Curses, Foiled Again!

Gentle readers, I have sad news. This is the kind of news that really should be accompanied by weeping strings...or in this case, crying steel guitars. I am here in Dallas, TX, and had high hopes that the one true goal I had for this tour would finally come to fruition. I mean, here, of all places, it should be possible--nay, damn near inevitable--to get my ass up on a mechanical bull. I mean, hell, if Texas didn't invent the damn things, they certainly were the ones to raise them to legendary status. And we are staying near Gilley's in Dallas, an establishment so thoroughly ensconced in the urban cowboy ethos that for them not to have a mechanical bull is as unthinkable as the GOP working in a bipartian way with the new administration. More unthinkable, actually. And we discovered that yes, indeed, Gilley's has a mechanical bull. And according to their website, they are open on Wednesday nights, so it seems the universe has come together to allow me to experience this particular...experience. (Leave me alone, it's almost 1 a.m.)

So we head on over to Gilley's, which is in what appears to be a compound of entertainment venues. In attempting to find the door that actually leads to Gilley's (instead of one of the other five clubs) we are approached by a doorman and told that Gilley's is closed. We inform him of the fact their website refutes his claim. He nods understandingly and then informs us that while that may be the case, on this particular Wednesday, they are closed for a private function. And there you have it, gentle readers. I had no idea that renting out places with mechanical bulls was such a party trend in this, the 21st century. It appears the only way I'm getting my ass on a mechanical bull is to throw a private party. It is now apparent that the universe, far from coming together to aid me in my quest, has taken on the role of antagonist and is determined to thwart me at every turn. This would cause some people to reconsider their commitment to the idea of riding the mechanical bull. Those people are what I call cowards. I refuse to be held back by something as minor as the universe. I have sworn to ride a mechanical bull before this tour is over, and ride one I shall. We are heading to Little Rock, AK tomorrow after our show, and I have every confidence that there are enough crazy rednecks in Arkansas to support a mechanical bull industry. So stay tuned, gentle readers,there may be news yet of me flying through the smoke-filled, sawdust-besotted air of a southern bar. Fingers crossed!

Today's show as very rough. We performed at Louisiana State University--Shreveport, and their facility was very attractive on the inside, but tiny. So tiny that most of the cases and carts had to sit outside during the show, and even then there really wasn't enough room in what passed for wings for our stuff to coexist peacefully with us. We were constantly walking all over each other, tripping over cables and props and costumes--many of which were hung on ladders so they were up and out of the way since flat surfaces were at a premium. I am damn sick and tired of shit like this, to tell you the truth. I am tired of trying to cram a five-piece bedroom set into a studio apartment. Just because your set fits into a certain space (and by fits, I mean BARELY) doesn't mean that your show does. But that's tour, at least according to Levitt, who of course was all pissy and angry about how the whole thing was working out. But if any of us said anything, we'd get the "That's just what you have to deal with and just do it. It is what it is" attitude. It didn't help that half our temp crew didn't show up until 9:30 when load-in started at 7:30, or that the guy in charge of the venue wasn't there when we showed up. But somehow we got everything up and ready to go a little early, so we were able to sit in our tiny, very hot dressing rooms and relax, or at least attempt to.

The show itself went well. We didn't have many kids, but they at least had a pulse. They seemed to be into it. It's very hard for me to tell. But they applauded through the whole curtain call, so that's a plus. Tomorrow we have over 700 kids coming, so I trust that'll be pretty cool. Once we get back to PA this weekend, we actually go back to doing private performances for the next week or so. Not every day, but here and there throughout. I can't wait. I'm tellin' ya. I don't care about the money, but if I were ever to think about doing this again, I would never do the spring tour. I find it weird that they don't offer any other shows besides Encore and Classics, and they barely offer Classics. I don't understand how schools can keep bringing them back every single year when they always do the same thing. I mean, how many times can kids see the same stories? There's so many great works of literature, you're telling me they can't come up with a few of them and put together a show that seems a bit more apt for the spring? But what the hell do I know? They're too busy attempting to write their math show, I'm sure. Yeah, that won't turn out to be a huge nasty mistake. But at least I still enjoy the show itself. I just wish we were performing it in better places. I have no confidence in the space tomorrow, since I have been told on more than one occasion by Josh last year that most, if not all, of the venues in Texas suck. I can't wait. I seriously do not want to do another tour until it's the type where I sit my ass on a bus and am taken to the venue, where I walk in to find that other people have been there to set everything up and I walk into my dressing room and start getting ready instead of putting together a set in hot humid weather in a theatre where the concept of air conditioning is apparently one they can't wrap their minds around. Ah, the concept of actually getting to be an actor. Nice work if you can get it, I hear.

Okay, enough bitching. After the show tomorrow we start driving, and we spend Friday and Saturday all day driving our collective rumps back to PA. Which is fine since for those days (save tomorrow) Levitt and I will be in separate vehicles. Some people have suggested that I dislike Levitt even more than I disliked the Parkway Twins from the last tour. I  don't think that's entirely accurate, but if it IS, I have to say the only reason is because she holds a position of power and authority and I find stupid in authority more annoying than blue collar stupid. But I still my antipathy for the Parkway Twins was greater because it was very hard to stay away from them even offstage, whereas it's easy to keep away from Levitt once we get to the hotels. And while I do have to deal with her at the theaters themselves, once the show starts, I don't have to be there onstage with her. And regardless of whatever else she has done, she has NOT broken the truck. 

So there you have it, gentle readers, a day of cramped spaces and thwarted desires. Thank goodness my campaign is still going strong. Pond in 2012--No Bull!