chapeau and insisted that I wear one of the several stocking caps that she has lying around the house since the mercury had dipped lower than American consumer confidence. (Obviously the reason that the mercury is dipping so low has nothing to do with climate change or global warming or El Nino or anything like that. It's because Jeremy Piven is hoarding all the mercury. HA! Take THAT Mr. Far More Famous Than I Can Ever Hope To Be...) Tell me gentle readers, how can I say no to that? This woman let me use her car to go get groceries since she had to wait for the plumber to come over and couldn't drive me herself. She's a lovely person, and is trying to make sure I don't freeze. How can I look at her and say, "Are you mad? Stocking caps make me look like a wooly rodent!" And they do--without hair, the line from the top of my head down to the tip of my nose is a horrible, never-ending, unbroken bobsled run that should not be forced upon the rest of the world. But I had to accept, and now I feel guilty if I don't wear it. Thankfully the walk to rehearsal is blessedly short, and the four flights of stairs up to the hall allows me ample time to remove it and fix whatever it's done to my hair. Thank goodness I got a haircut before I left for Boston! But I do understand it's helpful. After all, you lose 40% of your heat through your head. And yes that is true because when I was walking without the hat on my head, my hands, which were gloved and in my pockets, were cold. But when I wore the hat, my hands (again, gloved and in my pockets) were NOT cold. Ergo, that statistic has been scientifically proven! (Well, come on, it's at least as good as the science the idiot who did Supersize Me) The upshot of all this is--it needs to warm the hell up.

So today was day number two of rehearsal, and the first day we had the whole group together. We were doing Sleepy Hollow today, going through it to make sure we got all the blocking. It went very quickly, or at least more quickly than I had expected. Two of us have done it already, so that helps, but the other thing is, we don't have a director. I mean, of course we have a director, since Pat is doing the directing, but we don't have someone OTHER than Pat who's listed as the director. Last time, poor Terry had three different people telling him three different ways to direct the shows, added on top of the fact he was under the misapprehension that he ha been hired to actually DIRECT, rather than just do what everybody else had done for 30 years. THAT slowed things down considerably. So since we're getting the pure, undiluted vision of Pat, we don't have to wait while it passes through all those filters before being told it's all gone horribly horribly wrong and we need to change everything. It's a very interesting dynamic. We got all the way through it before lunch, had the time after lunch to run it and move on and block all the way through Monkey's Paw before we went home. It was fun to get a chance to sit out in the house and see Monkey's Paw being put together, since I didn't get a chance to really see it the last time, playing Mr. White. But now I'm barely in it at all, so I got to sit back and watch it. Cool, in an odd, out-of-body kind of way. It's kind of fun to be putting this show together for a second time. I have so much less stress about it, even though we have an abbreviated rehearsal schedule. Our first show, as of now (let's all repeat the Chamber mantra--THAT MAY CHANGE) is February 3rd. But regardless,I'm a little more at ease. Of course it is only the second day. Any one of you, gentle readers, may throw that last assertion in my face upon the appearance of the first HOLY SHIT WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO WE"RE NEVER GOING TO GET THIS THING RIGHT IN TIME post. Ooooooooh I heard the multiple creaks as everyone leaned forward eagerly in their chairs.

I still haven't gotten that much of a grasp on the cast., so the breakdown will have to wait. If I remember correctly, it took about five days or so before I gave impressions of the last cast, so I see no reason to rush. However, in this blog, I will take a page from Steph's blog and use aliases. For me, that is. I don't want anyone knowing who I am--it's dangerous. Suffice it to say, right now, things are going very smoothly and I am enjoying myself. That of course means disaster is bound to rear it's ugly head any day now. And I'm sure it'll be wearing a stocking cap.

