New Hampshire...

...continues to surprise. Today (a day off!!!) the group hit the mall (which was slightly larger than the one in Auburn, MA) and discovered that thee are more things in Portsmouth that stay open past 8 than just the English Pub. They have a karaoke venue (which we shall hit Sunday night) and a bowling alley (which we decided to attend this evening). They were running a Valentine's Day special for couples, so Flo, Alice, Schneider, and myself broke up into faux couples to get a discount. I'll leave it to you to figure out how we split up.

What is so surprising about Portsmouth, New Hampshire--other than the fact that their mall is filled with white guys dressed like gangstas and tractors (yes, you read that right--tractors. Apparently, while most malls display cars, NH malls display farm equipment. Perfect for when you need your ersatz rap star son to plow the back forty)--is how things you wouldn't expect to find in either this country or this century seem to be the norm. Par exemplum: the Coat of Arms has a snooker table. Now, I guess that's not too out there for an English Pub, but I've been in a lot of pubs in this country and I haven't seen a snooker table anywhere except (get this) a Dave and Buster's. So that was quite interesting. They even had the rules for snooker on the back of their menu. (Bless them) If that wasn't odd enough, when we got to the bowling alley tonight, we discovered that their idea of rock n bowl was candlepins. For those of you not familiar with the game (like me, for instance) candlepins is played with ten pins which are straight, rather than...well, bowling pin shaped. The ball is also far smaller than a typical bowling ball, being roughly the size of a small grapefruit. Or an orange who plays for the Yankees. (Take THAT A-Rod) You also throw three balls in a row before you score. They have strikes and spares, though let me tell you, getting a strike is nigh on impossible (not completely impossible, since I did it--thank you, thank you...) because the space between the pins is larger than with normal pins, and the ball is smaller, so you don't get the explosiveness you get with regular bowling. And the ball has no holes, so it's a little harder to control. And this isn't something this alley decided to do for a lark just this weekend or something--their equipment is only set up to handle candlepins. AND they are the only bowling alley in the area. So what we have here is the only option within a reasonable distance offering a game that was in vogue around the time of the Revolutionary War. Combined with finding a snooker table, it suggests to me that New Hampshire, and Portsmouth in general, is firmly entrenched in the 18th century. Which also explains why it's so easy to get liquor around here. 

The addition of the karaoke venue which has quite possibly the greatest selection of songs I've ever seen (they have them up on their website) does put a crimp in my theory, unless you take into consideration the fact that it was highly likely colonists got together in pubs over a snooker table after a rousing match of candlepins and sang off-key for the enjoyment of equally inebriated audience members. I'd be surprised to find that WASN'T the case. And I'm even sure that once the level of intoxication got high enough, someone had to write out the lyrics and point to them to assist the drunken revelers in keeping up with the rhythm to some extent. See? And you thought the Japanese invented it. As with all great innovations, the Americans made it, the Japanese just made it digital. So there!

Lunch at the pub tomorrow. Those scotch eggs aren't going to eat themselves. And what is sure to be a scintillating tale of New England karaoke. I hope they hand out powdered wigs. I'd hate to look like a tourist....