Truth in auditioning

Hello all! I know it's been a while since I posted, but to be honest, I haven't been doing a whole hell of a lot this week. Just trying to get back into the swing of not having to do a tour. It's been amazing, getting up at 9 every morning. Usually by then I'd be sitting down for my first cup of tour-made coffee backstage at whatever place we happened to be, having just finished placing all pertinent props and costume pieces. It feels like that was forever ago, and at this time last week I was boarding a bus out of Boston. Time is a strange thing gentle readers, a strange thing indeed. And just to prove that children's theatre is exactly like the Mafia (or would be exactly like the Mafia were the Mafia to exist. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh) yesterday I received an email from Chamber telling me how much Spring and Pat wanted me back this fall and could I please reconsider my decision not to do the fall tour. They were hoping that once I had spent some time at home, I would feel able to come back and do the fall tour. My response is--how bad do they think my home life is? "I know he told us no, but hey, once he has to hang around his house for a few weeks, he'll be BEGGING to get back on the road!" Weird. Of course, one of the main reasons is that Spring apparently had her heart set on me originating one of the roles in the math show. Yeah, THERE'S an incentive to go back. I'm convinced that they realize how bad the show is, and instead of rewriting it so it doesn't suck, they want to try to get people who can turn shit into lemonade. The one nice thing is that I know for a fact that if I went back to do it, I would be working with Alice again, so at least there'd be a friendly face. So being the political wunderkind that I am, I told them I;d give it a week and think it over, careful to express how much I enjoyed working for them (on balance, I did) and how I would be willing to work for them again (I would) but I had to balance personal obligations and local career moves against it. I promised to get back to them quickly so that they wouldn't be left without a cast. That's when it got funny. About an hour later I got an email back from them thanking me for my swift reply and telling me that I didn't have to rush my decision and to take the time I needed to make sure I was REALLY SURE. If they got to a point they needed to cast, they'd contact me. I'm wondering if I can get a Broadway role out of Ms. Sirkin. I think it's time to get all Priceline negotiator on her ass....

So last night I went to audition for a production of Henry V. An OUTDOOR production of Henry V. That shows just how desperate for work I really am. Oh, did I mention it'll run in AUGUST? Oy. But I went because Henry V is a great show, I don't have a bunch of Shakespeare on my resumé, and I also don't have a lot of experience auditioning for it. Plus it'd be nice to get a show for the summer. Well, once I got there, I was hit by the fact that they don't pay. They put it right out there on their little sign on the door of the audition room. Now this in and of itself doesn't bother me. Lots of theatre in Chicago doesn't pay. Hell, lots of theatre in the country doesn't pay. (don't pay? That's a weird sentence.) To be honest, some of the theatre that does pay doesn't pay. (How's that for Zen?) But here's the thing (and for those of you who are sticklers for well-researched fact, I just checked this, so I know I'm right) they didn't put that anywhere in their audition notice. They went to great lengths to tell me when the performance dates were, where the performances were, the age range of people they were looking for, when the rehearsals were, everything. They just neglected to mention that we'd be doing this gratis. I HATE that. Please, if you run a theatre company out there, put that information in your audition notice. We need to know that. Yes, you may lose out on seeing some people who won't audition for places that don't pay, but trust me, you're not getting those people to work for you even if they do come out under false circumstances. To me, that's like a For Rent sign that neglects to put the rent on it. I mean, what's the point? If I can't afford the rent, I'm not going to come look at the apartment, and if they don't pay me, I'm not going to work for them. This is the ost important info you can put in an audition notice. I need to know this before I call you to come in. I don't need to know a number, just that there is or isn't pay. Period. 

All that having been said, I went ahead and auditioned for them anyway, mostly because I was already there, and, as I've said, I haven't had a lot of experience auditioning for Shakespeare, so I figured the practice would be good. They seemed to like me. If they want me, I might do the show, since I plan on spending the summer living off of unemployment anyway, so it wouldn't be hurting my ability to make money. But this is a very rare and special case, and in now way mitigates my anger at the for not disclosing this fact beforehand. And since I am auditioning for a bunch of stuff that pays, they are at the back of the line. Tell the truth, people, and deal with the consequences. That's all I'm asking. Jeez, i seriously need to start a theatre that doesn't screw around with people. Where the hell are the venture capitalists when I need them?? Pond in 2012--He Can Handle the Truth--Can You?

Home again, home again....

Well, jiggety jig, gentle readers, I have returned! It's true, I am finally back in Chicago for to stay, at least until such time as my wife realizes living with me is a lot more difficult than living without me. So I got a few weeks. But seriously, it is very nice to be back, and amazingly, it wasn't quite as hellish as I had expected getting here. 

Our last show was, to put it mildly, a letdown. First of all, it was a private performance, so we had to load into a middle school; a middle school, mind you, that was having a class meet in the auditorium at the same time we were supposed to load in. The show was scheduled to start at 12:30, and we were supposed to start loading in at 9:30, since they were going to feed us prior to the show. Well, according to the administration, we might have had to wait until 10:45 to start loading in, since the class was going to go on for awhile, or they were holding more than one class, or they were a bunch of morons. I never did get the final tally on which it was. But thankfully our school contact was a woman of fortitude, determination, and advanced pregnancy. I figure she walked in, told the principal what she wanted, and threatened to go into labor. I know if I was faced with a woman whose water could break at any second, I'd do anything I could to make sure she stayed calm. So we started a little late, but got to unloading. Oh, did I happen to mention that the temperature this fine day was around 600 degrees? Okay, okay, it wasn't that bad, but it was already in the upper 70's and it wasn't even 10:30 yet, and there was no breeze at all, so load-in was a nasty, sweaty affair. We kind of had crew, which was helpful, but they weren't exactly the buffest of the buff, so that slowed things down a little. Everyone was kind of dragging anyway, since this was the last show, and there were a lot of mixed emotions among the cast. Add to that the fact that we were all just plain old exhausted, and it made for an interesting set up. But we got it, and actually had enough time to go eat without rushing, which is always nice. I was actually looking forward to the last show, despite the fact our dressing rooms were orchestra practice rooms. The last few shows have all gone over really well, and I was looking forward to ending a tour which had been relatively full of high points on a high.

What a shame. The kids just did not seem into what we were doing at all. They got a little interested about halfway through the second act, but for the most part, they were a pretty unresponsive audience, which is NOT the way you want to close out a tour. But as disappointing as that was, I can say that I think we did some really great shows all the way up to the end of the tour. I didn't notice any of us losing energy to any great degree, and despite many of our jokes to the contrary, nobody phoned it in. I think that the group I went out with in spring turned in some very high quality performances, and we also managed to end the tour still liking each other. I will miss my cast, no question. I'm just sorry that Steph, Michael and Josh couldn't have experienced the kind of cast bonding I did on this tour, because I think that would've been a blast. We then loaded out in even hotter weather, which made me want to stab myself in the head, and then headed from Shrewsbury to Boston, where we had to drop off a bunch of stuff before heading to our last hotel. Everybody headed for the hills once we reached the hotel, which was a Best Western in Quincy, right on the water. The only people left were Flo, Bob, and myself. We had a lovely dinner at the pub in the hotel, and then Flo and I polished off a bottle of Jameson in celebration of making it through the tour. All in all, a good way to end.

The next day, I bid a fond and sad adieu to both Bob and Flo and boarded a Greyhound (yes, a Greyhound) bound for Chicago. Greyhounds have come a long way, baby. This one had power outlets and wifi. And leg room! I was amazed. The trip from Boston to Cleveland (yes, Cleveland) was surprisingly smooth and un-annoying, and  spent most of it watching episodes of TV shows I had missed while on tour that Marta had recorded to DVD and sent to me earlier. We had several short layovers to change drivers on the way, which allowed me the opportunity to stretch my legs and marvel at the fact that for the most part, bus stations were still places you don't want to hang out unless absolutely necessary. Then we hit Cleveland (if only!) and I changed buses. That's when I discovered the old Greyhound I had grown to know and avoid. The first bus I had ridden on was technically a Peter Pan bus. (Yeah, I know, it fits just a little too well considering my incredible immaturity, refusal to act in any kind of adult way, and ability to fly) Once I transferred to an actual Greyhound, gone were the outlets, the wifi and the leg room. And since I was doing this transfer at 3:30 in the morning, I wasn't in the best of moods about it. It also didn't help that our driver had all the personality of Tonya Harding during her period. But, all in all, the trip wasn't so bad. I don't ever want to go cross-country on a bus again anytime soon, but I said that back in 1994, and as far as I'm concerned, 15 years was too soon. Maybe the train next time.

