To all my peeps in the ATL

Don't I sound hip? Anywho, here we are in Alpharetta, GA, just to the north of Atlanta. Drove almost 600 miles yesterday, and save from having some difficulty with getting fuel at a truck stop due to issues with the company card, not much happened of note. Levitt and I were in the truck, and we experienced something I haven't seen, much less had, for awhile. The KFC buffet. In Alachua, FL (which, perhaps NOT surprisingly for anyone who knows me from that state, is a town I HAD been to before) has a KFC with buffet right off of I-75. Now, considering the size of the buffet (miniscule) and the selections (limited) the price of $6.99 may seem out of line, especially if you take into account the fact the drink is extra, BUT you must remember, grasshoppers, not to be taken in by the side dishes. Stick with the chicken. Then, like me, you can get five pieces of chicken out of them for the price of a two-piece meal. HA! Take that, Colonel Sanders, you freak! A word of warning, though--stay away from the BBQ chicken in the buffet. It sits out and the BBQ sauce honestly hardens into an industrial-strength epoxy. I kid you not-I actually had trouble releasing the piece of chicken from my fingers. I'm thinking of using it in place of spirit gum for the show--lord knows it smells better. The guy who waited on us was a jovial bloke with a heavy (I believe) Haitian accent and an obvious desire to talk to anybody who happened to walk through the door. He warned me to stay clear of Levitt since she obviously had dangerous Chinese fingers (her injured finger is in a splint) and asked me if I would like whiskey with my lunch. When I answered in the affirmative, he said sadly, "Only on Saturdays." This of course means I need to get my ass back to Alachua on Saturday. WHo's up for a road trip?

The evening here in Alpharetta was quite enjoyable. It was Carol's birthday last night, so the whole group trotted out (at 10:15--it is NOT easy to get these people moving) to a local sports bar with Mardi Gras specials. Before I go any further--Happy Ash Wednesday to all the people out there who like to besmudge themselves! And a happy start of Lent to you all. Here's to 40 days of doing without something you like in order to bribe jesus into loving you. I, as in all years, am giving up self-denial for Lent. I know the whole thing is very Biblical, but remember--the Bible has been misinterpreted for centuries. Did you know that new evidence has come out that the concept of the Host, so central to Catholicism, is actually the result of a mistranslation? I shit you not, gentle readers. Apparently, at the Last Supper, instead of saying, as is widely believed, "Take this and eat of it . It is my body" (Or whatever, I'm paraphrasing because let's face it, that whole concept is creepy) Jesus actually had just turned to Judas and said "Eat me!" See? So it's very possible that the whole idea of Lent is a mistake as well. Maybe you're just supposed to let someone borrow something for 40 days and get it back with interest. Or perhaps it's completely messed up and the real idea was to remove all the little fabric fuzzies from you and try to stay LINT-free for 40 days. That makes sense to me, seeing as many of the Biblical strictures were health-based. So for Lent this year, embrace the concept of misinterpretation, and give up blindly following the herd. Go ahead, have a burger on Friday in a church. If anyone complains, tell them to show you where on a list of fruits vegetables, grains and dairy you can find FISH. You can't, because it's MEAT. 

Anyway, back to Carol's birthday. The place was not too full, so there was ample space for the eight of us. (Yes, only Carol's birthday could get the entire group out at the same time) Alcohol was imbibed, fried food was ingested, I lost a game of pool to Alice (she didn't beat me, I accidentally sank the eight ball prematurely--make of that what you will) and beat Ted at a game of pool, so I broke even for the night. Carol had drinks purchased for her throughout the night, and Levitt won her a couple of stuffed animals out of a claw machine. Well, she won one animal, the other was just hanging out in the pickup compartment. Apparently someone was so drunk they had forgotten to retrieve it after winning it. Those are the kinds of drunk people you like. Both Carol and I showed off our Michael Jackson moves to both Beat It and Thriller, and Bob made all of us feel just a tad uncomfortable grinding up against Carol, though we did get some lovely pictures of her shocked and laughing reaction. I have no idea if any of these pictures will ever see the light of day. One of these days I have to buy a disposable camera and take my own blackmail photos. Though it's a pain because then you have to find a place to develop them on a tour schedule, and that's just something I know I would forget. The guest bartender at the place (which I believe is code for drunk friend of the real bartender who was allowed to step behind the bar just long enough to pick up more beer money in tips) befriended us (We did, after all, have four women with us) and offered to take us to a strip club. FOR THE RECORD (listening, honey???) it was NOT my idea. Alice and Schneider are gonzo to hit a strip club SOMEWHERE on this tour. So drunken guest bartender, who is named Mike but for purposes of this story and because he was wearing far too much gold I shall call Vinnie, proceeded to get on his phone and not only reserve us a table at the Pink Pony in Atlanta (I am not making that up) but he also decided to try to get us a limo. Thankfully for all involved (well, those of us sane enough to realize just how bad of an idea this was turning out to be) he was too drunk or too ineffectual to actually procure a vehicle, and whilst he stumbled off for a moment, we hightailed it outta there. Though I firmly believe that at least four of our cast would've gone had the limo shown up.

Today will be interesting--we are staying in an Extended Stay hotel, which basically means we have a kitchenette. That is lovely, except for the fact THAT means we have no free breakfast. We do have coffee in the room, so I now have enough energy to go in search of food. But everything costs extra here. It's like since they give you all the comforts of home, you have to do just as much work as if you WERE home. Hell, even the internet costs a one-time fee to get the passcode. And we're only here for two nights. If we were here for a week, i could understand going to the trouble of booking a hotel like this. Spring must be getting a discount or something. Anyway, there are stores and even an entire mall nearby, so I'm sure I will find some way to kill an entire day here. Or maybe I'll go into Atlanta. I'm sure that won't be difficult. I just go out, make aright onto Peachtree lane, then drive to Peachtree Court, then a left on Peachtree Ave...wait, or was that a right on Peachtree Circle? Maybe it was pass Peachtree Blvd to Peachtree.....oh hell, I think I'll just watch TV.