Step Lively

Today was HARD. I'm just going to get that out of the way right now. I want you all to know that right off the bat so that you are not taken by surprise when the vitriol starts flowing. I know how hard it is to get vitriol off your shoes once you've inadvertently stepped in it, so consider this a courtesy. But today was NOT easy breezy cover girl. I don't even know why i typed that--that's how hard a day it was today.

We had a load in that started half an hour earlier than usual, even though the show was at the usual start time of 10:30. That right there just screams pain in the ass load-in situation. And it did not disappoint. This venue was brand-new. No-one had ever performed here before us, so we had no idea what the setup was. So when we arrived this morning, I discovered that the loading dock (and I use that term in a way far more loose than say, a 60 year-old hooker) is little more than a porch on the side of the building. A porch you got to by going up about five stairs. A porch with a big column right in the middle of it, right between two sets of double doors. And thanks to the pillar, and all the trees surrounding the (HA!) dock, and the fact that the stairs had decorative walls on either side of them which were higher than the level of the dock, it was impossible to just pull the truck up to the dock and drop the ramp. Instead I had to do something with the truck that resembled a cross between ballet and open-heart surgery. That resulted in the ramp being at an extreme angle onto the dock, all the way into the corner furthest away from the doors we actually were able to go in, and THAT resulted in us having to take everything down the ramp, then maneuver it past the pillar to get it to the doors. Which wouldn't have been that big a deal if it hadn't been for the fact that once you got TO the doors, you realized that in order to get to the stage, you had to go back DOWN a flight of stairs. A steep flight of stairs. And yes, just in case you're wondering, there was no other way to get to the stage. It was the stairs or nothing. This, of course, meant that in order to keep from killing ourselves (or anyone else) we had to keep all the large boxes either on the truck or outside on the dock and unload them there, taking the individual pieces inside. It also meant that all the (unnecessarily heavy) doors and the (EXTREMELY heavy and unwieldy) doorframe had to be taken off their cart and carried into the theatre one at a time. As well as the platforms. Oh yeah, it was going to be a huge pain in the...well, everything. 

What did save us was the fact that we had a crew--a temp crew. Usually this equals more trouble than its worth since temp crews consist of people who don't work in theatre for a living. This means that they're usually more underfoot than not and more of a hindrance than a help. But we lucked out like you wouldn't believe because all the temps were laborers, and a couple of them used to be movers. Hallelujah! So we were able to get everything off the truck without a) taking too much time, b) anyone getting hurt, and c) Schneider or I having to be the ones hauling the huge heavy shit down the stairs. That of course is the most important. The hilarious thing is that usually you have trouble getting temp crews moving, but this one we could hardly keep them from taking things right out of our hands as we were carrying them. That sounds like a wonderful problem to have, except they LITERALLY would take things out of our hands while we were carrying them. On the ramp. Mostly from the girls, who, for the most part, have tenuous grasp of most of the equipment, so they could use the help but since the grasp is that tenuous, having it suddenly ripped from you could end up being more dangerous than grasping tenuously. But they were enthusiastic, so what the heck. And like I said--nobody got hurt. 

The space itself wasn't a problem--plenty of room and a beautiful house, so the show itself actually ran pretty well. EXCEPT for the fact that 120 kids ended up coming in late--like the middle of Sleepy Hollow late, which split Flo's attention between her duties as house manager to get everyone in and her duties as sound board operator to get the sound cues into the (ridiculously sound cue-heavy) Sleepy Hollow. And EXCEPT for the fact that the doors for Frog got put into the frame backwards AND the tie line that keep them closed for travel was not untied, so I had to quickly do that as the story was starting, and then one of the doors (which had been broken before and "fixed" by cold welding) came right off its hinges as I came through it. Yep. But the kids really liked it and really got into it, so the show itself felt fine. And load out, while terrifying in its potential for death, ended up going as smoothly as could be expected. Thankfully, even though the whole thing was one stress-filled experience after another, we all got through it with good humor. Well, kind of good humor. Apparently during the load-out Flo was moving a box and bumped into a door. I mentioned to her (since she is kind of on the clumsy side) "that's a door. You can't walk through them." She just looked at me and (I found out later) wanted to punch me. She had a hard day. But she didn't, so I still stand by my statement that it was done with good humor. Bad humor would've gotten me hit. (as it has done so often in my life)

ANd then came the drive. I drove the truck from Richmond, VA to Raleigh, NC with Levitt in the truck with me. Oh yeah, you know that was fun. Actually, it wasn't that bad, because it was silent. Apparently Levitt doesn't want to talk to me, save to give me directions. And that's fine with me. The three hours flew by. Tomorrow's venue is supposed to be the diametric opposite of today's, so I'm looking forward to that. I've also taken on quite a daunting writing task on this tour. I have several ideas for shows and/or stories, and so I have picked five and am simultaneously writing them all. One of them is kind of a cheat, since it's technically a rewrite of a play I have already written, but it is going to be a pretty extensive rewrite, so I feel justified in including it in this notice. And one of the things is a story, which I have not written in quite a while, choosing instead to write scripts. The projects are as follows:

Points On The Curve: The rewrite of a previously written play. Misogynist goes on blind date with uber-shy girl with issues with men. Hilarity ensues.

Midnight at the Lost and Found: Denizens of a local dive bar attempt to better their lives and the lives of those around them sometime during happy hour. Hilarity ensues.

Dead Flowers: (This is the story) Aging has-been rock star mulls his existence while drinking and shooting up in his hotel room. Hilarity ensues.

Facets--A Crisis in Three Acts: Woman is abducted, tortured, protected and perhaps saved by a man with Dissociative Identity Disorder. 3 times the hilarity ensues.

Tour De Farce: A one man show about touring with kid's theatre. Stories from my work in Chicago AND this tour will be used. NO HILARITY ENSUES.....but a truck does give up its life....

So wish me luck, gentle readers. I have decided to try to get at least one, if not more of these things finished by the time the tour is over. I may abandon it all in a week and return to watching episode after episode of House, but for now, I am determined! Onward and upward! Tally-ho! (Which is, of course, what a pimp does once every ten years....) And remember--Pond in 2012--All Hos Tallied!