So here I am, back home, and already trying to find work. Had an audition and everything today that didn't completely suck. It's a little strange to be back, when I consider I've been touring basically non-stop since last August. I am glad I did the tours, and I enjoyed the experience. I also made friends that I know I'll keep for a very long time, if not forever (i don't like to assume things like that, since I know how I wear on people) and I am very thankful for that. It's also kind of rewarding to know that you can do something like that for an extended period of time and not get beat down by it. Still, I'm looking forward to doing some local theatre where I don't have to build the set every day. I'll keep the blog going, and hopefully there'll be things happening that are post-worthy. of not, I'll just ramble. (Think of that, and fear me, gentle readers!) And remember, vote Pond in 2012--Leave the Driving to Him!

It's all coming back to me now...

Greetings, gentle readers! Today I am in Shrewsbury, MA, ready for my last show of the Chamber Theatre Spring 2009 tour. It's been a hell of a few days, which is why I haven't been online posting, but let me give you a quick recap. Wednesday, we performed in Allentown, PA at the Symphony Center, which is a wonderful space with a crew who really could, I believe, run our show without us there. The show was a little odd, though, as the pacing seemed off. I ascribe that to the fact that 1) Carol is in a lot of pain due to what we have since discovered is sciatica, and 2) a few people were speeding through parts of the show since we had a long drive AND another unloading of the truck to look forward to that evening. But the kids seemed to like the show. And thankfully both the load in and the load out went as smoothly as a baby's ass.....before diaper rash, that is. We then headed out to try to make it from Allentown, PA to Long Island, NY by 5:30. We left the theatre at 1:30. We stopped for lunch (I was in the van) at 2, and left lunch by 2:30. We then proceeded to drive what seemed like six and a half years. It took us a total of 4.5 hours to get to Long Island and the school where we had to unload. At least two of those hours were spent getting through Manhattan. Have I mentioned to anyone how much I HATE NY? It took an excrutiatingly long time to get there. I know it's the city that never sleeps and everything, but could it take a catnap every once in a while? Just while I'm trying to get somewhere? Maybe? The people I really felt sorry for were the people at the middle school who had been told by the office that we would be there by 5:30.  Stupid, stupid office people. We rolled in at 7, and those sweet people not only didn't complain, they had pizza for us. We were helped by their drama teacher and a small crew of middle school theatre girls (and one lone, "I'm mathematically guaranteed to find a girlfriend here due to lack of competition" boy) who were super enthusiastic, even though they had been waiting around doing nothing for 90 minutes. We got the whole thing unloaded, set up and damn near ready to go in a little over an hour, and were back on the road to our hotel, which had (I may have to give up atheism) A HOT TUB! That WORKED! So the day ended very well, and I retired, happy, less sore than before, and almost ready to get up at the butt crack of dawn to do an 8:30 show.

Thursday started out well. We were close enough to the school that we didn't have to leave the hotel until just after 7 for a 7:30 arrival, so it wasn't too bad. We got everything set and ready to go and even though we were forced to use staff bathrooms as dressing rooms, the lack of having to unload the truck and set up in the morning kept us all very mellow. That and the fact the school allowed us to pilfer their coffee. Belgian chocolate, thank you very much. Our crew from the other day came to see the show, and were given front row seats. Our audience consisted of nothing but 8th graders, and if any of you out there have ever performed for eighth graders all by themselves, then you know what a hostile crowd they can be, especially first thing in the morning. But the kids were really into it, and had a great time. It was very heartening to have gone through so damn much work to get that particular performance up and running and then have it so appreciated. We broke down, loaded up, and then got to eat lunch, and were sat in the cafeteria, where some of us were able to eat with a few of the crew members. I always enjoy that, because I think (well, I know) that the kids get a kick out of it, and I have to admit, so do I. I like talking to kids who are so enthusiastic about something that I do for a living and which, quite frankly (and I think we can all agree on this) we professionals tend to get very jaded about. And I don't know about you, but I never get tired of being told how awesome I am. Im telling ya--if middle schoolers could vote, this Presidential bid I'm discussing could be real....

I then drove the truck with Flo from Long Island to Shrewsbury, MA, which was another long ass drive, but thankfully uneventful. We were surprised and delighted to discover than yes, somehow the theatre gods had smiled on us and while this Courtyard by Marriott does not have free breakfast, it DID have...A HOT TUB! ANd quite possibly the best hot tub ever. It was both nice and toasty, but also, the jets alongside the tub were tilted upwards, so the water shot up the back wall. Why is this so cool, you ask? Well, allow me to elucidate. When the jets are pointed in that way, the water actually shoots up your back and massages things like your shoulders. You know, the places that need it. When the jets are adjusted to shoot straight into the tub (as they usually are) AND since they are usually situated right at seat level, what you get (if you're a guy) is the uncomfortable and embarrassing occurrence of having the jet blow the water straight into your trunks. ANd if you wear baggy trunks and not speedos (And let's all breathe a sigh of relief and appreciation that I do NOT wear speedos) your trunks have a tendency to then inflate like a hot air balloon, causing you to either look like your entire crotch area is swelling up with elephantitis, or to suddenly have that air escape, making all and sundry think you just farted a 21 gun salute into the hot tub. So thank you, Courtyard by Marriott, thank you for keeping that from happening. You are aces in my book, which of course, I'm sure you care about.

So that is the recap, gentle readers. I shall try to blog tonight before my Greyhound excursion tomorrow morning, but I make no promises. What I do promise i that this blog shall not disappear once I return to Chicago. There's plenty of silly and stupid for me to rail against, and how often does crazy shit NOT happen in a theatre career? So rest assured (or beat your head against a wall in despair) I shall continue to post. After all, I still have a little over 2 years before the election, so I have to campaign HARD! Vote for Pond in 2012--A Hard man for a Hard job....

With all due respect to Billy Joel,

Allentown sucks. Well, that's a bit harsh. But it definitely lives up (or down) to the song, that's for sure. It's kind of depressing. We got in this afternoon after performing in Lakewood, NJ, a city notable for its plentiful population of Hassidic Jews and Mexicans. (The Jews were Hassidic, not the Mexicans) We performed today at the Strand Theatre in lakewood, and the audience was fantastic. The crew, on the other hand, was not. They weren't horrible, either. They were just kind of....lumpy. Or perhaps bumpy, as in on a log. Either way, they were kind of there. But the space was beautiful, and the kids were really into it. We got a girl in the audience to gasp, "Oh my God" at a door creak in Tell Tale, so they were pulled in nice and early. I can only hope that the rest of the week goes as well as the first part of it has. The show on Monday in Philadelphia was also incredible. Another group of kids that were so into the show it really felt like we could do no wrong. It's wonderful to be able to go out on a high like this. Makes it really more of a shame that we're ending early, since the show our audiences are seeing is worth the time to come see. But spring's always tough to get bookings in. I figure the fall tours will fare better.

So here we are in Allentown, PA. Like I said, depressing, but it does contain a great cheap diner. Nick's Diner has really good food for hardly any money. I got an omelette with peppers, cheese, sausage, and potatoes in it for $4. And coffee for under a buck. God bless Allentown. That definitely made me less depressed. :-) After the show tomorrow, we drive into New York (god help us) in order to do a private performance on Thursday. The problem? The show on Thursday STARTS at 8:30. Yes, you read that right. STARTS at 8:30. What the hell are these people doing to us? So this means that we have to load up the truck after tomorrow's show, drive to NY, then UNLOAD and set up at the venue tomorrow night. Oy. What a long ass day that's going to be. It's days like that which make me glad the tour's almost over.  Anyway, that's about all there is to talk about. I leave Saturday morning at 12:05 (well, afternoon, I guess) on Greyhound for Chicago from Boston, and I'll be back in Chicago Sunday. So anyone back in Chicago that wants to hang out and catch up, let me know. We can hang out and have a few drinks or whatever. I know you're all busy, and I wouldn't want to impose, but please remember, I do have Cabinet positions to fill....

