It's all coming back to me now...

Greetings, gentle readers! Today I am in Shrewsbury, MA, ready for my last show of the Chamber Theatre Spring 2009 tour. It's been a hell of a few days, which is why I haven't been online posting, but let me give you a quick recap. Wednesday, we performed in Allentown, PA at the Symphony Center, which is a wonderful space with a crew who really could, I believe, run our show without us there. The show was a little odd, though, as the pacing seemed off. I ascribe that to the fact that 1) Carol is in a lot of pain due to what we have since discovered is sciatica, and 2) a few people were speeding through parts of the show since we had a long drive AND another unloading of the truck to look forward to that evening. But the kids seemed to like the show. And thankfully both the load in and the load out went as smoothly as a baby's ass.....before diaper rash, that is. We then headed out to try to make it from Allentown, PA to Long Island, NY by 5:30. We left the theatre at 1:30. We stopped for lunch (I was in the van) at 2, and left lunch by 2:30. We then proceeded to drive what seemed like six and a half years. It took us a total of 4.5 hours to get to Long Island and the school where we had to unload. At least two of those hours were spent getting through Manhattan. Have I mentioned to anyone how much I HATE NY? It took an excrutiatingly long time to get there. I know it's the city that never sleeps and everything, but could it take a catnap every once in a while? Just while I'm trying to get somewhere? Maybe? The people I really felt sorry for were the people at the middle school who had been told by the office that we would be there by 5:30.  Stupid, stupid office people. We rolled in at 7, and those sweet people not only didn't complain, they had pizza for us. We were helped by their drama teacher and a small crew of middle school theatre girls (and one lone, "I'm mathematically guaranteed to find a girlfriend here due to lack of competition" boy) who were super enthusiastic, even though they had been waiting around doing nothing for 90 minutes. We got the whole thing unloaded, set up and damn near ready to go in a little over an hour, and were back on the road to our hotel, which had (I may have to give up atheism) A HOT TUB! That WORKED! So the day ended very well, and I retired, happy, less sore than before, and almost ready to get up at the butt crack of dawn to do an 8:30 show.

Thursday started out well. We were close enough to the school that we didn't have to leave the hotel until just after 7 for a 7:30 arrival, so it wasn't too bad. We got everything set and ready to go and even though we were forced to use staff bathrooms as dressing rooms, the lack of having to unload the truck and set up in the morning kept us all very mellow. That and the fact the school allowed us to pilfer their coffee. Belgian chocolate, thank you very much. Our crew from the other day came to see the show, and were given front row seats. Our audience consisted of nothing but 8th graders, and if any of you out there have ever performed for eighth graders all by themselves, then you know what a hostile crowd they can be, especially first thing in the morning. But the kids were really into it, and had a great time. It was very heartening to have gone through so damn much work to get that particular performance up and running and then have it so appreciated. We broke down, loaded up, and then got to eat lunch, and were sat in the cafeteria, where some of us were able to eat with a few of the crew members. I always enjoy that, because I think (well, I know) that the kids get a kick out of it, and I have to admit, so do I. I like talking to kids who are so enthusiastic about something that I do for a living and which, quite frankly (and I think we can all agree on this) we professionals tend to get very jaded about. And I don't know about you, but I never get tired of being told how awesome I am. Im telling ya--if middle schoolers could vote, this Presidential bid I'm discussing could be real....

I then drove the truck with Flo from Long Island to Shrewsbury, MA, which was another long ass drive, but thankfully uneventful. We were surprised and delighted to discover than yes, somehow the theatre gods had smiled on us and while this Courtyard by Marriott does not have free breakfast, it DID have...A HOT TUB! ANd quite possibly the best hot tub ever. It was both nice and toasty, but also, the jets alongside the tub were tilted upwards, so the water shot up the back wall. Why is this so cool, you ask? Well, allow me to elucidate. When the jets are pointed in that way, the water actually shoots up your back and massages things like your shoulders. You know, the places that need it. When the jets are adjusted to shoot straight into the tub (as they usually are) AND since they are usually situated right at seat level, what you get (if you're a guy) is the uncomfortable and embarrassing occurrence of having the jet blow the water straight into your trunks. ANd if you wear baggy trunks and not speedos (And let's all breathe a sigh of relief and appreciation that I do NOT wear speedos) your trunks have a tendency to then inflate like a hot air balloon, causing you to either look like your entire crotch area is swelling up with elephantitis, or to suddenly have that air escape, making all and sundry think you just farted a 21 gun salute into the hot tub. So thank you, Courtyard by Marriott, thank you for keeping that from happening. You are aces in my book, which of course, I'm sure you care about.

So that is the recap, gentle readers. I shall try to blog tonight before my Greyhound excursion tomorrow morning, but I make no promises. What I do promise i that this blog shall not disappear once I return to Chicago. There's plenty of silly and stupid for me to rail against, and how often does crazy shit NOT happen in a theatre career? So rest assured (or beat your head against a wall in despair) I shall continue to post. After all, I still have a little over 2 years before the election, so I have to campaign HARD! Vote for Pond in 2012--A Hard man for a Hard job....