Happy St. Patty's early!

Greetings, gentle readers, from the land of the hungover! That's not completely true. Not many people got toasted last night, but the ones who did, did it enough for us all. We drove from CT to Annapolis MD, where we did a quick turnaround to make ourselves look a little LESS like we had just driven for five hours and got back INTO the van to drive to Flo's uncle's house, where we were greeted by a huge number of people. The Irish side of her family truly is Irish--big, numerous, and loud. We were immediately at ease. We were also immediately taken to the alcohol and the FOOD. Dear lord, the FOOD. I honestly don't think I will ever be hungry again. Aside from the fried chicken, the ham, the potato salad, the deviled eggs, the seafood chowder AND seafood gumbo, bread, chips, pretzels, various salads the origin of which I did not know, there was also some of the greatest corned beef I have ever had. it was amazing. Oh, and then thee was a table piled high with desserts that you would expect to see in a restaurant. We fell to noshing as only actors on tour and a budget can. I'm not sure, but I believe they may have been a little afeared of us as we swept through their kitchen like locusts. And there was a great amount of alcohol as well, be it beer, wine or liquor. And we fell to that as well. Especially Alice. That girl is a serious drinker. After the first five minutes, I don't think I saw her for the rest of the night without a cup of Jameson's in her hand. Suffice it to say, by the time we finally left, around 9:30, drunk was not really the word to use for her. Stinking sort of approached it. When we got back to the hotel, she paused to empty her stomach in the parking lot. Thankfully she waited til then, and didn't do it back at the house. If only I had been so lucky last tour....

The party was very enjoyable. The place was filled with small children, so I had someone to talk to. I was attacked by a cadre of well-armed toddlers who were intent on invading the basement rec room and making it safe for humankind against the giant aliens I represented. I responded as any good alien would and attempted to eat their brains. There was a dart board, a pool table and a foosball table, so I was in heaven. I kicked some ass at the pool table in between my cerebral culinary activities, and even attempted to throw some darts for the first time in way too many years. I also had a lovely time talking with Flo's family. At least I assume they were all Flo's family. They could've been just people who wandered in off the street, drawn by the lure of free booze and food. (Worked for us) One of her cousins demanded that I give her my shirt--a T-shirt which read, When Irish Eyes Are Smiling, They're Usually Up to Something--in return for hers, which read, Everybody Loves an Irish girl. I tried to point out to her that while I did appreciate the sentiment of her shirt, I doubted it would work as well on me. She then offered me one of her husband's shirts, which said, Get Lucky. I accepted, but since her husband wasn't there, I would have to wait until she came to see our show in Virginia later in the month. I cracked Flo's grandma up when I said that I was looking forward to giving her my shirt and getting lucky in a month. I love grandmas with a sense of humor. I later had a very intense conversation with a four year old as he was eating a brownie the size of his face. WHile I marveled at the size of the brownie, he said, very seriously and with great determination, "I am going to eat it all." And he did, watching to make sure I didn't make a move anywhere near it. At that moment I was accosted by another four year old who wanted me to hand him a cookie. I asked him if he was allowed to have a cookie, to which he replied, "Ben has one." (The young man with the face-sized brownie.) I said that Ben had asked someone for it, and was there perhaps any figure of authority we could appeal to on his behalf? His response? "Nah." So I gave him the cookie. Hey, remember--it's always easier to ask forgiveness than permission. As soon as he had the cookie, I said, "You don't know me, we've never had this conversation. " He asks, "who are you?" I say, "Exactly." It's good when a plan comes together.

That was pretty much the evening. We poured Alice into the van and took her home. This morning, at the ripe time of 9 a.m. we headed into the van to drive down to RIchmond, VA. Well, they did. Flo and I drove in the van, and took our time, stopping at a Bob Evan's so we could make up for the fact that the free breakfast at our hotel sucked large amounts of lousy. So now we are ensconced in an Extended Stay America, which means no breakfast tomorrow, which means grocery shopping tonight. But at least I get to do my laundry for free, since I'm doing the cast's. The most important thing was that everyone had a good time last night, and despite Alice's attempts to win the I'm-the-loudest-drunk-you've-ever-seen award, Flo's family seemed happy for us to be there. And I know I was happy to be there, because anytime I get enough free food and booze to make me feel like there's no way I could possibly drink or eat another thing, then I know I have found the greatness America was built on. So remember--Pond in 2012--Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of a Free Buffet.