Counting down...

Hello, gentle readers, from this, the last week of tour! A week from today I will be back in IL, safely ensconced in my cocoon of unemployment. The trip back to Chicago will be, I;m sure, extremely blogworthy, considering I'm Greyhounding it, but I will save that for another day. The last few days have been pretty interesting, so let's try to get caught up, shall we?

Friday we were in Detroit, ad as many of you remember, I was dreading the load-in since I assumed we were performing at the same space we had performed at last tour. Well, it turned out I was mistaken. We performed instead at a MAsonic Temple building that had two different stages in it. We were i the smaller of the two spaces, which was still pretty large, and very pretty. At least as far as the house went. The stage and loading situation actually turned out to be more horrific than what I had prepared myself for. Somehow, this space failed to clear the incredibly low bar we, the Chamber cast, have set fo load-in expectations. The loading doors were in an alley that we were not allowed to block, meaning we either had to pul the truck incredibly close to the building, risking the top of it underneath a fire escape or face the other way and unload on an incline that tipped the truck both forward and to the side at an extreme angle. We chose risking the top. Next, we discovered a freight elevator. Yep, the loading doors led to the space directly underneath the stage, so everything had to be loaded and lifted. That wasn't so bad, lord knows we've done it before, but this freight elevator wasn't all that big, so platforms had to be removed from the cart and loaded one at a time into the elevator. nd the doors as well had to be removed from their cart since the doorframe was too big to fit in the elevator. And what did that mean, gentle readers? Why, that the doorframe had to be lifted up through a trap door in the stage. Yep, heaved straight up into the air and pulled up through a hole in the floor by unfortunate people onstage. Add to this a crew cut from the cloth of the worst type of union crew--the type that knows how to do everything better than you, ha been doing everything better than you since the primordial ooze slithered up on shore, and is in no way, shape, or form going to listen to you tell them how to do the job you've been doing every day for the past four months. I am absolutely shocked no-one died. This is what happens when the day before one of your actors utters the name of the Scottish play onstage. Take heed, young actors, take heed.

The show itself went awesome on Friday. The kids were really into it, and we ended the week on a high note. Load out was the even more frustrating, nearly fatal cousin of load-in, but we got everything out and into the truck without bloodshed, so at least we managed to lightly step over our newly lowered bar. Flo and I drove the truck to beautiful Streetsboro, OH that night without incident. The same could not be said for the van. Apparently Ted, who has repeatedly told everyone (including Levitt, who makes the driving schedules) that long drives in the afternoon are difficult for him because he has a tendency to get very sleepy after a show, and has in fact had two car accidents because he has fallen asleep behind the wheel, fell asleep during the 4.5 hour drive and was awakened in the nick of time by Bob, who yelled his name loud enough to wake him. He managed to swerve the van enough to only plow through a plastic barrel you see near construction sites. Everyone was alright, and the damage to the van was minimal--a loose headlight housing which is being held together as we speak by white gaff tape. Ted felt horrible about the whole thing, and hasn't really gotten over it yet. I know you have to have a lot of people drive since you only have four people who can drive the truck, but there have been multiple instances of Ted dozing while driving in the afternoon, so it amazes me that isn't taken into account when coming up with the schedule. But regardless, thankfully everyone was okay. Ted drove the first half of the way to Philly yesterday because Carol didn't want to have to drive the whole 7 hours herself, and Ted is more awake in the mornings than anyone who does this job has the right to be. So we arrived in Philly yesterday, and immediately decided we were going to go to this gay bar (for Bobs sake) that he told us had piano karaoke, We planned the whole thing for a few days actually, since this is he last weekend the group can go out together before the tour is over. It wasn't going to be the whole group since Kato is in town, meaning Levitt was busy getting busy elsewhere, which was fine with all of us. So around 9 last night we all get together, save for Ted who is still feeling like crap partly because of the accident and partly because, like all guys, he can't help himself from Facebook stalking old girlfriends that broke his heart. We men really have to stop doing that. I think we do it because of the competitive nature we all have. It's not that we still care that much about them, it's that we don't like seeing ourselves gotten over in an amount of time that we feel is too short. And so, even if we are over HER, the fact she is over US is still a problem, unless it's been a hell of a long time. Especially if we left HER. Then she is supposed to pine for us for a good number of years. It's really just good manners.

But I digress. We piled into the van, needing to stop somewhere for the girls to get something to eat before we went, and then finding out that Bob was planning on going somewhere other than we were because he had completely forgotten he had mentioned the gay piano bar place, and when reminded, told us he didn't actually know if it did that on Saturdays or not. Thankfully our events coordinator, Flo, had checked out some backup places for us, so we drove ito downtown Philly to drop Bob at the #1 see and be seen gay bar in Philadelphia, then headed back out of downtown to go to the karaoke bar we had decided on from Flo's choices. So this night was already feeling like I was driving around a van of toddlers relatively incapable of making any kind of informed decision. Then when we were about two-thirds of the way there, Carol's boyfriend called, telling her he was in Philly to surprise her. Downtown Philly. So, instead of giving him directions to the place we were going, we ended up going back to downtown Philly, driving around forever to find a place to park, then parking in a public lot which ended up costing me $22 when I left. (Oversize vehicle charge I hadn't noticed when we pulled in.) On top of that, we did NOT do karaoke, ended up spending too long at a too-expensive irish pub, then watching Alice and Schneider get into an argument because she wanted us all to go to the gay bar Bob was at so we could dance, and Schneider, upon seeing the meat market merchandise standing in line to get in, decided it was not somewhere he really wanted to be, especially since all he really wanted to do was drink. And I had to agree with him. Bob was there for one reason--to try to pick someone up. He didn't need us showing up and cramping his style. BUT he's too polite to say so, so he was waiting for us. Luckily, we were able to let him know that wasn't happening and he seemed fine. This was the time that Flo and I decided what we really wanted to do was leave, since they still wanted to wander all over Philly, and to be honest, the fun had gone out of the evening the minute we turned around to go back to downtown. It is a little frustrating when everyone says they want to do this one thing, and then that thing gets planned, and then the plans get thrown out the window at a moment's notice. So there you have it, gentle readers, one week before the tour ends, and we have our first (and last) lousy night out. Luckily, it didn't end with anyone yelling or getting pissy. We just left the people who wanted to party to party, safe in the knowledge that Carol's boyfriend would drive them back to the hotel. I think it also didn't help we had driven 7 hours. But anyway, that was the weekend. Tomorrow starts the last week of the tour, at the end of which I will be riding a Greyhound back to Chicago. Yep. A greyhound. The bus, mind you, not the anorexic dog. Well, at least thanks to that, I can say that I have finally done a bus and truck tour....

I've never heard him say a word against Akron

Greetings, gentle readers! I am presently in Detroit, having traveled here from Akron, Ohio, where we performed this morning. The show this morning actually went beautifully. We performed at Cuyahoga Falls High School, which has a theatre in it that seats 1800 kids. It's a beautiful space, and we had a crew that consisted of theatre students and a couple of temps. We ended up having to unload in the rain, which presented some problems for us, since the ramp got nice and wet, and Schneider's shoes lacked something I like to call traction. There's nothing like watching a guy get yanked down a ramp on his ass by a road case full of lighting cables.  Despite that life-threatening wake-up call, we managed to get the truck unloaded without any injuries, and finished setting up an hour and a half prior to the show, so plenty of time to relax and hang out. The show itself was really good, even though we were performing for a lot of high schoolers, who have a tendency to be a little cooler toward the show than the middle schoolers. But they loved us, and the load out was as easy as the load in was difficult and deadly. The rain had stopped and it had gotten nice and sunny and warm. The drive to Detroit (shudder) was easy and uneventful, so all in all, its a nice way to end the day. Tomorrow we are to play at a Scottish Rite, which always sounds to me more like an event than a building. We played this Scottish Rite last tour and all I remember about it is waiting for someone to actually show up to unlock the doors and tell us where we could load in. Suffice it to say, I am NOT looking forward to performing in Detroit tomorrow. 

