Curiouser and Curiouser

Not much new to report, save for the fact that I have discovered yet another new place in Portsmouth to eat. Yesterday's breakfast/lunch was had at a nice little café, the most unique feature of which was our waitress, who when she noticed my IL driver's license, asked me if I lived near Chicago. When I mentioned I had, she then asked me what it was like to live near the ghetto. Apparently and those of you living in Chicago may want to know this--anywhere near the city it's a veritable war zone. When she asked if I was packing heat (I'm not making this up) I told her I often carry a lot of Icy Hot with me, just in case. SHE TOOK ME SERIOUSLY and laughingly told Flo and Levitt (with whom I was eating) that I didn't understand ghetto lingo, but she did because she was (are you ready for this?) FROM MAINE. I was shocked and horrified. I mean, how could NH let someone from those mean streets serve unsuspecting, upstanding family people? I continued to play with her, suggesting that I was out on work release from an institution, and Levitt was my doctor and Flo my muscle. She was quite amusing in a "I can't believe this is happening" kind of way, and I did tip her well. I can afford it--I mean with all my bitches and network of pushers bringing in the big bucks.

Today I was planning on going back to the Coat of Arms Pub for lunch, only to discover once we got there that it doesn't open until 4 on weekdays. Oy. So I discovered a new place--the Friendly Toast. If the dive last night was the place where all the thuggy wannabes and the redneck congregate, then the Friendly Toast is where all the emo wannabe NYU film students hang out. The place is forcibly eclectic. Not to mention a tad disturbing. The entire place looks like a senile antique dealer threw up. Their specials board was in a frame decorated with pin-up playing cards and dice. Then, inexplicably, there were two cutouts of 10 year old girls in what looked like old nighties. Japanese cigarette and beer postes from the 60's adorned the wall. Thankfully, I studied Japanese in college so i was able to translate the poster of the happy couple offering each other a cigarette. Roughly translated it said, "After Hiroshima, how much damage could THESE do?" (That is a very rough translation. And by rough, I mean incorrect...) Their bar was decorated in covers from old time sex novels, like Sin Camp, and Lust Carnival! Everywhere you looked, your eyes were being yelled at. LOOK AT US! AREN'T WE HIP AND EDGY??? WE'RE SO ECLECTIC!!!! GIVE IN TO THE IRONY OF KITSCH! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! ( I did like the Superman pogo stick. Though it had to be about three times the size of any small child...) The food was good, though, if a little heavy on the black beans and veggies and a little light on meat. I ordered the one thing on the menu that wasn't some sort of weird vegetarian thing. It was an omelette with sausage, bacon, and ham in it along with jalapeno jack cheese and Swiss.  And some sort of weird pecans. Don't ask me why they put pecans in it. I'm sure it's something kitschily ironic I'm too square to understand. But that's about all I did. Which is fine, because we've got enough going on this upcoming week. We drive to PA tomorrow after our show. Well, halfway there, then the rest of the way on Wednesday (no show). All I can say is that everything about Portsmouth is a little off-kilter. I mean, restaurants that don't open til 4 when so much else closes at 8, candlepin bowling, bars with no whiskey and microwave burgers, and breakfast places staffed by gang chicks from Maine. To tell the truth, I'm looking forward to the sanity of New Orleans....