Ask Not What I can do for You

Because really, I'm not that altruistic. Hello, gentle readers. I know you must be wondering why I haven't blogged before this, and the only thing I can tell you is that it is due to the fact we have had hellish drives the past two days after shows, which have left me with little energy to do more than crawl into bed and weep silently until I lose consciousness and dream of a world whereall tours will be run in a way that takes the well-being of their actors into consideration. Both yesterday's show and today's show went very well, at least the performance thereof did. Yesterday in York, we ended up losing lights for half of Act I because we had too many lights for the circuits in the school. Again, STOP trying to cram everything into a space that is not built for it. And today's load out was postponed halfway through because we had to load the truck in the same space as the buses, and then, while we were wiling away the time waiting for the kids to leave, a thunderstorm opened up, making us wait even longer to get back to the truck and continue getting ready to get the hell out of Carmel, NY and down to Newark, DE. (Which is where we finally ended up.) The drive from York, PA to Danbury, CT (which is where you stay when you perform in Carmel, NY, apparently--gotta love Chamber!) was long dues to distance. The drive from Carmel, NY to Newark, DE tonight was long due to the fact that a) the entire state of New York feels it is their duty to make travel as difficult as possible for anyone NOT driving through New York City and b) no-one in this part of the country knows how to drive when it rains. We were trying to get to Delaware as quickly as possible for Flo's sake, since she was getting picked up by her parents to drive to Maryland to attend the funeral of her grandfather on Saturday. But trying to find a way from Carmel NY to Delaware that doesn't take you through the city of NY proper is a pain in the ass. Especially since you end up having to go north and east in order to go south and west. Have I mentioned I HATE New York? The, when we finally DO get on the stupid New Jersey Turnpike, my dreams of going 80 are dashed because it starts to rain and there are a number of morons ahead of me who insist on keeping 14 car lengths between them and the car in front of them and slamming on their brakes every time anybody ahead of them does ANYTHING! I am convinced that on this trip I exhausted my store of profanity and had to create new vulgarities. Add to that Levitt chiming in from the back seat with incorrect directions on how to avoid NYC and you can imagine how happy a mood I was in. We finally rolled in at 8:30. We left at 3:30. It was supposed to be three hours. I hate the Northeast. It's official. My first act as President will be to decree that the Northeast must add easily accessible roads that go nowhere near NYC AND that allow trucks to drive on them. Anyone not complying with this decree will be summarily forced to live in Hackensack. That'll learn 'em. AND make them long for Gitmo.

But the shows all went very well, which made me happy. And today's kid crew was a lot of fun. They ate lunch with us after the show, and were quite entertaining. And the school (well, the teacher who put it all together) was really excited about us being there, so we had a really good time. The space was even pretty good as well. It was at least an auditorium where you could tell they regularly put on plays instead of just speeches. No dressing rooms other than a storage cage (yes, it has finally come to this--I've been caged. Never thought it would happen, did ya?) but in all other respects a fine little space. Heck, at least all the lights stayed on. So a big thumbs up for Carmel, NY. It's sad that I will never again travel anywhere near there again, as I have sworn off the Northeast after this tour. It also didn't help that the route the GPS wanted us to originally take put us on the Hutchinson River Parkway, up near Purchase, NY, which, as regular readers of last tour's blog will remember, is the very parkway upon which our truck met its untimely demise. So on top of tying to figure out how the hell to avoid the entire city of NY, I was also having flashbacks to that day in the rain (what the hell is it with NY and RAIN?) when we realized our tour was well and truly fucked. Thankfully, all vehicles today escaped with no injuries.

We were also informed that this coming Monday we have added a second show in NC. So we perform twice in one day, and then head back up to Delaware. So that means on Monday, we will start somewhere around 4 in the afternoon, after doing two back-to-back shows, and THEN drive for at least 5.5 hours. And when we were informed about this and expressed, very politely, I might add, in the form of laughing and shaking our heads ruefully, our disbelief and displeasure with Chamber's apparent lack of consideration for our ability to do such a thing without someone killing us n the road, Levitt snapped at all of us that is was what it was and we just had to accept it. I wish I could tell her that a) the phrase "It is what it is" is so over and needs to be stricken from her lexicon forever, lest she be beaten over the head with a petrified Twinkie, and b) not every expression of unhappiness or frustration is a personal attack against her! Especially not something that we all know she has no control over. I wan her and I to play Canadian and baby seal sometime.... And tomorrow I am in the truck navigating for her for 5.5 hours. Someone shoot me. Please.

But lest this post become a veritable whine-fest, allow me to finish what I started and outline a few more plans I've got for the country. Oh yeah, it's getting good. Here we go!