As we get to the end of the tour, I have to look back on this whole thing, spanning both tours, since they all seem to blend together and I've had no more than a couple of weeks between the two. It's been a hell of a year, traveling all over the east coast and south doing this show. The physicality of the show, the intensity of it, and the nonstop nature of the tour. I've got a hell of a lot of memories, whether it's the merry-go-round of cast members from last tour, shutting down the dance floor of Bar Bar in Savannah this tour ("Go white boy, go white boy!"), standing in a hotel hallway a few weeks ago, hearing a man in a nearby hotel room talking very loudly to someone about having sex with them ("I'm gonna mark that ass, boy!") to hearing some OTHER people having sex in the next room in Milwaukee last tour (or as I like to call it, the beginning of the end....) wandering around lost in Charlotte, NC, convinced that the hotel was just around the next corner, last tour's cast rallying around Stephanie, determined that she would not be fired, staring with awe and terror at both Ollegra and J Blue, and of course, losing the top of the truck. The swings between the highs and lows of this job are staggering, but I think a tour like this is something every actor should do at least twice. Once when they're in their twenties, early in their career, and again after they've been working for a while and have more experience and more knowledge of the business. I think it's also useful to do a job where you are likely to be surrounded by people significantly younger than you, for a couple of reasons. If you play it right, you have an audience to take in some of that experience and knowledge you've accumulated. But you have to not act like you're a freaking sage with all the answers. Just be willing to let people know what you've learned. But don't act like you're testing them. That's the best way to keep people from listening to you. But the most important reason for doing something like this once you've advanced to certain ages, is that you can get infused with the enthusiasm that younger actors who haven't accumulated the experience you have can bring to a job because they also haven't accumulated the cynicism that many of us get in this business. This has been rather long-winded and the upshot is I think that doing the tour wasn't a mistake, even the second time. I really have enjoyed the experience, even the first time. (For different reasons, and I will admit not as much as this time, but I DID have a good time the first time, and met some really wonderful people in that cast) There's also a certain sense of accomplishment you get when you complete one of these tours. A lot of people, when they start a tour for the first time, have a tendency to focus on the road trip aspect to it, and they miss the fact that all that traveling is a) tiring and b) work. They also don't realize that for the most part, you don't have the time or the energy to see the places you perform, other than the area around the hotel and the venue itself. I love traveling, and I wish that we did more multi-day performances so that we got a chance to experience the places we went. That's the biggest disadvantage I see in the way they book. Of course, our amusement is not the worry of the company. You also learn stuff about yourself when you do a tour like this. I've learned that while I don't mind the traveling and the living on the road, staying in a different hotel every night, I have a problem with the fact that (with this theatre at least) some attention to doing things in a way that might promote a more efficient and less cumbersome way of touring are ignored in favor of just making sure the bookings are there, regardless of how appropriate the space is. And they have a tendency to hire stupid people. Not all tours are like this, and most theatres are non-profit as opposed to FOR profit, so they may do things differently. So all in all, I like touring, I'd just like to do it with a theatre company that's a little less bass-ackward.

Anyway, that's all that's fit to type here tonight. We are in the home stretch, and I am going to miss these people, watching Bob slowly rise from the back seat of the van on long drives with his coat over his head, emerging with a confused look on his face, as if asking, "Are we still driving, and why am I here?", Alice running off school grounds as quickly as possible after a private performance so she can smoke, Carol coming close to breaking the sound barrier when she drives the van, exploring the varied coffee establishments with Flo, Schneider's relaxed leprechaun smile when he gets drunk, and arguing with Ted about...well, anything we can come up with, much to the chagrin of EVERYONE else. I will not miss Levitt, who will, by the way, be spending this coming weekend with Kato, whose tour has now ended. That means the cast will have a whole two days without having to deal with her, and maybe she'll be in a better, more focused mood when she gets back. And that is as far as I want to consider what's going to happen this weekend....(shudder times two) Anyway, that's it for tonight--wish me luck tomorrow! We're in Detroit, we'll need it. (Especially since Ted apparently said the name of the Scottish Play today on stage as we were breaking down, trying to help a student deal with memorizing it. He did not break the curse, so there's every likelihood that this post may be my last. So vote for Pond in 2012, if only posthumously! Pond--Because it's Time for the Undead...

Shufflin' off this mortal tour

Or at the very least, off to Buffalo. Yep, here I am, in beautiful Buffalo, NY, right near the airport, ready to amaze the Buffalo kids tomorrow. Hopefully we'll amaze them more than we amazed the kids in Pittsburgh this morning. We performed at a place called Shady Side Academy, a posh high school which looks more like a small liberal arts college, and apparently is the funnel from which flows future Ivy Leaguers. All in all, the kind of place that makes my skin crawl. However, they have an absolutely amazing theatre space, so I can dis them too much. No crew or ushers, but an amazing theatre space. And the kids we brought in did perk up during Sleepy and became more and more attentive as the show went on. I did find out they were a mix of both middle and high school students, and high schoolers are usually less responsive anyway, so I believe they ended up enjoying the show even if they weren't as boisterous in their enjoyment as some. I am having a lot of fun as the tour winds down with the show, not that I didn't earlier. I think maybe because the show's almost over, and I'm not coming back in the fall, I'm focusing more on enjoying it than I was earlier, when I was focused more on making sure I was getting it right. I am feeling more comfortable in the role in Tell Tale (finally--and naturally with only a few weeks left) so that's a load off my mind, freeing me up to have a better time. I will miss this show, even though it drives me crazy sometimes. I've been doing it for almost a year now, which is a difficult concept for me to get my head around. It doesn't feel like that long, while at the same time it feels as if I've been doing this show since I graduated college. But it is a fun show to do. And a challenge, which is always welcome. It's exactly the kind of show I like to do--one where I get to play a number of different characters with a wide and varying range. And as difficult the whole thing has been, both in rehearsals and the tour itself, I appreciate the experience and what I have gotten out of it. It was something i had never really done, not for this long, and I am happy I went ahead and did it. And I'm glad in a way that Chamber is so nuts about how they present the show since that was also a challenge. I'm far more used to dealing with theatres that let me have a far more fee hand when it comes to characterization, so to be hamstrung in as many ways as I was by chamber was a good exercise. But I am looking forward to getting back to Chicago and getting my career back on the road I was trying to go down when I decided to take some time off and do the tour. Hopefully I can do that without too much trouble. I mean hell, there's got to be ONE agent in Chicago who needs to add a goofy redhead to their stable, right? RIGHT???? 

So tonight's rant is about something I heard about from my parents back when we were in Milwaukee. There's a story going on in that town dealing with a 23 year old or so teacher who died tragically. It appears this guy was at a bar when some yahoo started harassing some woman outside. He stepped in to protect her, and the guy who was harassing her hit him, knocking him down and causing him to hit his head, which in turn caused him to die. Now, that's tragic enough, but that's not the point of the story. That happened this past February. Well, in April, the landlord/management company of the teacher's apartment sent a letter to the guy's parents, demanding storage fees for the property of his that had stayed in the apartment for two months while the parents grieved, along with back rent for those two months AND (and this is the part that kills me) a penalty fee for (and please, allow me to quote...) "early termination of lease." Yes, you read that right. Apparently death is equal to running out on your lease. And what's even MORE heinous about this situation is that the management company is completely within its legal rights. WHAT?? Excuse me? You're telling me that the death of a tenant is legally akin to breaking the lease? That's ridiculous! I could accept the fact that since the guy's property stayed in the apartment for two months they are looking for the other fees and the rent, but early termination of lease? When a guy breaks a lease, that is a conscious decision, and an action they take voluntarily. This guy died. And since it wasn't suicide, it was NOT a voluntary act, nor one he made consciously. Therefore, the two things are NOT the same. To treat them as similar is to be blind to simple logic and the specific details of any case. It's to be somewhat expected since they aren't dealing with an actual landlord but rather a corporation, but even in a faceless corporation there's SOMEONE who has to write these stupid ass letters and who should be able to take the extra few minutes to actually read the details of the situation and realize that sending that letter makes the company look like a bunch of money-grubbing heartless assholes. Which they more than likely are, but usually money-grubbing heartless assholes are more protective of their image. And while I at first did understand them seeking the storage and rent fees, I then found out that at no point PRIOR to this letter did the management company try to get in touch with the family. Basic decency requires that you at least give the people notice that if they do leave the property in the apartment after the paid-for remainder of February is over they will incur a fee and be expected to pay for another month's rent. But they never did, so as far as I'm concerned, they are SOL. If you don't let people know what the consequences of their actions will be, you cannot  benefit from those consequences. What amazes me even more is that there are people defending these management companies who pull this crap. The argument they use is that the company is within their legal rights. I am not disputing that fact. What i am saying is that the concept that this could be legal is insane, and even if they ARE within their legal rights, simple human decency, compassion and common sense should have stepped in and kept the company from doing something like this. Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD do it. I am sickened by the idea that these people would be willing to take these parents to court in order to get this money. And there are people who actually wonder why the economy is in the crapper when this kid of thing happens. It's just another example of how things have been so skewed to protecting the corporation in this country and allowing them to make ridiculous, unfair, and unethical rules to play by, then looking amazed when they take advantage of people. How anyone can listen to something like this and not think that the thing that government should be doing is making sure all industries are strictly regulated to protect the consumers, and not the corporations. And this wouldn't get in the way of competition. Everyone is allowed to do what they can to do better than their competitors, they just can't be unethical about it.  How may more stories do we have to hear about people being taken advantage of by companies to the great profit of the company and the great detriment of the consumer before we say enough is enough and actually support getting federal regulations in place for every industry? Why are we still having the discussion as to whether regulation is a) a good idea or b) needed? It's obviously needed since the lack of it got us to this point, and it is a good idea if for no other reason than there hasn't been any OTHER idea floated that is better than it. Get off your asses, America, and get behind this idea and try to make it work. That way, if it doesn't, no-one can point to stupid political infighting as the reason. That way the idea lives or dies on its own merits, the way it SHOULD be. So vote for Pond in 2012--He'll Keep the Country Regular!