And it begins

Welcome everyone to glorious day ONE of the new Chamber tour! Met the new cast today, read for Spring, got our roles, and then were sent to the four winds to do various paperwork and administrative stuff. In short, not a whole heck of a lot. But, it was a good day. The new cast seems very nice. I won't go too in-depth right now, since we didn't really get a lot of time to hang with each other, so my first impressions aren't really all that impressive. I haven't even formed any real first impressions, so those will come pater on in the rehearsal process, once Ive had a chance to work with everyone for more than five minutes doing cold reads.

But the interesting thing is--I am NOT the oldest person on this tour! Hooray! I know, you're all asking yourself, "How did that happen? Isn't Andrew just by definition the oldest person EVER?" Well, shockingly enough, it is not true. There are people out there doing children's theatre older than I, and I have 2 of them in my cast! Both of the other men are older than I am. It's amazing, it's astounding, it's GREAT! Finally, other people who will ache in the morning! I feel more optimistic about the tour already. One of the guys has already done tours with Chamber on several occasions, so that's helpful. We all met this morning and this time NOT everyone and their brother is from NY! The two girls live in NY, though only one is a native. The other is from Arizona. (Which is perilously close to New Mexico, but it doesn't seem to have affected her quite like our last southwestern lady...) One of the guys is from Georgia, and the other gentlemen is from Boston itself. Ahhhhhhh.....I can just hear the lack of talk about Meisner now. (Sigh) So after introductions and such, we went in to be coached by Pat on the readings Spring would want to see. It was a little odd doing the lines I'd done for so long with different people, watching them do the readings, knowing kind of what Spring and Pat were looking for. It felt all foreign to me, even as I also felt completely comfortable and not at all stressed. I mean, after all, I knew they obviously liked what i did, since I'm back and I also already knew what my roles were going to be, so I had none of the heart-pounding terror a visit from Spring used to engender. It also helped that Spring walked in and actually said hello to everyone. I shall now pause while my gentle readers pick themselves up from the floor. It's true, my friends She was smiling and friendly. Well, by friendly, I mean she said hello to us all before falling into the silent talking she does that only Pat can hear. Sort of like a dog whistle. We did the reading so she could determine the casting for the girls, who are not quite such obvious types as last time, so I guess there was more question. But the readings all went well, with Spring even laughing during some of it. I really should lay down some padding if you're going to keep falling down like that. By laughing, I mean she made a sound when something that should've been funny happened. Since she was smiling when she made the sound I assumed it was laughter.

When the readings were over, we adjourned to the green room to await the decision. The new cast members asked the two of us who had done this already questions abut what the tour was like, and I tried to be as truthful as possible without scaring them all away. Spring said goodbye to us all and thanked us when she left. Okay really, now I have to wonder if you're just clumsy. Let me help you up. I'm serious, gentle readers. It was like she was in a completely different universe. She seemed.....personable. Maybe she had just come from cutting some Broadway hopeful's career short, so she was in a good mood, I don't know. Anyway, once the Grand Dame had left, we got the castings, and then the ladies were sent off to the costumers to get fitted while the rest of us blocked Tell-Tale Heart.

This was the first time I had actually done the role of the Narrator without desperately hoping not to be given the role, and we were really just trying to zip through it for the blocking, so there was little to no acting direction, but it actually went pretty quickly. And Pat wasn't anywhere near as annoying or condescending as she was before. Or maybe I just don't notice it as much. Though she did tell the guy playing the old man to do things this time that were in direct conflict with the way she told me to do them last time, so it's nice to know that not EVERYTHING changes. The one guy, who had done the shows before told me he's not the swiftest study when it comes to learning lines, which isn't too big of a deal since he's done the show before, but is a kind of problem since he's doing different parts than he sometimes does. But at least he realizes it, so I think there shouldn't be any big issue there. So all in all, the first blocking rehearsal went very well. We'll see how tomorrow with Sleepy Hollow goes, once we have the whole company together. I smell LONG DAY.