EDUCATION: I will never understand why it is that this country seems so dead set against doing anything to improve the educational system. It's almost pathological, this need to pay lip service to education and then either do nothing, or do some stupid gimmick to screw it up even worse. Let's start with regular old elementary education. Well, everything up through high school. The problem here is that with very minor exceptions, usually instigated by individual teacher effort, most programs to improve education in public schools are programs which try to put some (usually dumbass) spin on classic rote learning. The problem here isn't whether Timmy is sitting in a cluster of desks, working in a team, or using open notes. The problem is rote learning itself. There are very few subjects that rote learning is the best way of teaching. Arithmetic jumps to mind. Rote learning is perfect for simple arithmetic, because that's all it requires. But rote learning is the bane of a subject like, for example, history. Not that it can't be taught that way. Obviously it can, because that's the way it's always taught. "Here's a list of dates and events. Memorize them. Voila! Now you understand the Civil War." It's ridiculous. It dooms the study of history to be boring, and let's face it, it isn't. You need to teach kids the ideas behind what happened. That way they truly understand it, and have less of a chance of forgetting everything after the test. That's why I laugh at the idea of year-round schools. What's the point? It isn't the three months off that makes kids need refresher courses at the beginning of the school year, it's the fact that nothing was taught in a way that made it stick in the first place. If it had been taught in a way that the kid could truly understand the subject and thus be able to see how it connects to their life, then they'll remember it, period. 

The way to do this is to abandon standardized testing. We all know the only thing that tests is how well you take tests. You want to test kids to see how well a school is doing? Fine. Then give them tests, but don't make them those stupid fill in the dot tests which do nothing but explore the most cursory understanding of a subject. We set aside time during the school year to take these tests anyway, so let's take some real time and test some real knowledge. Essay tests. Instead of 300 questions which never get any deeper than skin level, ask fewer questions that actually require reasoned and thought out answers. Answers that will show the student actually has swallowed the pill and is not just holding it under their tongue to spit out later. Now before you go all stupid on me, I know we can't ask 1st graders to answer deep essay questions. Obviously when you're hitting the basics--the stuff that is actually taught best by rote learning, then you stick with it. But that level is passed pretty quickly. But with this program, any child not left behind deserves to move forward, because he actually KNOWS something. And those who don't, well, then they get left behind--to repeat the grade and try to do better. A society who is not willing to let its students fail is not ready for them to succeed. It also cheapens the whole idea of success. 

As for college, well, let me ask you a question. We know the government is to provide education for its citizens, right? Hence public schools. But let me ask you another question--we all ALSO know that in this day and age, in order for anyone to have a serious chance at any kind of decent career, college is required, to greater or lesser degree. So why do we hold on to this outdated notion that the government can go ahead and fund schools before college, but not AT the college level? It's ridiculous. The government and the educational system it supports has to evolve. Government-funded public universities, free just like the public schools are, or if that's a little too crunchy granola for the country to handle, then we'll go ahead and charge a tuition--one so low you'd have to work to NOT be able to attend. Private universities would still run, just as there are private schools now. But if you're going to sink a crapload of money into the system anyway, let's actually DO something with the money. And let's also hold teachers to a higher standard. ANd I don't mean pass-fail percentage, because then they just pass the failers in order to keep their jobs. Let the Department of Education actually do something and review teachers based on their actual teaching. It'll mean growing the department so that reviewers can actually attend classes once a quarter and observe teachers. And just think how much better the teachers we have can be if they are no longer shackled by teaching to the test. Again, if you're going to spend money, then spend money on something that is truly important and that will pay dividends down the road. Better teachers teaching a better system and producing better students who will be more prepared to function in the world and have a better understanding thereof, thus making a stronger economy, a stronger workforce and ultimately, a stronger, less jingoistic country. I'd say that's worth a few billion or so, don't you?