You wanna go where....

...penguins play hockey, baby!!! To hell with everyone knowing your name--we want to be where it takes an hour to get a burger! That's right, gentle readers, we are back in Pittsburgh! Back in the same hotel with the same little bar attached to it with the same crappy service. But actors are a lazy lot, so instead of go out looking for a place you could be served with something kin to actual service, Flo, Alice, Schneider and I opted instead to stay in the building and eat at the place where everybody forgets your order. But, Yuengling is only $2 a glass,so how bad can it really be?

Our show this morning in Towson absolutely rocked. The college we performed at (Goucher College) has a great space with a fantastic crew. These guys had Bubba (The headless horseman for you newcomers. Where the hell have you been?) bagged and ready to go at intermission! The fireflies and Candelabras were put away before I got out of the dressing room after the show. It was incredible. And the kids went crazy. We were packed again, and the response was overwhelming. These kids really enjoyed the hell out of themselves, and it was a lot of fun to do the show. It's funny, because even though I've been on the road virtually nonstop with this production since August, it's days like this that part of me will miss the show, because I will admit, when it's clicking, the kids really do get pulled into it. There are way more things about it I won't miss, but the actual show, despite some of its overdetailed, presentational bullshit, is a lot of fun to do. But one must move on if one is to finally do a show where one doesn't have to be a stagehand on top of everything else one is responsible for. (And when I say "one" I mean me, newcomers...seriously, this is like coming into a movie two thirds of the way through. I hope you've gone through the archives...) After the show we drove to Pittsburgh, as earlier indicated. The drive was fine--just long. Tomorrow we head for Buffalo, NY. Oy. Really, what more can you say about Buffalo?

So the subject I want to discuss tonight, very briefly, since I can't imagine there's a whole lot of argument for the other side, is people who for whatever reason wish to be stupid. Or at least SOUND it. Case in point, our hotel in Milford, CT. Saturday morning, as we were partaking in substandard breakfast, the two women behind the front desk were talking, and they were doing so as if Ebonics was their mother tongue. Now here's what I mean by wishing to sound stupid. These two women were throwing around language that really, I haven't heard outside a bad episode of Living Single, which is bad enough, but only one of them was black. Now before everyone gets all up in arms, no, I am not saying it's okay for black women to sound like uneducated street tramps. It's not I can't understand why anyone, regardless of skin color would want to sound like they've spent their entire lives underneath the lowest common denominator. BUT if anyone's going to tal like a black person, then a black person seems the least affected. But the other woman was white. And no, I'm not suggesting that all white people who talk like uneducated street tramps are putting on an act. I'm sure there are some perfectly legitimate cases of white stupid all over this great land of our'n. But when a middle aged woman from CT starts talking like, "I be all like, 'What you say?' and he be all like girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl." then chances are it's an affectation. And why would anyone WANT to affect that style of speaking? WHy do you want to sound like the only place you're fit for is prison? I'll tell you why--because stupid owns this country.

Everything in this country favors stupid and uneducated. TV is dumbed down to the point where if you have an IQ slightly above that of a banana slug, you get a headache watching it, music is vapid and simplistic, and movies are either horrible reshashes of TV shows or simple stories lacking the complexities one might find in say, Dick and Jane books. We reward stupid. The Blue Collar comedy tour, which I will admit is very funny, is nothing but a celebration of being uneducated and uncritical. It's a wonder Obama got elected, considering he isn't a lout who likes to crush full beer cans on his forehead. Now you may say, very accurately, that these women were having a conversation which was private and therefore, they should be allowed to speak any way they wish, and I agree fully with that, EXCEPT--these people are in the service industry. They deal with customers all day, and one can walk up to a hotel's front desk at any time without warning. Plus, they weren't exactly being quiet about it, so it was very easy to overhear what they were saying. And nothing raises a hotel in my estimation quite like staff that sound like extras from the latest Spike Lee joint. And I'll admit, I don't use perfect grammar, or anything like that when I speak, but at the same time, I don't sound like them. Speaking correctly, as if you've opened a book at sometime in your life, should be something we strive for, not a happy accident which occurs every once in a while. And that's what kills me--WE ALLOW IT! WOmen who talk like cast members from Car Wash can hold customer service positions because we let them. How quickly do you think that kind of thing would cease if whenever they spoke to a customer said customer demanded very loudly to be told the answer to his question, since he can't understand a single blessed word. After a few times of that, he should demand to see the manager and berate the man for hiring people who can't speak like an intelligent human being to deal with customers. If we all made a stink, they'd stop hiring people like that. I believe that if everyone faced with one of these yabos took the aforementioned steps, there would be precious few people like that around anymore. So that's the rant. I'm just tired of feeling like I don't fit into society because I happen to know how to speak somewhat correctly. If you are as well, then feel free to Vote for Pond in 2012--Him Talk plenty Good!

On the Mary-land-go-round

Thew universe seems to want to keep me from keeping this blog updated on anything approaching a regular basis, gentle readers. The hotels we've had lately seem to take great pleasure in teasing me with the opportunity to use the internet, then dash all my hopes by making sure the internet doesn't actually work. Our show Friday in Boston went exceptionally well. The kids went nuts for us and we were completely sold out. Everything about that day went incredibly smoothly. It promised to be an easy day, until we were informed right before we started the show that Spring wanted us to come to the office after the show and do a reading of the math show (which has gotten a rewrite) instead of doing it for her the last day of the tour, as originally planned. Yes, gentle readers, they have informed us that our tour will now end the 22nd of May instead of the 2nd of June. I was really hoping we were going to be able to keep those last days booked, but apparently not. So I end my employment ten days early. The positive part of that is I'll be back in town earlier, so feel free to let me know when y'all are free so I can make the rounds of ...well, rounds. Of course it makes perfect sense--the tour I'm actually enjoying is the one cut short. The one where I needed to kill a couple of cast members, not so much. Ah well. Anyway, we headed over to the office and did the reading. The show still sucks. It just sucks slightly less. The nice part is, I don't have to worry about it. So that's all I have to say about that.