Once we had finished blocking Tell-Tale, they sent me and the other returning actor to the costumers to get fitted, and sent the new guy off to take the highly useless and completely unnecessary DOT physical. Can I just say one more time how much I love working with Costume Works in Boston? They are wonderful people, and completely dedicated to making things as easy for the actor as possible. Since this time I'm playing the Tell tale Narrator, I can't be underdressed as ichabod, like I was when i played the Old Man, so now I have a hellacious costume change to look forward to, involving changing pants, shirt, jackets, cravats, shoes, and wigs--along with adding a big fake nose, with no more than a minute or so to do it. They had some kind of fast-change version of my Ichabod outfit but it was still a lot of stuff to try to force into a minute, so they actually asked me to think about it while they fitted the other guy. When they got to me, I suggested putting the vest and pants together in like a jumpsuit with a zipper up the back, with a fake shirt and cravat sewn into the vest (that part they already had) and then add the jacket with fake shirt sleeves sewn into that. (They also had that) They went for turning the vest/shirt pice and pants into a jumpsuit, even though that was going to involve a crapload of work, and others had done it the other way before me. But they wanted the change to be as smooth as possible and that's why I love these ladies. They really are all about what makes everything go easy AND look good. So huzzah to them.

That was pretty much the day. We went through all the costumes, and everything fit really well. The best part as having to get some different costume pieces or take in the old ones since I had lost such a substantial amount of weight from the last fitting to this one. You gotta love that. Then, when I made it back home (which took way too long. Believe me, friends, no-one should ever complain about the El in Chicago at rush hour. It beats the hell out of Boston's T when it comes to delays and slowdowns.) I saw a news report that a plane had gone down in the Hudson River shortly after taking off due to being struck by a flock of geese, which had caused the engines to fail. First off, don't you think the geese would see a plane? And isn't there some goose grapevine where news of these huge fast-flying things might have reached all the geese so they know to get the hell out of the way? I mean really! But seriously, the good news is, the pilot made a controlled emergency landing into the Hudson river, which resulted in everyone getting out alive and with only minor injuries. In fact, most of the cases the hospitals are dealing with are cases of mild hypothermia, from standing in the frigid water of the Hudson until water taxis and rescue boats got to them. There were some fractures, but nothing major. So it's a wonderful, uplifting story about a pilot being able to control a plane after an emergency and everyone getting out safely--with the pilot even going through the plane twice while it was floating in the water to make sure everyone was out. You would think that's enough of a story, wouldn't you? 

Not for our intrepid news media. I've never seen so many people try to make a story where no-one died into a harrowing tale of life or death. Thanks to 24 hour news, a story that would probably only run for about five, ten, maybe fifteen minutes under other circumstances (especially considering no-one official had been able to make it out to the site where the plane was slowly sinking to do any investigating) was drawn out ad nauseum by networks trying to wring every last ounce of tension, pathos and tension out of it. We had to listen to the idiots at MSNBC talking in tense tones about what COULD have happened had the pilot tried to head to another airport, or if he hadn't made the landing the right way, or if the passengers had panicked. You know, all that stuff THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. It's ridiculous. And watching the guy from the NTSB giving a news conference telling the reporters who would be the person in charge of the investigation once everyone from the BTSB got on site, and then being asked to answer questions as he was trying to leave so that the team who would be doing the investigation and getting the answers to the questions the people wanted to ask could get going. Why ask the man questions he doesn't have answers to since NO-ONE has any answers? They, at that moment, know just as much as you do, you idiots. Once the do the investigation, THEN they have answers. Anything before that is speculation or regurgitated old info. There has been no greater detriment to the quality of US news than 24 hour news channels.

Anyway he good news is everyone in the Hudson River is alright. Unless, of course, you're a member of PETA and are really pissed that jet hit those poor defenseless geese. But if you are a member of PETA (and for some strange reason reading this) just console yourself with the knowledge that those are a few less geese for Chicago to turn into fois gras....

Stupid PETA.