We performed this morning at the Paramount Theatre in Aurora, IL. It is a beautiful old theatre at which I have performed before. The crew is incredibly professional, efficient, eager and helpful without being pushy and in your way They actually wait to be told what we need them to do before just grabbing stuff off the truck. They are also amazingly friendly and considerate, providing us with fresh coffee and doughnuts, and telling us that had we called beforehand, the woman who runs the place would've cooked for us. The dock loads directly onto the stage, and there's plenty of room for everything. Today started out incredibly well. Load-in took 15 minutes. Everything was set up and I was relaxing with coffee and a doughnut by 8:55. The show itself went amazingly well. The kids were loud and responsive and ate us all up. Every single one of us felt on top of the world. I said to Bob that if I could be guaranteed to work at nothing bt venues like the Paramount Theatre, I'd be hard pressed to stop touring. It is exactly the type of place you think about working when you dream of being an actor. I wish they had a resident company because I would do whatever was necessary to get into it. So after the show, they let us leave the vehicles at the theatre while we walked over to a little coffee/sandwich place nearby, where I got a chef salad made from some of the freshest ingredients ever, and a broccoli cheese soup that I honestly want the recipe to. Add that to a sugar free caramel latte with four shots of espresso in it, and I was floating back to the van. All I had to do now was sit in the van for a few hours while Bob and Levitt drove and navigated (respectively) us back to Ohio, which would be no problem, since we had already taken the route in when we drove to WI. We were well on our way and in good spirits. Once we got onto I-80, Levitt put the GPS aside and told Bob to just stay on the road and there'd be no problem. She then proceeded to read her book. A little while later, after dozing in and out of consciousness, I happen to look up and out of the window just in time for Carol and I to see a sign--Welcome to Michigan. Carol and I are suitably confused, since we both remember driving from PA to WI, which took us through Ohio, Indiana, and IL, never once taking us into Michigan. But just to be sure, I rack my brains, wondering if perhaps there's a stretch where 80 pops in and out of Michigan really fast. The answer of course was no. So I raise my head further and ask, "Why are we in Michigan? We don't need to be in Michigan, right?" Levitt looks up from her book, glances around as if SHE had just woken up, takes a cursory glance at the GPS and tells me, "we're fine." That's when I knew we were in trouble. The only time LEvitt ever says we're fine is when we are most decidedly NOT fine. Like when we're in Michigan as we try to get to Ohio from IL. I reiterate my concerns abut the necessity of being in Michigan and am summarily ignored, util she takes a closer look at the GPS and we pass a sign that gives us distance to Detroit. Then she starts flailing around trying to find a way to get us off 94. How we got on 94 I have no idea.
Now lest one of my gentle readers brings up the point that instead of saving all my vitriol for Levitt I should save some for Bob, I say this. 1) Bob was admittedly and well-documentedly exhausted 2)It is the job of the driver to drive and the navigator to get them where they are supposed to be. 3) It is also a rule that the navigator is not supposed to do things like put aside their directions or GPS system and read or do anything else to the exclusion of their actual duties 4) She had turned the volume of the GPS system down so it wouldn't disturb her, thereby making it impossible for the GPS to allow any of us to know a mistake had been made before we crossed state lines. 5) She knows that Bob kinda needs a guide when he drives. and 6) She swoops down on any navigational mistake made by anyone else, to the point of throwing atlases at them. So I feel fully justified in taking her on in this and placing the blame squarely on her shoulders. So once she discovers that I'm not pulling her leg, she gets us off 94 to a place where you can't get back ON 94 going the opposite direction so we can backtrack. As we are driving down this rod in the middle of a field, Alice asks what I must say is the greatest question, "When we get out of East Hineyfuck, can we stop somewhere so I can pee?" By this time we still hd not heard a single apology for messing up come from the front seat and Levitt. I am still waiting. Y'know, for that cold day in hell that will occur the minute she admits she has ever done anything wrong. We do stop at a gas station, and we all go in to pee, and I ask the lady behind the counter if she can help get us where we need to go. She gives me very easy directions to 80/90, which is what we need. I thank her, go out and tell Bob what she told me, after which LEvitt chimes in and after I ignore her, looking around as if I hear...SOMETHING....I understand that she is in agreement with me and "That's what we're going to do," only said as snottily as you can imagine. So we get into the van and start off on our way. The back fo the van, where I, Flo and Carol are, is in fine sprits, since none of us can keep a straight face. After a few minutes and a distance sign later, I remind Bob that the woman said it was just past Niles, which is in 13 miles, so keep an eye out then, but not before. Levitt jumps in and brandishing the GPS she can't read, tells me she's got it, that everything's fine. And I'm thinking, "Oh yeah, like everything was fine when you allowed us to drive to the wrong freaking STATE?" I feel so much better already. Levitt by this time has done that thing she does whenever she makes a mistake and by that I mean, a lot. She has become short and snippy and defensive and arrogant with the people i the van, making it obvious that somehow it is all of us who have failed to live up to expectations, rather than her inability to pay attention to a map. AND STILL no apology. Oh yeah, this woman is a catch. Like the swine flu.
W finally get back onto 80, and we immediately stop so that Levitt can kick Bob out of the driver's seat and take over....but not before we all have to stop at a service plaza and get dinner. She asks if we want to stop and eat or whether we just get something to eat in the van. We start to give opinions and get ,"So dinner here, sit and eat?" We capitulate, having foolishly forgotten when it comes to food, we do what Levitt wants, regardless of what the cast poll shows. So we do, using up another 40 minutes or so. Then we discover that we've just lost an hour, moving into EST. The general mood of the van has dimmed somewhat, although Flo, Carol, Alice and myself are having a lovely time shaking our head at the incompetence we are saddled with. The rest of the trip was uneventful. Levitt got us there by 9:00 p.m. (we crossed into MI at about 4:30) and got us checked in. This woman is such a bitch when I held the door open for her, FLO had to thank me. And I had brought her her freaking luggage. AND STILL NO APOLOGY! HAd this happened to one of us, had one of the other of us been navigating and gotten us lost in a whole other STATE, she would've had a fit. But we're supposed to let this slide by with no mention. It's pathetic. Add to that the fact the hotel had a hot tub that was barely tepid and this day, which had started so well, swiftly deteriorated into hopelessness and sorrow. I just can't believe we were in MICHIGAN! Thankfully we didn't go too far into it, but neither Carol nor I were keeping watch during the drive It was very likely we could've both NOT Seen the welcome to Michigan sign and we could've been halfway to Detroit before anyone realized what had gone wrong. And all because this woman can't pay attention to a piece of machinery. You want to read? Then TURN THE VOICE BACK ON! YOU KNOW, SO IT CAN ALERT YOU WHEN SOMETHING IS HAPPENING? Sorry didn't mean to yell. This type of thing SHOULD be common sense, but there is no such thing as far as this woman is concerned. You want common sense? Then you have to just accept that she's on this planet to serve as a bad example. To show you what NOT to do in any circumstance. You do that, and you should have a pretty easy life. Just ask yourself, What would Levitt Do? then burn the bracelet and do the opposite, ya freak. Vote for Pond in 2012--Because I'm Smarter than Everyone Else Running....
No comments:
Post a Comment