After the reading, we headed to Milford, CT. The Quality Inn we stayed at was about as sketchy as one could get. Peeling walls in the elevator was one of the highlights. They also claimed to have internet access if you took this box, plugged it into the wall, then plugged that into your computer. Once that was completed, you simply opened your browser and ended up not being able to do a damn thing because it didn't work. That's why you haven't heard from me, and I am getting seriously tired of hotels that have crappy or nonexistent internet. At this point in history, society is such that if you want to be able to keep people in your hotel happy, you have to offer internet access. I could even accept the fact there is no wireless access if they have a desktop computer in the lobby or somewhere for guests to use. But this place didn't even have that. So, when a number of people suggested we go to the local mall which had a Buffalo Wild WIngs in it, I went along. It turned out there was another restaurant in the mall, and since I really wasn't that hungry for wings, Flo and I headed off through the mall until we ended up at the Black Bear Saloon (Bob, Levitt, Ted, and Carol stayed behind at BW3) This place was like a wilderness lodge, and contained what I was looking for--food that wasn't fried. I ended up with a chicken salad with sun dried tomatoes and mozzarella, and a bowl of absolutely incredible chili. But the best part was the crowd. Black Bear Saloon, on Friday nights, has a DJ dance party, which consist of a guy playing parts of several songs, melding them into each other to make something that, quite frankly, I found difficult to envision dancing to. That sentiment was not shared by the majority of the population, which ran the gamut from just silly looking to downright garish. Apparently, Black Bear Saloon is Milford's hot spot, because everyone there was dressed for the club even though they were at a restaurant in a mall. The hair--oh the hair! I wasn't sure if I was in Milford, CT in 2009 or Hackensack, NJ in 1986. Then there was the guy with the faux-hawk (why do people think that's a good idea? It has all the stupid look of a real mohawk with none of the rebellious nature. The faux-hawk says, "I want to look like an idiot, but I want the option of being able to looking normal as well." It's a coward's hairdo. If you want to be a freak, then be a freak. Don't be half-assed about it. COMMIT) and the girl wearing a pink dress that can be described best by taking a line from the wonderful Elvis Presly movie, King Creole, in which he sees Carolyn Jones (drool) and says of her outfit, "That's a very pretty piece of material. Someone should make a dress out of it someday." That woman was showing off more breast than a KFC convention. What must your social life be that you get dressed to the nines to head over to the bar at the mall? Milford, CT, you officially scare the hell out of me.

So Saturday morning, after a free breakfast that was long on free and short on breakfast, we piled in the van (sans Levitt and Schneider, who were in the truck) and I drove us to Towson, MD, which also has a mall--a huge one. I had performed in the area last tour, so I was familiar with the mall. But the best part of Saturday was going across the road to the Ramada Inn's bar, Mango Manny's, and doing karaoke for the first time in a while. We didn't get to sing too many songs, since it filled up pretty quickly as the night went on, and the KJ was not smart enough to sprinkle the new people in through the already established singers, choosing instead to bring up all the new people before bringing up any of us people who had been there for a goodly time. That annoys me, but we were able to get some good songs in. ANd once again, I'm surprised where one finds meat markets. MAngo Manny's had its share of underdressed women drinking too much and talking and laughing too loudly, with again so much cleavage I thought I was at a meeting of the La Leche League. But hey, I sang Copacabana, and while I was singing Suspicious Minds, I got leid. That's right--in mid-song, a woman came up from the audience and slipped a lei over my head. (Well, I WAS doing the Aloha From Hawaii version...) It was a good night, with me not getting back to the hotel until 3 in the morning. Now THAT is the way to spend a Saturday night. And the bartender thought that we were very entertaining, which led to him pouring very generous amounts of whiskey into our glasses. I may have to return to Towson, MD just for that. 

Today was sooooooooo relaxing. We went into Baltimore and hung out near the harbor, where I had a very decadent piece of cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory, and watched a very entertaining street juggler. He had his daughter with him as part of the act, and I was very impressed with both his daughter's skill level (considering she looked 13, tops) but also with his confidence in her and his act, because since she was only at a kid's skill level, she was not as polished, and several of the tricks, including the finale, suffered a bit in presentation because she wasn't as adept as the tricks called for. That could affect your tips, and when it comes to street performers, tips are everything. Of course, he did have a little three year old black girl her pulled from the audience in a fireman's hat holding his tips for him and every so often being asked to give a thumbs up, so the ute factor was through the roof, and that helps. It made me laugh, quite a lot. It was a great way to spend a day off. So tomorrow should be nice and easy. And tomorrow's post will cover the issues I was hopin to cover tonight, but it's late, and this is long enough, and no you're up to speed, so I can save the rants about people who insist on acting and sounding like uneducated, ignorant putzes until tomorrow. SO stay tuned, and brace yourself for that. And vote for Pond in 2012--A Flying Buttress for Society!

King Arthur is my Maine Man

So today, gentle readers, was a perfect example of a potentially shitty day that turned out to be great on all technical fronts, and a bit of a letdown performance-wise, at least as far as I was concerned. We performed today at Noble High School in Berwick, ME. Yep, a private performance, which conjured up all manner of horrific visions of loading in across grass and nonexistent wing space. Then, when I got up this morning and went to put my bag in the van, it was pouring. Oh yeah, it was shaping up to be a whale of a day. But then, when I got into the truck to head to the venue, Schneider told me that the high school not only had a dock, it was COVERED! My spirits brightened considerably; more than the skies, at least. Then we got into the space itself and discovered a theatre better than some of the professional spaces we've played on this tour. Ample wingspace, more than enough room up and downstage for our set to not only fit but also give us crossover and playing space. It was like working in a real theatre. I was amazed. We were able to fit everything onto the stage and still have room left over. Which meant we, the actors, were actually able to get around the set pieces stored in the wings without leaping over things in the dark and risking life and limb. (though the stage left platforms keep sliding apart in act two, and the thought of repairing the coffin locks in them seems to be beyond the reasoning powers of a certain SM) 

Then, after the show, we were taken to the high school's restaurant. Yes, you read that right, restaurant. Apparently, the Noble Knights run a restaurant that is open to the public called the Round Table. (Though I checked and there's not one single round table in the whole room.) It's only ope for an hour at lunch and an hour and 15 minutes at breakfast, and the proceeds go to a culinary scholarship program at the school. Students act as the waitstaff and, I assume, the cooks in the back. The head chef guy came out and it was obvious he was a teacher, but I have to assume since they're making things like Saltimbocca (which i had and was INCREDIBLE. Nothing like force-fed baby cow to really satisfy an after-show appetite. Mmmmmmm......confined calf.....) he's got a cadre of student chefs doing prep. For $7.50 you get a three course meal--appetizer, entrée, and dessert. I had Tuscan soup, which was a red pepper soup, the saltimbocca, and cannoli. It was beyond wonderful. This was without a doubt the best lunch we've had on this tour. The portions were the perfect size and the quality of the food rivaled that of actual restaurants. Major thumbs up to the ROund Table at Noble High School in Berwick, ME. We were all incredibly impressed. Especially since the neighborhood surrounding the school sort of made the guys in Deliverance look like sophisticated men about town. I applaud a school in a depressed area that is willing to come up with creative ways to finance a way to get their students some actual career skills and are willing to put money behind an actual arts space. You can tell by looking at the space, which seats 900, that this school takes it seriously. Since they have a huge sign with their sports mascot on it on the front of the school, you know they aren't shy about pushing their sports program (we drove past their football field and that is a HUGE, very well-kept place as well.) but what I like is that it appears that they can balance the focus on athletics with being willing to also put forth an effort in other areas as well. I wish more schools were willing to do that. Now, this school very well may be the only game in town for damn near an entire district, considering the fact it seemed to be the size of some of the smaller European nations, so they may have the lion's share of the district budget, so they are more able to strike that balance. But too often, whether school shave the money or not, they tend to take a narrow view of what they are willing to focus their students on, and I think that does a disservice to the student body, regardless of which direction they go. There's nothing wrong with athletics as long as they are not allowed to overshadow everything else, and vice versa.

