Why Actors piss me off

So all manner of things have been happening, gentle readers, the sheer number of which have kept me from updating you to them, but I shall now, since I'm hanging out in my favorite Chicago coffee shop killing time, let you all in on what's been happening. First off, I was fortunate enough t be called back for Man of La Mancha, my earlier fear of the theatre being stuffy and sanctimonious about a hand puppet audition being completely unfounded. In fact, they are planning on using a hand puppet in the show, so I am more brilliant than I knew. (Oh, happy accidents) That is why I am presently doing such a murderous number on time right now. I have until 8 this evening to find some way to amuse myself. I had an audition this afternoon for a kid's theatre here in the city and I see no reason to tramp all the ay back to the suburbs and then slog all the way back in. I also had an audition yesterday for something called (and I'm not making this up) "The Great American Nudie Spectacular". It's a sketch comedy show supposedly tweaking the American habit of being offended by nudity but having no problem with violence. What's more terrifying than me actually going to audition for something like this is that they, inexplicably, CAST me. For those of you quaking in your boots, worry not. From what I've read, the nudity appears to be of the feminine variety. And if there IS any male nudity I'm sure they've been smart enough to cast someone young, in shape, and TAN. (The latter being probably the MOST important) So we start rehearsals this Tuesday, which, naturally, is a problem for me because I've crammed my life full of stuff to do and attempts to get work. But they seem to be cool with the conflicts, so all is well. And it only runs for the summer, so that doesn't mess up any of the other stuff I want to do. And it gets me out of the house, which is important, because otherwise I may just sink roots into the couch.

The other stuff that's been going on is that i have been able (being unemployed) to see a bunch of shows in the area. That's a nice change of pace, since I'm usually not able to see shows, even ones my friends are in. Well, now I've seen a number of productions, and all I can say is, why the hell am I still unemployed? The worst offender, and the reason behind the title of this post, was a production of Measure for Measure that I saw a couple of nights ago, directed by a dear friend of mine, and which, had I not been away on tour, she wanted me to be in. Let me say this right now--I have nothing bad to say about the direction of the show. Her vision for it was lovely, and for the most part, it was actually a really enjoyable show, thanks in a large part to the supporting cast, and one or two main characters who did not fall under the disease of which I am about to rant. There were a couple of performances which fell WAY short of any level of professional theatre I would like to see. The sad part is that one of them was the major plum role in the show, which went to a grand high muckety muck of both the theatre which was putting on the show and the theatre which was allowing them to use the space. This was a casting choice my friend was not allowed to challenge, nor did she have any say in it. And this putz was BAD. I mean like "who told you you should try this for a living?" bad. He had all the energy of a com patient, and when he id the scene where he told the novitiate nun that if she slept with him he'd spare her brother's life, there was about as much desire in the scene as in a Republican mixer. There were other performances which were lackluster as well, but he was the most egregious example. And when I talked to my friend, I found out that apparently, these people had decided that there was no reason to listen to the director since thy had all one it in college prior to this, and they knew everything. And for whatever reason, they decided the show didn't require their complete effort or attention, so they just don't try. Which is really sad because there are other actors in this show who ARE trying and who obviously Do want to be doing the show and put their heart and soul into it. Those are the people who help make the show work as much as it does. 

This pisses me off to no end. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that when i left college, I was a cocky son of a bitch as well, and I also thought that I knew way more than I actually did. But at no time, even in my most egotistical, did I ever disregard a director, or give up on a show and not give it my all regardless of how good or bad it was. And personally, I think that any actor who can't be bothered to put the requisite amount of energy into a performance needs to get their ass the hell off the stage out of the theatre, and become a freaking accountant. I am so tired of people who can't be bothered to do the very thing that they supposedly love to do. It's idiots like this that give all artists a bad name, and I wish thy would all just go back to living in their parents' basements and flipping burgers because they are taking jobs (or in this case, forcibly stealing jobs) from others who would be overjoyed to have a role in a show and would actually put some of themselves into it. Acting, or any other artistic pursuit, should be something you do because you love it and can't really imagine what else you COULD do and be happy. It should not be something you do because you just don't want to have to get a real job and act like an adult. You want to waste time and not have to work hard, become a Wal-Mart greeter and get out of my way.  The arts in this country have an anemic enough reception without slugs like these assholes holding it under with uninspired and listless performances until it gasps its last. And understand I am not talking about a level of talent here. The guy I'm talking about could be the most talented yahoo on the planet. ANd I've seen actually quite good performances given by some people who had middling talent but really gave themselves over to the play and gave it their all. What I'm talking about here is the fact this tool wasn't even TRYING. Their was no attempt. It was so phoned in, I could hear the dial tone. If he was untalented and at least trying, I would bemoan the fact that a bureaucrat forced a production to give him a role he wasn't suited for, but I wouldn't be so incensed. At least an untalented guy TRIES. This was an insult to the audience and the director and the production because it implied that none of those three deserved his effort. And that pisses me off. Because I love this business, and I break my ass trying to make it in this business, and I think that the time spent on stage is quite possibly some of the best time  spend in my life, and I really wish I didn't have to deal with lame pricks like this that undermine all of that. 

But hey, all else is going well, and trust me, gentle readers, should I have to drop my pant in the Great American Nudie Spectacular, you can rest assured, I shall be giving it my all.....Pond in 2012--He'll Make Sure You Take It All....