And the winner is--

Happy Oscar night! I hope you are all having a wonderful time watching the awards. I understand they tried a whole new format this time. Instead of a monologue by a comedian, they opened with an actor (Hugh Jackman) doing a musical number talking about the nominees. That's amazing! It's revolutionary! It's--exactly what Billy Crystal did for years, until everyone was talking about how predictable that became, so maybe we should have a monologue! And apparently they have the intros if the nominees done by earlier winners of the same award, giving personal reminiscences or tidbits about the nominee. Great, so now I get to sit through a four-hour long episode of the View. That'll get the ratings up! Did it not occur to anyone that the reason the ratings were down last year was because no-one was even sure the things were going to go on thanks to the writers' strike, the economy was in the shitter, and thanks to that the interest in the general public in listening to over-blinged celebrities yammer on with Joan "I look like a Muppet" Rivers about their designer clothes was at an all-time low. I remember when they were convinced that if they got rid of the dance numbers (choreographed by Debbie Allen, she of Fame fame) the show would cease to be three days long and people would watch it. Then they decided the real problem was letting the people who won awards actually talk, so they instituted the "kick them off the stage by playing loudly over them" policy, convinced that would shorten the program and people would watch in droves. What they seem to not understand is that the problem with the Oscars is that there are 3,997,446 awards and every single acceptance speech, thanks to the time limit is a hurried and stammering list of people that must be thanked, making them all sound exactly the same. Oh, and let's not forget the fact that whoever writes the banter for the show needs to be shot in the head. Repeatedly. These are professional actors and even THEY can't make that shit funny. So either hire new writers or just have people come out, read a list of nominees and give the time that you normally wasted with brainless chatter to the recipients so they can actually make a speech worth listening to. Do away with all the bullshit and go back to being an awards show. Make the show about the awards and the people who win them, not the people who present them or the clothes those people wear. The Oscars do not need a four hour preshow. It's not the Super Bowl, for god's sake. Show the people walking in, have the awards awarded in a manner befitting the reputation the Oscars USED to have (rather than the one they have now, which is the precursor to the biggest drunken debauch this side of Fatty Arbuckle's apartment) and give the recipients the respect they deserve by treating the night as if it's actually ABOUT them. The only moment in any Oscar presentation I've watched that is handled with any smattering of decorum every year is the death filmstrip. There are highlights, of course, and some people do manage to eke out something worth listening to before the strings sweep in, but by and large, it's like most American TV--a lot of fake, manufactured drama and tension which gets in the way of any REAL drama or tension or interest that might be lying around. So please, for the love of all that' holy, just hand out the damn things....

Can you tell I drove 500 miles today? It actually wasn't that bad. I mean, i was driving out of Georgia and down to Naples, FL. That's the definition of flat. Only way to get more flat is to drive through Indiana. That's so flat it's concave. (Which, contrary to popular belief is not a hideout for people in jail...nor is convex when you annoy  the aforementioned jailbirds. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.) But the lovely part is that we are now out of winter! Yep, that's right. It's WARM. Take THAT, northeast! It's wonderful to realize that i will not need any sort of jacket tomorrow when I load in. Ahhhhhh....it's times like this that I ask myself, "why did I ever leave?" I very quickly remind myself of the myriad of reasons, three of which are June, July, and August. Oh, and the annoying people. And the lack of work. And the bugs. But other than that.... We do two shows tomorrow in the same venue--a middle school. I shudder to think what the space is going to be like, since the word "cafetorium" has been used. Please, for the love of whatever deity you may hold dear, stop making "multi-purpose" rooms. They serve none of the purposes you purport in any way that is even close to adequate. I foresee many things getting cut tomorrow, unless for some reason the space is enormous because this is the only middle school in a 50 mile radius. Which in southwest Florida is alway a possibility. The fun part is immediately after the two shows, we load out and drive to Sarasota. I am repeating to myself, "It will be okay..." So please keep your fingers crossed, gentle readers, and send good thoughts that whatever else may happen tomorrow, there will be no staircases.

Heath Ledger just won Best Supporting Overdose. (sigh)