The days are a little boring, to be honest, when one is unemployed. Unless, of course, you try to get unemployment. I know it's supposed to be a beautiful thing, and many people depend on it. I know we depend on it right now, since both my wife AND I are unemployed. Thank goodness she had a real job, or else we'd have no money whatsoever. Apparently the unemployment office looks at your last 18 months of work. That's lovely, especially considering that half of that time I've been working for Chamber, so I was making solid, steady income sure to result in a boo-coo weekly award from the state. Even dealing with trying to call MA unemployment and being told that I have to deal with IL and have IL deal with MA for me didn't tamp down my optimism. That should have been my first clue that everything was going to go to hell. Anytime I keep resolutely optimistic in the face of bureaucracy, it's for sure that I shall have that optimism thrown back in my face like a drink from a pissed-off girlfriend. So I go onto the IL unemployment website, which itself takes forever to deal with because since it's a government website, it has to be completely user-UNfriendly and impossible to actually place what really happens into its very narrow set of criteria. But I manage to get it to work, or so I thought. Then I sat back and waited for the letter telling me just how much cash I was going to be getting. $112/wk. Yep, gentle readers, you gently read that right. Apparently, they only processed my work with Noble Fool, whih ended the end of March, and Hunter Douglas, which ended the middle of May LAST YEAR. The stuff from MA was nowhere to be found. Understandably, I was upset. But, undeterred, I soldiered on, calling the IL unemployment office, and having the following conversation:
Underpaid toady: "Hello?"
Me: "Hi, I opened a claim online and it seems you guys missed one of my employers, and I was wondering--
Braindead patsy: "Social security number."
Me: (gives it to him. What, you expect me to type it here? I don't have Lifelock....)
Irritating putz: (keyboard clicks) "Yes, you have a claim."
Me: "I know, but you see, they left off one of my employers."
Clueless ass-muncher: "Why is that important?"
Me: "Because I worked for them for the last nine moths and I figure that might affect how much unemployment I get."
Lobotomized monkey: "Yeah, I guess that would. Well, if you want to add an employer you need to come down here and do it."
Me: "I can't do it over the phone?"
Useless twat: "Nope."
End of conversation.
Feeling less optimistic, but refusing to give into complete hopelessness YET, I head on down there with my earnings (which I had to hunt for since, surprisingly, I don't keep nine months worth of check stubs lying around the house) where a very helpful yet slightly befuddled older African American gentleman helps me fill out the forms for adding out of state income. He tells me you're not allowed to file out of state income online (a fact which appears NOWHERE on their website) AND that while they go back 18 months, they only count the first 12 of those months in determining your award. This led me to two conclusions. A) Everything I had earned from January-May was useless as far as these idiots were concerned, and B) It was time to give into despair. Could someone PLEASE tell me why in the name of anything ANYONE finds holy you would go back 18 months but only count 12? What is the point of that? Why not just say you're going back to the previous year? What's the point of making it sound like those last 6 months have anything to do with anything? Suffice it to say, I am annoyed. Since, thanks to that, and to my foolishly allowing them to take taxes out of my unemployment (really? We're taxing this shit as well? My amazement at this may seem odd to anyone out there with real jobs, but I don't try to get unemployment very often--as in never) I am making just under $200/week. Whoo-hoo. Have I mentioned I hate bureaucracy?
So that, in a word, sucks. But things are looking up, I have multiple auditions for multiple jobs. I had a couple good ones last night, one a season general where I broke out my mad bass playing skillz. (Yes, that's skillz with a z, like Liza. I am just THAT good) and one for a touring kid's theatre, and by turing, I mean locally. I am, however, going to try to get into NY on the 30th to audition for the national non-Eq tour of Wizard of Oz. This is run by the same company that does the tour of Drowsy Chaperone, so I figure any kissing up I can do would be a good thing. Tonight, I have an audition for a production of Man of La Mancha where the casting is apparently going to be gender, age, and ethnicity-blind. I plan on trying out for Aldonza. I'm hoping this isn't the case, but most of the time when I go to audition for theatres that claim to cast like this, they turn out to be pretentious idiots who cast against one of those types just so everyone will talk about how daring their production is, and most of the time, the production is either nothing special or it's just plain bad, proving that sometimes it's a good idea to cast a guy in a guy's role. Just saying. But they for some reason want to see my puppeteering skills on display tonight, so I plan on turning my hand into a cute little character and duetting with it on "Rainbow Connection." And I'm sorry, anyone who is casting Man of La Mancha without regard to gender, age or ethnicity and who ASKS to see puppet skills at an audition has no leg to stand on if they get all up in arms about a relatively silly audition. That's my story, and I'm taking with me to the unemployment line--which will more than likely disregard it and send me home with less than i showed up with. So which way to welfare? Pond in 2012--Your Welfare is His Concern, and His Welfare Better Show Up Before Rent is Due.
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