Sunday, May 10, 2009

On the Mary-land-go-round

Thew universe seems to want to keep me from keeping this blog updated on anything approaching a regular basis, gentle readers. The hotels we've had lately seem to take great pleasure in teasing me with the opportunity to use the internet, then dash all my hopes by making sure the internet doesn't actually work. Our show Friday in Boston went exceptionally well. The kids went nuts for us and we were completely sold out. Everything about that day went incredibly smoothly. It promised to be an easy day, until we were informed right before we started the show that Spring wanted us to come to the office after the show and do a reading of the math show (which has gotten a rewrite) instead of doing it for her the last day of the tour, as originally planned. Yes, gentle readers, they have informed us that our tour will now end the 22nd of May instead of the 2nd of June. I was really hoping we were going to be able to keep those last days booked, but apparently not. So I end my employment ten days early. The positive part of that is I'll be back in town earlier, so feel free to let me know when y'all are free so I can make the rounds of ...well, rounds. Of course it makes perfect sense--the tour I'm actually enjoying is the one cut short. The one where I needed to kill a couple of cast members, not so much. Ah well. Anyway, we headed over to the office and did the reading. The show still sucks. It just sucks slightly less. The nice part is, I don't have to worry about it. So that's all I have to say about that.

After the reading, we headed to Milford, CT. The Quality Inn we stayed at was about as sketchy as one could get. Peeling walls in the elevator was one of the highlights. They also claimed to have internet access if you took this box, plugged it into the wall, then plugged that into your computer. Once that was completed, you simply opened your browser and ended up not being able to do a damn thing because it didn't work. That's why you haven't heard from me, and I am getting seriously tired of hotels that have crappy or nonexistent internet. At this point in history, society is such that if you want to be able to keep people in your hotel happy, you have to offer internet access. I could even accept the fact there is no wireless access if they have a desktop computer in the lobby or somewhere for guests to use. But this place didn't even have that. So, when a number of people suggested we go to the local mall which had a Buffalo Wild WIngs in it, I went along. It turned out there was another restaurant in the mall, and since I really wasn't that hungry for wings, Flo and I headed off through the mall until we ended up at the Black Bear Saloon (Bob, Levitt, Ted, and Carol stayed behind at BW3) This place was like a wilderness lodge, and contained what I was looking for--food that wasn't fried. I ended up with a chicken salad with sun dried tomatoes and mozzarella, and a bowl of absolutely incredible chili. But the best part was the crowd. Black Bear Saloon, on Friday nights, has a DJ dance party, which consist of a guy playing parts of several songs, melding them into each other to make something that, quite frankly, I found difficult to envision dancing to. That sentiment was not shared by the majority of the population, which ran the gamut from just silly looking to downright garish. Apparently, Black Bear Saloon is Milford's hot spot, because everyone there was dressed for the club even though they were at a restaurant in a mall. The hair--oh the hair! I wasn't sure if I was in Milford, CT in 2009 or Hackensack, NJ in 1986. Then there was the guy with the faux-hawk (why do people think that's a good idea? It has all the stupid look of a real mohawk with none of the rebellious nature. The faux-hawk says, "I want to look like an idiot, but I want the option of being able to looking normal as well." It's a coward's hairdo. If you want to be a freak, then be a freak. Don't be half-assed about it. COMMIT) and the girl wearing a pink dress that can be described best by taking a line from the wonderful Elvis Presly movie, King Creole, in which he sees Carolyn Jones (drool) and says of her outfit, "That's a very pretty piece of material. Someone should make a dress out of it someday." That woman was showing off more breast than a KFC convention. What must your social life be that you get dressed to the nines to head over to the bar at the mall? Milford, CT, you officially scare the hell out of me.

So Saturday morning, after a free breakfast that was long on free and short on breakfast, we piled in the van (sans Levitt and Schneider, who were in the truck) and I drove us to Towson, MD, which also has a mall--a huge one. I had performed in the area last tour, so I was familiar with the mall. But the best part of Saturday was going across the road to the Ramada Inn's bar, Mango Manny's, and doing karaoke for the first time in a while. We didn't get to sing too many songs, since it filled up pretty quickly as the night went on, and the KJ was not smart enough to sprinkle the new people in through the already established singers, choosing instead to bring up all the new people before bringing up any of us people who had been there for a goodly time. That annoys me, but we were able to get some good songs in. ANd once again, I'm surprised where one finds meat markets. MAngo Manny's had its share of underdressed women drinking too much and talking and laughing too loudly, with again so much cleavage I thought I was at a meeting of the La Leche League. But hey, I sang Copacabana, and while I was singing Suspicious Minds, I got leid. That's right--in mid-song, a woman came up from the audience and slipped a lei over my head. (Well, I WAS doing the Aloha From Hawaii version...) It was a good night, with me not getting back to the hotel until 3 in the morning. Now THAT is the way to spend a Saturday night. And the bartender thought that we were very entertaining, which led to him pouring very generous amounts of whiskey into our glasses. I may have to return to Towson, MD just for that. 

Today was sooooooooo relaxing. We went into Baltimore and hung out near the harbor, where I had a very decadent piece of cheesecake at Cheesecake Factory, and watched a very entertaining street juggler. He had his daughter with him as part of the act, and I was very impressed with both his daughter's skill level (considering she looked 13, tops) but also with his confidence in her and his act, because since she was only at a kid's skill level, she was not as polished, and several of the tricks, including the finale, suffered a bit in presentation because she wasn't as adept as the tricks called for. That could affect your tips, and when it comes to street performers, tips are everything. Of course, he did have a little three year old black girl her pulled from the audience in a fireman's hat holding his tips for him and every so often being asked to give a thumbs up, so the ute factor was through the roof, and that helps. It made me laugh, quite a lot. It was a great way to spend a day off. So tomorrow should be nice and easy. And tomorrow's post will cover the issues I was hopin to cover tonight, but it's late, and this is long enough, and no you're up to speed, so I can save the rants about people who insist on acting and sounding like uneducated, ignorant putzes until tomorrow. SO stay tuned, and brace yourself for that. And vote for Pond in 2012--A Flying Buttress for Society!

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