So the school, the people, and the lunch were all wonderful. The problem? The show. The kids seemed to be really into it, at least according to Flo, who spends the whole time in the audience, but I felt out of it. I can only speak for me, but the whole show felt off for me. Maybe I'm just tired. Everyone seemed to be dragging a bit, but I swear I felt like I wasn't even on stage. I thin it's just the last few weeks of way too long drives catching up with me. Or maybe I'm just being too tough on myself. I don't know. I'm just glad that tomorrow is Friday. Of course, that means we get to perform here in Boston for Pat and Spring. And Spring's holding a production meeting immediately after the show, which further means that the van isn't gong anywhere after the show for a while, since Levitt has to be at the meeting. And there's a chance that Spring will have Flo read for her again to see if they want to offer her a slot as an actor in the fall. All of which means we're going to be knocking around Boston tomorrow until late in the afternoon. And, if you have to knock around a city until late afternoon, there are worse cities than Boston. Jackson, MS, for instance. (Shudder)

The Rain on Tour Stays Maine-ly in New Hampshire

Hello all, from Dover, NH. Not Dover, DE, which is where we were just his past week, but Dover, NH. I have been to two or three Dovers on this tour, and have yet to see one white cliff. Not Robertson, not Clavin, not even Odetts. I feel cheated, quite frankly. But here we are, staying at a Microtel in New Hampshire before our show tomorrow morning in Maine. And no, I don't know why we're staying in New Hampshire when we're performing in Maine. Apparently New Hampshire hotels are cheaper, especially if that hotel is a Microtel. Even the name suggests lack of quality. That is not to say the hotel itself lives up to its name, just that the name suggests it. So far, it seems very adequate, though I will admit that the wall of mirrors behind the beds does give me pause.....

We performed today at Central Connecticut State University, which has a wonderful space and a nonexistent crew. That actually ended up being a blessing since we had student help from the college for the load-out, and had the load-in taken as long as the load-out did, we never would've gotten the show up. It was an odd show today The kids seemed to like it, though they were not the most responsive kids we've ever had. But the weird thing is that for somereason, almost the whole cast was in this very funky mood. Everyone seemed either really tired, or in a super bad mood, and no-one really knew why. It is getting near the end of the tour and the news that the end is coming sooner than expected certainly doesn't help anyone's mood, but Alice was in such a bad mood this morning she almost burst into tears taping down cables, and Ted has bee in a sour mood ever since we got the news--even more sour than usual. Everyone seems to be just a little off, and today was the first time I really felt like it affected the show. I can't say exactly what it was that was off about the show, it just felt that way to me the whole time. And who knows--maybe it was ME that was off, and everyone else was just fine. It's hard for me to tell. The nice thing is that since we're coming to the end of the tour, people are bound and determined that we, as a group, do some fun stuff before the tour is over. That makes me happy. It's nice to know that while we all are looking forward to the end of tour because it has been a long one, and while we are also dreading the end of tour due to the fact that it means the money stops, we still want to go out on an up note with everyone having a good time with each other, rather than counting down the days til we can scatter to the four winds and never talk to each other again.

I'll admit, I'm very tired myself. I have thing I wanted to work on, and to be honest, I still do. But right now, whenever we get to where we're going for the night, I want to do nothing. I don't want to write, I don't want to watch TV, hell, I don't even want to sit in my room, but I don't really WANT to go out either. It looks like I'll be taking a Greyhound home when the tour does finish. Car rental has gotten too expensive since all car rental places seem to no longer allow you to drive one way without charging you a huge pain in the ass fee for the privilege. And while flying is faster, the bus is just plain cheaper. And considering the fact I have no real prospect of work when I get back, cheap is important. I'm not too worried about the employment situation. I have an offer for part-time work doing murder mysteries, so that'll bring in some extra money, and really, something will come along. It always does. That's one thing I've learned from being out of work so often. When you really end up needing it, something pops up and saves your bacon. Now, while I do thank the universe, or the patron saint of actors or whatever, for saving my bacon on numerous occasions, I would like to request that the next time they do it, they use an extremely well-paying and attention-getting acting gig, and steer away from the third-shift warehouse work. Not that I'm against third shift warehouse work--I'm not--but if my bacon was saved by something more along the former, then chances are my bacon would have to be saved considerably less often. So universe, please listen to me--I'm asking this for your sake as well as mine. There are so many others who need your assistance. Go ahead and get me something seriously lucrative and cross me off your list. That way you can pay more attention to the other people clamoring for your attention. See, I'm just trying to be altruistic. Seriously.

Not much else to say. Thankfully the rainy cold weather that has seemed to be following us everywhere we go gave us a break today and it was sunny and in the upper 60's. AND no-one got brained with any of the equipment. So really, it was a red letter day. The only thing I want to add is that everyone here, regardless of whether or not you have children, and especially if you DO have children, needs to read this article.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/05/04/free_range_kids/index.html

Trust me, this is something you need to take in if you have kids. And even if you don't, because we all need to be able to take a step back and reassess what a complete mess we as adults have made of kids' lives due to the pervasive and paranoid fears we live with as grown-ups and that we beat into our children, until they are unable to cope with minor every day things. Were I to ever have a child, you can damn well bet that they would be a hell of a lot more self-sufficient than the kids running around today. The sense of immortality that kids have can get them into scrapes, it's true, but I'd rather have a kid who is naturally fearless and has to be reined in sometimes than a kid who is so instilled with fear and distrust of the outside world that he needs his hand held until he graduates high school. So vote for Pond in 2012. A vote for me is a vote for Kids Without Leashes!

Back on track

Excuse me, gentle readers, while I gasp for breath, freed as I am from the stifling confinement of hotels with shitty or nonexistent internet connections. The weekend went pretty smoothly, save for the fact that on Saturday, we ended up driving from Dover, DE to Teaneck, NJ. That in and of itself wasn't so bad. What WAS bad was that we were put up in yet another convention-type Marriott hotel, meaning that it was piss-elegant and chock full of nothing free. No free breakfast, no free internet, no free nothing. I got them to waive the $13 fee for internet by pointing out to them that I could not bill it to the room, as they required me to do, since I was not paying for the room. But that was overshadowed by the fact I had to constantly go elsewhere for food and coffee. I particularly enjoyed paying $2.50 for a croissant on Monday morning before we went to the show. But once I was able to find places around lovely Teaneck, NJ to eat, it wasn't so bad, save for the weather. Saturday was great, but Sunday was wet, cold and dismal. That kind of weather has been following this tour all over the country, and I am definitely over it. The country needs to get it together and get behind the idea of spring. So Sunday was spent watching movies on my computer and trying to stay dry. And discovering that Teaneck has way too many kosher restaurants. Of al kinds of the wrong types of cuisines. Flo and I went looking for food (since everyone else in the cast had basically split for the four winds into NY that weekend) and found a place called Smokey Joe's, which promised to be a BBQ joint. A kosher, Tex-Mex BBQ joint. WHAT???? There's nothing about that phrase that's right. AND it was stupidly expensive. It was one of the few times I've ever walked out of a restaurant after having been handed a menu. We ended up at a place called the Charcoal Pit, which turned out to be a family-style restaurant, like a Greek diner-type. So I would like to reassure my constituents that once I am elected, I will enact a law that requires all businesses to have names that do not obscure their nature or suggest they are something other than what they are. I see nothing wrong with Smokey Moishe's.

Monday we performed at the same NJ venue we performed at earlier this tour, where the crew and Levitt ended up hating each other, due to the fact that they have no patience for incompetence, and she has no patience for men. But they were ery nice this time around, at least to us. I think we garnered both their respect and sympathy the last time. Respect because the rest of us knew what we were doing, and sympathy because we had to work with Levitt every day. In fact, I heard a couple of them talking as we were unloading, and they actually said they felt sorry for Schneider and me because we had to deal with Levitt all the time. That's the effect of the face of Chamber Theatre--sympathy for the people she has to work with.  But despite their antipathy toward her, the show went very well, save for a number of small clumsinesses on our part. During Tell-Tale, Bob nearly fell flat on his ass crossing to the bed at the end, basically killing the whole tense mood we had. I'm just glad he was okay. And there were all kinds of these small things the whole day. Tripping over platform edges because the fences were so close to the platforms there wasn't really any room to cross behind them, running into benches during exits, silly stuff like that. Thankfully, the kids didn't seem to care, because they were having a blast. We hung out in town for a little while afterward, to have lunch, then leapt onto the road to head to our next destination, New London, CT and the Foxwoods Casino Resort. Yep--Chamber Theatre was getting put up in a casino hotel. And let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, this wasn't just a casino--it was a gambling conglomerate,  Mormon compound of wagering. Three hotels (including an MGM Grand) and four, count 'em, FOUR casinos all connected within a huge sprawling octopus of buildings. It was actually pretty cool when you get right down to it, since the rooms were beautiful, and while I had decided very early NOT to go anywhere near the tables, (I have an amazing amount of luck--all bad) there were plenty of places to eat and hang out. Found a very nice lounge/bar where I got a drink and listened to a bunch of over-the-hill-never wases play other people's songs. But again, a hotel containing no free anything. No free breakfast, so this morning I had to be up at the ungodly hour of before six in order to get down to the little food courty place in the casino to get coffee and a danish the size of my head for breakfast. And while they claimed they had free internet connections i the room (if you got an ethernet cable from them) even though I plugged it in where they told me, I couldn't connect to anything. Hence, I have not blogged in three days. Stupid casino hotel. Stupid crappy MArriott where everything is extra. I love the fact that the cheaper the hotel, the more stuff they give you on the house, while the nicer the hotel, the more they stick it to you on the nickel and dime front. And I'm tired of having my budget blown to hell because Spring wants to get a free vacation through hotel points. Here's an idea--join the points program with Choice hotels, since 90% of the time we're staying in a Choice Hotel. Makes sense to me. But then, making sense is apparently NOT the Chamber Way.

