Back on track

Excuse me, gentle readers, while I gasp for breath, freed as I am from the stifling confinement of hotels with shitty or nonexistent internet connections. The weekend went pretty smoothly, save for the fact that on Saturday, we ended up driving from Dover, DE to Teaneck, NJ. That in and of itself wasn't so bad. What WAS bad was that we were put up in yet another convention-type Marriott hotel, meaning that it was piss-elegant and chock full of nothing free. No free breakfast, no free internet, no free nothing. I got them to waive the $13 fee for internet by pointing out to them that I could not bill it to the room, as they required me to do, since I was not paying for the room. But that was overshadowed by the fact I had to constantly go elsewhere for food and coffee. I particularly enjoyed paying $2.50 for a croissant on Monday morning before we went to the show. But once I was able to find places around lovely Teaneck, NJ to eat, it wasn't so bad, save for the weather. Saturday was great, but Sunday was wet, cold and dismal. That kind of weather has been following this tour all over the country, and I am definitely over it. The country needs to get it together and get behind the idea of spring. So Sunday was spent watching movies on my computer and trying to stay dry. And discovering that Teaneck has way too many kosher restaurants. Of al kinds of the wrong types of cuisines. Flo and I went looking for food (since everyone else in the cast had basically split for the four winds into NY that weekend) and found a place called Smokey Joe's, which promised to be a BBQ joint. A kosher, Tex-Mex BBQ joint. WHAT???? There's nothing about that phrase that's right. AND it was stupidly expensive. It was one of the few times I've ever walked out of a restaurant after having been handed a menu. We ended up at a place called the Charcoal Pit, which turned out to be a family-style restaurant, like a Greek diner-type. So I would like to reassure my constituents that once I am elected, I will enact a law that requires all businesses to have names that do not obscure their nature or suggest they are something other than what they are. I see nothing wrong with Smokey Moishe's.

Monday we performed at the same NJ venue we performed at earlier this tour, where the crew and Levitt ended up hating each other, due to the fact that they have no patience for incompetence, and she has no patience for men. But they were ery nice this time around, at least to us. I think we garnered both their respect and sympathy the last time. Respect because the rest of us knew what we were doing, and sympathy because we had to work with Levitt every day. In fact, I heard a couple of them talking as we were unloading, and they actually said they felt sorry for Schneider and me because we had to deal with Levitt all the time. That's the effect of the face of Chamber Theatre--sympathy for the people she has to work with.  But despite their antipathy toward her, the show went very well, save for a number of small clumsinesses on our part. During Tell-Tale, Bob nearly fell flat on his ass crossing to the bed at the end, basically killing the whole tense mood we had. I'm just glad he was okay. And there were all kinds of these small things the whole day. Tripping over platform edges because the fences were so close to the platforms there wasn't really any room to cross behind them, running into benches during exits, silly stuff like that. Thankfully, the kids didn't seem to care, because they were having a blast. We hung out in town for a little while afterward, to have lunch, then leapt onto the road to head to our next destination, New London, CT and the Foxwoods Casino Resort. Yep--Chamber Theatre was getting put up in a casino hotel. And let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, this wasn't just a casino--it was a gambling conglomerate,  Mormon compound of wagering. Three hotels (including an MGM Grand) and four, count 'em, FOUR casinos all connected within a huge sprawling octopus of buildings. It was actually pretty cool when you get right down to it, since the rooms were beautiful, and while I had decided very early NOT to go anywhere near the tables, (I have an amazing amount of luck--all bad) there were plenty of places to eat and hang out. Found a very nice lounge/bar where I got a drink and listened to a bunch of over-the-hill-never wases play other people's songs. But again, a hotel containing no free anything. No free breakfast, so this morning I had to be up at the ungodly hour of before six in order to get down to the little food courty place in the casino to get coffee and a danish the size of my head for breakfast. And while they claimed they had free internet connections i the room (if you got an ethernet cable from them) even though I plugged it in where they told me, I couldn't connect to anything. Hence, I have not blogged in three days. Stupid casino hotel. Stupid crappy MArriott where everything is extra. I love the fact that the cheaper the hotel, the more stuff they give you on the house, while the nicer the hotel, the more they stick it to you on the nickel and dime front. And I'm tired of having my budget blown to hell because Spring wants to get a free vacation through hotel points. Here's an idea--join the points program with Choice hotels, since 90% of the time we're staying in a Choice Hotel. Makes sense to me. But then, making sense is apparently NOT the Chamber Way.

As annoying as the weekend (and Monday night) might have been, it was made better by the show today. We performed for 1300 kids in New London, and they raised the proverbial roof. Raised it like they were David Copperfield and the roof was a scantily clad lady lying on a table. They burned that mother down, then found dad to clean up the ashes. It was probably the closest thing to a flawless show we've ever had on the tour, save for my contact sliding up into my head halfway through Sleepy. Thankfully, I have had quite a bit of experience performing without depth perception. (I am, after all, a hack--I'll let you guys stew on how that's a pun...) The only scary thing was right away at the beginning of the day. As we were loading in, one of the platforms fell while in the truck and hit Schneider in the head. He went straight to the floor of the truck and sat there, dazed, for what had to be two or three minutes. He actually did try to get up, but had to sit back down immediately. Thankfully, he turned to be okay, but we pulled him from working on the truck itself . He's fine and by the end of the show, was right as rain enough to work the truck during the load-out. So it was an amazingly enjoyable day--until the sho waa over, and we got the news that Chamber is ending the tour early. Yep, instead of our last day being the 2nd of June, it's now the 22nd of May. Whee! So now I get to rush home to...unemployment. Happy happy joy joy! AH well, such is life. I should be able to find something. DOn't really have any other choice.After that happy bit of news, we all hung out in town. Some people went to the local mall, but Bob, Flo and I headed out to find Eugene O-Neill's house. He apparently grew up in New London, CT (or thereabouts) and that house was the inspiration for the settings of both "Ah, Wilderness!" and "Long Day's Journey Into Night." We found it, but it was closed for the season. It'll more than likely open after Memorial Day. Bob was disappointed, since it had been his idea, but at least he got a picture in front of it. We had a very short drive to New Britain, CT, where we celebrated Cinco De Mayo by walking into an insanely packed MExican restaurant, and opting instead for an American cuisine place that served quite possibly the most overpriced, under-alcoholed margaritas. Naturally, we didn't know that when we opted for it. The celebration was rather subdued, thanks to both the pricey nature of the drinks and the fact that people were still dealing with the news that the tour is ending ten days early, so there were fewer drinks hoisted than one would normally expect on a holiday that, as far as I can see, runs second only to St. Patrick's Day for being a gigantic excuse to get shitfaced. And that is something that i think is just plain wrong. Nothing should get in the way of a good bender. When I am elected, I will do everything I can to make sure that on holidays that are primarily alcohol-based, the country does everything it can to facilitate the camaraderie and goodwill that flows from these celebrations by imposing a price drop on alcohol nationwide. That way, even if you are getting screwed over by your job being over two weeks early and losing a full paycheck because of it, you can still afford to at least go out and drink yourself into a self-pitying stupor. THAT'S America. So vote for Pond in 2012--Don't Stop Drinking Until Tomorrow! (Apologies to both Bill Clinton and Fleetwood Mac)