HEALTH CARE: I met a guy in the hotel bar in Jackson who told me that he was afraid that universal health care would remove the incentive for the best doctors wot work in this country because they wouldn't have the reward of insane amounts of money. I disagree with that for a couple of reasons. First, that suggests that the only reason that people become doctors is in order to make a shitload of money. Now, I won't deny there are probably people like that, and I won't deny that at this point, it may be at least ONE of the reasons for even more people. But you don't go into medicine if you're just a mercenary person, as a rule. That's what the law is for. So I doubt the number of people deciding to forgo a career in medicine will dry up all that much. Secondly, no-one said doctors can't make money under universal health care. Yes, you need to keep the prices of the procedures relatively low, but this is still America, and we do believe in people profiting from their skill and knowledge, and I don't want to stand in the way of that. The prices of the procedures could be set at a level well below where they are now yet still high enough to allow for a profit. And if you in turn remove the incentive for people to SUE doctors, then malpractice insurance isn't as expensive and then procedure prices drop. And if they're not making such horrific profits, then you know what? It means fewer people forced into unnecessary surgery or overly risky surgery just so the hospital can charge the fee. Hospitals and health care costs have gotten so out of hand because once again we allow them to. It's like gas prices. Sooner or later, no matter how expensive, you need to fill up your tank. But with universal health care, we say we're not going to allow people to just keep raising prices because they can. Does this mean that hospitals will make less money? Yes. But they're also going to be subsidized by the government, so they don't lose that much. And I'm sorry, but making sure people can see a doctor is more important than making sure a doctor can hit 18 holes three times a week. We are a government for, by, and of THE PEOPLE. Those are the ones to whom priority should be given. Not businesses. Don't sacrifice one for the other, in either direction, not totally. You must try to strike a balance. But it's been way out of balance way too long, and you need something radical to bring it INTO balance.

WAR ON TERROR: Okay, no-one's going to like this. The Middle East is messed up. It always HAS been messed up, and despite everyone's best attempts, it always WILL be. You are dealing with a part of the world which has been busy trying to destroy itself since it came into being. And you know what they rally don't like? Us telling them what to do. So here's my plan. Get the hell out of the Middle East. Not diplomatically, you stay involved, just as you do everywhere, but you don't walk around trying to tell a civilization that has developed along a different line than ours that they need to embrace our civilization because it's better. That's going to do nothing but piss people off. Now don't get me wrong. I have no doubt that if we pulled all the military forces out of the Middle East, the people who hate us would come up with new reasons to hate us. Pulling out of Saudi Arabia wouldn't have stopped 9/11. I have a hard time believing someone willing to put something like that together would all of sudden scrap it because we called home the troops. But what it does is remove a recruiting tool. Why has Castro stayed in power so long in Cuba? People like him get shot all the time. Why can groups like the Taliban and Al-Qaeda recruit educated people to join them? Because they had a scapegoat--US. Things are bad in Cuba? Not Castro's fault--it's the US's trade embargo. No running water in Kabul? Well, that's obviously the fault of America. No occupying forces, no scapegoat. What we need to do is bring in diplomats that have actually studied and LEARNED the culture of the people of the Middle East--of all the countries, sects, tribes, etc. You must understand your friends and your enemies, in order to deal with them. If you're dealing with someone who always needs to appear strong in front of others, bullying and threats get you nowhere. isn't just running messages, it's understanding the people you're dealing with and discovering the best ways to deal with them. And treating the countries as if they have a right to exist and pursue the same things we allow our allies to pursue.  Oh, and stop propping up Israel. What that country has done in the region is no better than what any other country in the region has done. I'm sorry. It's time for this special relationship with Israel to cease. Once they stop firing rockets into settlements, then I'm willing to see them as victims. You know, people lose their ancient homeland all the time. Cultures move, civilizations drift, and others come in and take their place, and those people have as much right to be there as anyone else. ANd if you can't see how all of sudden being told that a whole country is being made of your backyard and by the way, these people will be able to demand that you have papers to move back and forth what you used to move freely through and they can imprison you might make somebody angry, then you're not too swift. Was declaring war correct? No. Was it right? No. Could there have been a better way? Obviously. But in order for a better way to be found, both sides have to be willing to implement it, and that's never been the case. So no more special help. Israel is no longer sacrosanct. Will we aid? Yes. Will we be there to help negotiate treaties? yes. But we cannot be seen as basically being there to push through what Israel wants in the region, because we lose all power AS an agent of change. You don't call in your enemy's friend to help you out. So why should anyone who isn't Israel believe anything we say when we talk about peace when our image is that of being in bed with Israel? It's just plain common sense. And you want to reall take away the mid-east's power? Take the money we spend keeping what amounts to no peace in the region and develop some way to run this country on something other than oil. Once we don't need what they're selling, I have a feeling we'll be amazed at how much more willing to talk they become. So greater in depth understanding of who the people are and why they are the way they are, a diplomatic corps there to actually attempt to solve some problems, revamping the image of just how truly even-handed America is in the region, and getting ourselves off oil. Then, maybe, there's a chance we might be able to do some good over there. Will there always be crazy people who want to blow us up? Yes. But don't go willy-nilly blasting the shit out of everyone who happens to talk with the same accent. Find out the reasons and deal with it then. That will be a far greater defense against terror than what we've had. Make it clear that should anyone try anything, it will be dealt with swiftly and harshly, but don't make that your only negotiating tactic. 

So there you have it--a few planks in the platform. I hope I can count on your vote in 2012. Because a vote for Pond is a vote for me!