As annoying as the weekend (and Monday night) might have been, it was made better by the show today. We performed for 1300 kids in New London, and they raised the proverbial roof. Raised it like they were David Copperfield and the roof was a scantily clad lady lying on a table. They burned that mother down, then found dad to clean up the ashes. It was probably the closest thing to a flawless show we've ever had on the tour, save for my contact sliding up into my head halfway through Sleepy. Thankfully, I have had quite a bit of experience performing without depth perception. (I am, after all, a hack--I'll let you guys stew on how that's a pun...) The only scary thing was right away at the beginning of the day. As we were loading in, one of the platforms fell while in the truck and hit Schneider in the head. He went straight to the floor of the truck and sat there, dazed, for what had to be two or three minutes. He actually did try to get up, but had to sit back down immediately. Thankfully, he turned to be okay, but we pulled him from working on the truck itself . He's fine and by the end of the show, was right as rain enough to work the truck during the load-out. So it was an amazingly enjoyable day--until the sho waa over, and we got the news that Chamber is ending the tour early. Yep, instead of our last day being the 2nd of June, it's now the 22nd of May. Whee! So now I get to rush home to...unemployment. Happy happy joy joy! AH well, such is life. I should be able to find something. DOn't really have any other choice.After that happy bit of news, we all hung out in town. Some people went to the local mall, but Bob, Flo and I headed out to find Eugene O-Neill's house. He apparently grew up in New London, CT (or thereabouts) and that house was the inspiration for the settings of both "Ah, Wilderness!" and "Long Day's Journey Into Night." We found it, but it was closed for the season. It'll more than likely open after Memorial Day. Bob was disappointed, since it had been his idea, but at least he got a picture in front of it. We had a very short drive to New Britain, CT, where we celebrated Cinco De Mayo by walking into an insanely packed MExican restaurant, and opting instead for an American cuisine place that served quite possibly the most overpriced, under-alcoholed margaritas. Naturally, we didn't know that when we opted for it. The celebration was rather subdued, thanks to both the pricey nature of the drinks and the fact that people were still dealing with the news that the tour is ending ten days early, so there were fewer drinks hoisted than one would normally expect on a holiday that, as far as I can see, runs second only to St. Patrick's Day for being a gigantic excuse to get shitfaced. And that is something that i think is just plain wrong. Nothing should get in the way of a good bender. When I am elected, I will do everything I can to make sure that on holidays that are primarily alcohol-based, the country does everything it can to facilitate the camaraderie and goodwill that flows from these celebrations by imposing a price drop on alcohol nationwide. That way, even if you are getting screwed over by your job being over two weeks early and losing a full paycheck because of it, you can still afford to at least go out and drink yourself into a self-pitying stupor. THAT'S America. So vote for Pond in 2012--Don't Stop Drinking Until Tomorrow! (Apologies to both Bill Clinton and Fleetwood Mac)

Roll me Dover, in the clover..

I'm back in Dover, DE, gentle readers, after a very interesting show in Hampton, VA. We performed today at a middle school that, I must admit, I was very worried about. The load-in was okay. We didn't have any students helping us, but it went pretty smoothly. But as we were setting up, I heard their morning announcements. Every single one started with the admonition that the kids should take the opportunity to behave their best during the day, and that there would be strict and swift repercussions for misbehavior. It was relentless. I started to feel as if I was Johnny Cash appearing in San Quentin and at any moment, a riot could erupt, with sixth graders rushing the stage, throwing garbage and setting seats on fire. But what scared me even more is that they start the day reading off a pledge for the teachers that basically said that the teachers pledged to treat their students like people and not slack off. What kind of burnout are they dealing with at that school that the teachers have to reaffirm their ability to actually do their job every morning? I was convinced we were going to be performing for the hardest-bitten of the hard-bitten, jaded, steely-eyed middle school hooligans.

I have never been so happy to be wrong. The show went amazingly well. The kids, far from being insane, out of control thugs, were enthusiastic, responsive, and polite. They were quite possibly one of the best audiences we've had on this tour. Which was very important, since the show itself was incredibly difficult to get through. The space was very small, so we had to cut the entire proscenium. Unfortunately, no-one decided to check whether that was necessary until we had gotten the entire thing into the space, so we had to bring the stuff back out and put it in the back of the truck right as we were wrapping up the load-in. Once we got into the auditorium, we discovered that there was ONE outlet. One. For the entire set of lights. Schneider suggested we cut the lights altogether, since we were going to have to cut almost all of the onstage lights anyway. He wanted to use just the front of house lights with the stage lights that belonged to the school. Apparently, Levitt decided he had his one accepted suggestion of the week yesterday when he said we could load somewhere other than the lawn, because she turned him down. So they set up as many of the lights as he thought the place could bear. Which, of course, meant that a third of the way into Sleepy Hollow, the lights all went out. We got their stage lights and house lights on so the kids could at least see us, but we also discovered that whatever breaker they had tripped had also affected the sound rack, leaving it unable to make any sound. Then they got the lights back. Then the lights disappeared. Then they came back. Then they left. Then we got them back, then the sound came back and every one of us heaved an internal sigh of relief. Turns out whenever they got the lights to work, Flo turned the sound rack back on and blew everything again. Finally they managed to rewire everything the right way, and we got the whole show back on its feet, just in time for the ride. On top of all this, the auditorium was in no way, shape or form air conditioned, so we were all sweating like me looking at a confessional. So by the time the show came down, and we re-entered the stage for the Q&A, (yes, a Q&A--the universe was determined to make sure this week lasted as long as humanly possible.) we all wanted nothing more than to find a place to wring ourselves out. But the kids had been so good during the show that we were (or at least I was) looking forward to it. And they turned out to be even better asking questions. None of them asked anything inappropriate or silly, and they all seemed very interested in the answers. Then we went backstage and were treated to lunch, which consisted of fried chicken (REAL fried chicken, too, none of that crappy CHAIN fried chicken. I could just picture a little old bent black lady in a hairnet making it for the school.) cookies, bananas, and popcorn. Not the healthiest thing in the world, but it tasted SOOOOOOOOOO good. And the load-out, while difficult because it was so freaking hot on the truck, went easier than the load-in because we had a crew filled with kids who had just seen the show, and who were really enthusiastic about helping, even if they weren't the most skilled. One kid, though had serious skills, because he was able to help load the truck while all the time dealing with the fact his pants were falling so far down his legs that yt he time he started pulling cases up the ramp, his ass was completely out of his jeans. Thank goodness for REALLY long t-shirts. One of the other kids was kidding him about it, and he said, "I didn't do it on purpose, they just fell down as I was runnin'" I then asked if we had any spare suspenders for him. Or maybe a ratchet strap. How he managed to walk around in those things yet keep everything covered in some way shape or form amazes me. Luckily he took it in he way it was intended, so we managed to forgo bloodshed.  

After that Levitt made all of our days--she drove the truck. It's amazing, the mood shift when she's not in the van. So no we are here in Dover DE, at a lovely Fairfield Inn with an empty hot tub. Apparently a hot tub that works is the next item on the list--the list of what must be done before this tour is over. (And no, the other hot tubs don't count because they came before I made this solemn vow...so stay tuned, gentle readers, and keep those fingers crossed!